I've decided I cannot go back to Facebook... not without creating a new account entirely... the ones I have (My real and my online) both tie in to friends I cannot look at. Things I simply cannot stand. I know if I kept the accounts, they would bring me nothing but pain. On a related note... I am at that point where I look at other relationships and... I dunno... I feel... different... I guess. One should never compare their relationship to that of others, of course, but... I dunno... I don't feel well. That pain I had before receiving the laptop... while dulled from time to time... seems to have doubled from what it once was. I ache... and I hate the ache. I wish to cut memories from my mind... I wish to cut feelings from my heart. And here I am, once more, thinking the one way out I dislike most is looking more and more like the only good, permanent solution. I hate this feeling. I hate feelings in general. I don't want to know them any longer. I would rather be without feeling than to know all the pain I know and feel. Today has been... miserable to say the least...

Day started out on it's own bad merits... woke up late... which meant my little one woke up late... which meant he did not wish to go down for his nap when he needed to. Throughout the day, I went and applied for jobs, which was good, I suppose... but then, when I finally had the chance to spend time with friends who had finally gotten home, so too did my mother. She wished me to run to the store and grab a few things. I told people I would be back soon... I got the things I was requested to accquire and returned home. Only to be sent to another store to grab twice as much stuff. I returned home an hour and a half after I told everyone I had to run out for ten minutes, and THEN I was told to take some of the damaged goods from the second trip back and trade them for good ones and that, while out there, I should return our numerous bags of cans and bottles and grab a new can opener as well. I get to the store and a woman with a cart full of cans is unloading them into the ONLY machine in the place. When I finally get to the machine, I do what I must and get inside to get what I need. Once done, I return home. It has been 2 hours since I told people I would be gone 10-20 minutes. I then need to eat supper... which I did... only to return to my friends having all parted ways basically for the night. So I find myself left alone once I finally have the time. And now... I am here... waiting... sad... alone... and thinking of the changes I'm still trying to accept. Yes... the easy way out always looks so promising at times like these... good thing I'm too much a pussy to do anything about it... right?