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Meme thingy-thing: Comment here and I will...
13 years ago
1. Tell you something I learned about by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2. Tell you a colour you remind me of.
3. Tell you my first memory of you.
4. Ask you a question.
5. Tell you something I like about you.
6. Tell you the object that is to the left of me.
7. Dare you to do this yourself in your journal.
Copying this from
Sedric, as I promised I would do so after Furfright.
2. Tell you a colour you remind me of.
3. Tell you my first memory of you.
4. Ask you a question.
5. Tell you something I like about you.
6. Tell you the object that is to the left of me.
7. Dare you to do this yourself in your journal.
Copying this from
Sedric, as I promised I would do so after Furfright.
2) Yellow and grey
3) Most likely I first saw you through other users' fave links. Seeing a raincoat and wellie wearing dragon popping up often certainly aroused my curiosity!
4) If I was to create some sort of photographic/cinematic portrayal of you, what you want to be doing and who with? For posterity's sake, mind you.
5) Not sure if this is you or your authorial other-half, but the sheer diversity and brilliance of your erotic writing has really tickled my fancy! I hardly ever read online fiction, but I've passed many hours going through your stories. That and you are a sweet natured fellow with a great personality and story, who could ask for more?
6) A glass of water, mostly full.
7) You already took the dare, so you are off the hook! Unless you wish to double down!
fork
3 - yeah people tend to remember me, haha
4 - Daaaaamn, good question. I think, and this is entirely likely to change at any given moment 'cause it's a big decision to make, it would be with either a clown or a devil and would involve either being coerced into smoking up or stomping the hell out of various cakes and fruits
4) Clowns, devils. Yes. Smoking, food stomping. Yes. It could get crazy and involve all these things! (savors the thought)
See?
2) Red and black
3) Most certainly at a Thursday furmeet, seeing you being harassed by the other furs for no good reason and wondering why. I soon discovered that furs get harassed by other furs for no good reason all the time as a general rule! (ponders, weeps for humanity)
4) Would you like to get together with Lon the Lion at some future point, to discuss manly carnivorous things while eating biscuits and jam?
5) You put up with a lot of crap but take it very well, and that is a lot more than can be said for most people. That and we can discuss the 80s like we lived it for real, and didn't just download it from somewhere.
6) My cell phone, being inert and silent...
7) Certainly, if you like! This is the first meme that I've actually participated in, I'm curious how others fare with it.
autoclicking furry interactions are the best!
2) Blue
3) I think you started watching me after one of my (infamous) makeup posts. It's always good to know someone else who likes what one does! It is most appreciated.
4) If there was the actual potential for you to transform into a cat, would you take it regardless of the consequences? (Perhaps a rhetorical question.)
5) Until today I didn't really know you all that well. This is awkward on my part to say the least. We haven't had conversations or interacted that much online.
So I read through several of your journal entries to educate myself on what fascinates you, and found you hold a very deep interest on the subject of transformation that goes way back to when you were young. I completely sympathize with your struggles to understand this complex subject, as I started having those kinds of needs when I was a teenager. I had this enormous urge to become a monster, and the only way I could do that was by dressing up in Halloween masks and old clothes, turning my bedroom into my secret lair so to speak.
6) An Oxford American Dictionary, unused and forlorn
7) Do so if you wish!
tweet
Secondly, I am vastly more interested in the transformation itself than the final form. It's all about the journey, and the emotions and tensions and physicality that arise in that change. The final forms act as totemic representations as the process that got there, but only imply it.
6) There's something romantic about printed reference books in the age of google. I just use google for definitions and etymology and synonyms, but I still do love me a good printed large-format atlas.
Several years ago I wrote a partial script about a girl who is saved from bandits by a mysterious stranger, who is later revealed to be already half-transformed into a feline-man. As they take their journey to goodness knows what, she sees him change a bit more each day, growing less and less human, finding it more difficult to keep rational. He himself feels a wild mix of anticipation and growing fear over what he is becoming, and struggles mightily to keep from hurting her. Rather light on action compared to how an adventure story "should" be, it was more a very deeply personal rumination on transformation and the unintended consequences. The man, fool that he was, felt that he had control over it. But fools can be forgiven for such things. He was "me" in many respects, and looking back I can understand the folly of a "controlled" change. Now that I've encountered more uncontrolled/coerced TF stories, it makes my earlier views a bit naive, though it was always an idealistic view on the subject.
And I still use that dictionary! Along with a thesaurus and a Name Your Baby book, which has provided a wonderful array of character names! And I have two Road Atlases that I check regularly, I'm still a lover of the printed book. E-books, fah!
5) (to continue) I thought it was unhealthy, bizarre, problematic, worrisome, all these things. I didn't have "regulare urges". I suppressed them and hid them from my parents, my friends, everyone, for many many years. I made masks and wanted to do makeups, but was so bloody afraid of what others would think that I kept all my puny creations in the closet, literally. To compensate, I immersed myself in fantasy/scifi/horror films, as one could see zany creatures and strange beasts that were inhabited by people yet had taken on a new life, a real life that could not be done without movie magic. Makeup effects were the key to becoming what one truly desired to become.
When I began to really study what was on the internet in the early 2000s, I saw others who had similar urges and feelings, and their attempts to reconcile them with the real world. I began to lose my fear of doing these things myself, but I only really began this in earnest in 2010 when I actively sought out the furry community irl. I grew the courage to take my characters and start to bring them out into the real world, for better or worse. I haven't looked back since, and only curse myself for not having done far more than I already have.
Makeup, masks, costumes, these are key to my own personal transformation. They are just one of many possible methods one can use to unlock the true self, one of a myriad number of approaches. And to see someone else who has also struggled, fought the raging internal battles, to finally find that true understanding about that unstoppable urge to become a new being, that is truly remarkable.
I am terribly sorry this devolved into some kind of primordial rant/confession. As you can see it is not something I fully understand or can vocalize about without splintering off into many directions. But if you ever want to discuss transformation on any level I would be more than happy to talk and to listen, as I have much to learn.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply to this one.
Yes, I'm pretty much nothing more than a fan/stalker in the furry community in general, without much else to add beyond my own documentation.
That is really interesting that you described your own early desire as wanting to become a monster. Do you know what that desire was rooted in? Like, do you know what parts about that attracted you?
There are so many different sorts of early experiences that profoundly effected people who are now in to TF, I've found.
Beyond the specifics, that narrative of isolation and shame around not having "regular urges" comes up regularly with TF fetish people. The frustration and confusion around a divergent (and painfully unique) sexuality lingers far too long.
I think your quest in expressing yourself is admirable and inspiring, not to mention technically remarkable. There isn't much discussion around the actualization of TF fetishism, and hopefully that discussion will grow. You are certainly doing your part in pushing the doors open wider for it.
If you have time to read skim the rest of my journal entries I would love to discuss things in there, or via other mediums.
This is not to say that some feelings don't linger, but now that I'm older and have processed these thoughts over decades I can have a detached, even academic view of my own malaise. More recently, and with more urgent intent, I have been writing a quasi-autobiographical story of a man who wants to become a monster and actually succeeds, to the detriment of all mankind AND monsterkind. A true abomination, utterly in command and utterly alone. It could all be desire made fully manifest, or just a very intense fantasy completely inside his head, and that is where the fun happens, juggling the surreal aspects and leaving it up to the viewer what is true or not. In some sense this is my thesis paper on TF, couched as a warning or morality play or sorts to other would-be latent creatures, and mostly concerned with the psychological aspects of a TF obsessed mind. Very dark, violent and sexual, yet darkly funny as well. Even when things become horrific I find that I laugh at the sheer absurdity of the story (my sense of humor can be quite sick!). Even the main character has to laugh, which either means he is still human in some small way or has completely fallen off the deep end! Time will tell.
Believe me, I've mulled over transformation for a very long time. And though it comes out physically and obviously in my makeups and costumes, I am growing more comfortable and excited about expressing thoughts and feelings through my characters. That in itself is fascinating, as until 2 years ago I wouldn't have considered myself an actor. But now I feel compelled to fill out the costume and truly BECOME the entity I disguise myself as. I suppose it is a form of channeling, and I am comfortable with this as most of my good ideas do seem to come from without. My role is to edit and hone that energy until it is ready to be released properly in this world. Hence my continued revisions and evolving of the looks I make, getting better with each pass, weeding out the needless things until it is polished and right. Even then, it shouldn't be writ in stone and done the "right" way everafter, that's utterly limiting and egocentric. I would hand over any character to another actor in a heartbeat if I saw that they had a better grasp or unique take on it. It's not for "my" sake, it's for the character, and goodness knows I have a very high respect for the actor who can bring a concept/creature/character to life, it's a great gift they possess. The best ones truly are possessed!
Whew! I am glad I write these things down. Years later I will be able to look back and see exactly how I thought on this topic. It's something I won't come to any final conclusions on, but through my lifetime I will be witness to some very dramatic changes in how humanity perceives and then moves itself into wild new directions. It won't be fantasy forever!
I'd love to chat, though lately I don't do the IM thing as I did a year ago. Email correspondence is best, as I can edit and sort out my thoughts clearly.
duskysam[at]gmail.com
I never did much letter writing when I grew up, but I have taken the form more to heart in this internet age. Seeing as I cannot stand these pesky abbreviations and text-speaks everyone is prey to. We can save the English language from extinction, goddammit, that's one thing I won't try to transform out of recognition!
2) Purple and black.
3) Furfright 2010, I held a spot for you Thursday night in the pre-reg line so you could retrieve your driver's license from the car. Then I saw you on Saturday in your cat makeup while I was in rabbit guise. Photo mayhem ensued!
4) If you could become one of your myriad characters, which would it be and would you want to remain that way?
5) You have a constantly inquisitive mind, and are always looking for answers and questions. You do costumes and makeup and do them well. You like to explore desolate and/or abandoned places. I think you could become an astronaut and scout out terrains on new planets. (Where did that come from, heh!)
6) A bowl of Dannon vanilla yogurt, half eaten
7) Of course, if you'd like! I'm sure you'd come up with some terrific responses.
a comb and a mirror (to groom the whiskers of said catfish)
2) Black and blue
3) Summer 2010, 25 Burgers. I met both you and Shy Matsi there after going to the Pride Center to investigate the Furry Workshop Shy was scheduled to do. I felt like I was interviewing for a job, making sure I didn't come across as some weird cyber-stalker out to terrorize furries in real life (too late!)
4) Any costume creations you'd like assistance with?
5) We share an interest in costume work, and have had good conversations on the rare occassions we have met in real life.
6) orange handled sewing scissors
7) If you'd like!
Yarp
(How are you)
1) You are a watcher, mostly, and have shilled for my more recent costumes. (small thanks)
2) Orange and brown
3) On your doorstep many moons ago, where I was left to be taken into a loving home, to be given affection and kindness and pampered to my heart's content. All of these things never happened...
4) How would you like me to murder you? And would you like to be awake when this happens?
5) You kicking me off your account was the best thing to ever happen to me. I got on my own four feet and branched out into the things I wanted to do. I haven't looked back since.
6) An Exacto knife, good for slitting your throat
7) Who cares?
I will eat you whole and crap out your bones! Nyeh heh heh!!!
(Doing well, thanks for asking)
Disgraceful.
Degenerate.
Diarrhea.
Dusky.
(I'm glad)