I just haven't been writing anything here or there.



I know you're all tired of the spamposts in your inboxes. I just haven't felt up to the task of writing out vore, prose, or dialogue trading segments lately. I've been either enjoying games every so often, or just listening to music and browsing the internet.

I've probably become annoying to some of you. It's not that I MEAN to spampost things. It's just that I wish writing could be as spontaneous as a drawing always is. But writing takes reading, so it's always a different issue.

Almost half a week ago I was continuing one of my five recent WIPs. I was interrupted by my dad, and haven't returned to it since. But I probably could go back to it, right now, even.



I'm at odds with art itself, in general.



Some of you know that I'm in the habit of writing out very "natural" sounding things when it comes to character interaction. Well, there's a downside to that. It's too realistic. The problem is that I have so much of a mind geared towards realism that sometimes, art itself becomes a problem because I spend more time simply acting and not crafting. I focus more on simply doing things instead of making things - it's hard to explain.

It's not hard in the slightest for me to get back into the writing habit. I just have to ignore the bias in my mind that tells me that what I'm doing is "crazy," and just write. That's the problem. Self-judgement. I've looked back at what I've done and feel as if something went wrong. It's stupid. It's the kind of mentality that somebody "on the outside of Fur Affinity" would have, where they just dismiss everything here as "nuts," and proceed to do something else (if not stay around to harrass the community, which I would NEVER do.).



Also, I have a problem with feeling loved here. ;_;



People look down on people who try to garner affection from others. Honestly, that' all I want to do.

I have an excellent memory, so much that I remember the details of the events of my life that happened when I was only 3 years old. But along with remembering what I loved, I also remember what made me miserable, and what I hated. The problem with being so utterly realistic in art is that you venture into areas of creativity that only begin to HURT yourself. It was only yesterday that I remembered the exact aesthetics of something I once wrote out concerning how one of my first five angelic characters cares for the four main protagonists of my story and their friends. It's just a simple saying; nothing fancy. But it's both the wording AND the theme behind the words that made me feel sad. It implies something of desperation mixed with a passion to "do what's best for someone mostly powerless," where the theme of "sacrifice" isn't far off, and the air of emotion is far too heavy to be considered to be anything "pleasant" - an off-putting cry for mercy, not on the angel's behalf, but for the sake of the people he wants to save from peril (the angel involved is "Bale, The Baleful Angel of Sorrow.").



Some things I plan on putting into my "Parasympathy" story are taxing......on my heart. ;_;



And besides that, I have this incessant problem with simply being content with happiness. I like those old Deviantart textual pictures about happiness and love, because no matter how cheesy someone may think they are, they're actually true (I don't think they're cheesy.). "You can waste your life being sad, or you can do what's best to be healthy and happy" (Don't quote me on it. That's not word for word.).





All I want is hugs... ( ._.)





And I feel "weak" because of that.

I want to continue writing. The style hasn't diminished, and the themes I've made in the past that many of you love, I still intend to write out.

I'd just feel better if I knew that there was someone in my corner that was cheering me on. There are such folks, and I thank them for that. But I'd rather be thought of as a "friend" than a "great artist."

There are things I can't accept about "great success," like the idea of looking down on others, or belittling people for not having something that you have - it makes me sick when I see people act that way.





I'm still writing, and it will be what you've come to love from me.



But please understand that even though I seem too cranky or fussy, all I'm doing is avoiding the point...



...which is that I want to be smothered in hugs. ;_;





And while I'm on this note, I offer this word to all quote/unquote "anti-whine" trolls



Don't hate on the emotions of others just because nobody loves YOU. If being a cunt is your problem then perhaps you should spend some time experimenting with what it's like to not be a cunt?

It's always the weakest of people who mean to deny everyone else what they can never have for priding themselves on being bottom-feeder trolls...



Former troll friend gets called out on his bullshit by another friend of mine, spazzes out, AVOIDS that friend of mine, then BLOCKS EVERYBODY, TROLOLOLOLOL!!! Weak.





Cry more.





-  guzzlemuzzle9460