I've been doing alot of thinking lately....There are alot of things wrong with me. I try hard to change myself but its exceedingly difficult everyday...I'm thankful i have my mate i love him with all my heart. I don't see whats so special about me. I feel like the fire that burned in my heart has blown out....Becoming crippled severely destroyed my ego and my pride. I know those aren't good traits to have anyway...but they also gave me the confidence to do everything...I Guess i'm realizing i'm human.... and i'm not invincible no matter how far or hard i push my body....My mate is worried about my health and to be honest so am i... I can't work now i can't sit for long periods of time or my back goes out, i can barely walk or stand up for long periods of time because of this god damn metal... I'm trying so hard not to be depressed but its really hard. I'm not asking or wanting pity from anyone. I'm just making a journal about whats in my head right now...