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Some thoughts on life.
13 years ago
General
Some times I feel that having people I know IRL looking at my work/knowing where I post my work online has stunted my artistic growth.
There are so many things I'd like to try and get feedback on, but I'm afraid of what my family and some of my friends might think. I don't know why but their opinions matter a lot to me, and I'm afraid that what I draw will make them form opinions about who I am as a person. I've always been the same person, no matter what I choose to draw. I feel like people want everything I do to be kid friendly and very G rated, and that I have to be a good little girl who only draws rainbows and butteries and cute little puppies.
I think it was a mistake to let people know about my work being online. I wish I could keep all my work in once place but I feel people expect a certain kind of work from me and that's all I can post to the places those people know about. My art is so split up between websites, it's really disconcerting. Even this. I really wanted this place to be a place I can post whatever I wanted, but I already feel like I cant to that.
Not just art but journals and stories too. I feel like I have to censor myself no matter what I do. Even this evtry can only be posted to a few places, because I don't want people to think I'm singling them out or trying to make them feel bad.
IDK. I guess I'm just having anther of those "poor pitiful me" days. There is really so much more I wanted to say, but I don't know where to put it.
This all sounded so much better and more logical in my head.
There are so many things I'd like to try and get feedback on, but I'm afraid of what my family and some of my friends might think. I don't know why but their opinions matter a lot to me, and I'm afraid that what I draw will make them form opinions about who I am as a person. I've always been the same person, no matter what I choose to draw. I feel like people want everything I do to be kid friendly and very G rated, and that I have to be a good little girl who only draws rainbows and butteries and cute little puppies.
I think it was a mistake to let people know about my work being online. I wish I could keep all my work in once place but I feel people expect a certain kind of work from me and that's all I can post to the places those people know about. My art is so split up between websites, it's really disconcerting. Even this. I really wanted this place to be a place I can post whatever I wanted, but I already feel like I cant to that.
Not just art but journals and stories too. I feel like I have to censor myself no matter what I do. Even this evtry can only be posted to a few places, because I don't want people to think I'm singling them out or trying to make them feel bad.
IDK. I guess I'm just having anther of those "poor pitiful me" days. There is really so much more I wanted to say, but I don't know where to put it.
This all sounded so much better and more logical in my head.
I ended up with a new LJ account just for rants and such, and eventually switched everything over that one and "faded" out of my first LJ (eventually I faded out of LJ altogether lol) but I just told them oh I hardly go on there anymore. Didn't bother telling anyone irl about my other accounts. Now the only things I do show my irl friends are just on my facebook page.
Sometimes I don't even like doing that, because all I draw is mainly animals and I know that most people don't take "animal artists" seriously (in my own warped mind at least), especially of Mae.
So- I do know what you mean, and you aren't crazy. Maybe move accounts? Or just don't post on those particular ones for a while?