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Christmas
13 years ago
Mere words follow
Oh joy.
It's that time of year again is it? The festive season of Christmas which seems more about who can sell you the best mobile phone for cheaper than the spirit of sharing and togetherness.
People asking me what I want? Actually...nobody's done that yet...eh, doesn't bother me. Nobody reeeeallly needs to (or wants to, even) know what I want for Christmas.
But I thought I'd share it here anyway.
See, as I said in the last journal, I'm not really much of a people person it seems. As a quiet, meek and socially awkward person, I blend into the background too easily, often getting ignored or left behind. This isn't something that has cropped up recently. This is something I've lived with my entire life.
I don't blame anyone. I'm really not that good company. I don't really game, I don't watch TV all that much, or movies, my life is constantly tied up with my job, and I don't really do well in group settings or parties. I've practically minimised the amount of fur meets I attend, and the last party I attended I felt emotionally and physically drained, which made me really bad for conversation (as in, worse than I already am).
I know people don't do this to me purposefully.
See, the problem is, this is all in my head. People don't ignore me. I just think people ignore me because that's what experience has taught me. Despite my social awkwardness, I crave social well being and attention. I'm needy, clingy, lacking in self confidence and self esteem, and insecure. I love my friends, my job, my coworkers, and of course, my boyfriend, and always will...I just wish I didn't think they were always trying to avoid me.
So for Christmas, all I want is some help to get me out of this rut I've dug myself into for the past 19 years. I want to stop being overly pedantic, paranoid and anxious and start living life a lot more normally. This isn't just a gift for me, but for everyone around me that has to put up with my bullshit.
I don't think anyone can really grant it apart from myself though, so I guess I'll keep battling...
(Wild also wish for a white Christmas too. I'm sick of this bloody heat)
It's that time of year again is it? The festive season of Christmas which seems more about who can sell you the best mobile phone for cheaper than the spirit of sharing and togetherness.
People asking me what I want? Actually...nobody's done that yet...eh, doesn't bother me. Nobody reeeeallly needs to (or wants to, even) know what I want for Christmas.
But I thought I'd share it here anyway.
See, as I said in the last journal, I'm not really much of a people person it seems. As a quiet, meek and socially awkward person, I blend into the background too easily, often getting ignored or left behind. This isn't something that has cropped up recently. This is something I've lived with my entire life.
I don't blame anyone. I'm really not that good company. I don't really game, I don't watch TV all that much, or movies, my life is constantly tied up with my job, and I don't really do well in group settings or parties. I've practically minimised the amount of fur meets I attend, and the last party I attended I felt emotionally and physically drained, which made me really bad for conversation (as in, worse than I already am).
I know people don't do this to me purposefully.
See, the problem is, this is all in my head. People don't ignore me. I just think people ignore me because that's what experience has taught me. Despite my social awkwardness, I crave social well being and attention. I'm needy, clingy, lacking in self confidence and self esteem, and insecure. I love my friends, my job, my coworkers, and of course, my boyfriend, and always will...I just wish I didn't think they were always trying to avoid me.
So for Christmas, all I want is some help to get me out of this rut I've dug myself into for the past 19 years. I want to stop being overly pedantic, paranoid and anxious and start living life a lot more normally. This isn't just a gift for me, but for everyone around me that has to put up with my bullshit.
I don't think anyone can really grant it apart from myself though, so I guess I'll keep battling...
(Wild also wish for a white Christmas too. I'm sick of this bloody heat)
If it's any consolation, I feel the exact same way. A lot.
But every day, even if I bitch a lot, I feel good to bitch in a humorous way, to spread joy. :D
So, that's my tip if you want to feel less awkward... Bitch to people, but do it in a funny way. <3
And happy holidays~<3