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End heteronormativity
13 years ago
General
Heteronormativity - the individually lightest form of subconscious homophobia - can at a societal level still be an enormous long-term hindrance to LGBT rights, equality and social dignity.
I have observed, in social situations in mixed company with straight and gay people, that people have a tendency to inject elements of their own sexual orientation everywhere in their everyday life and discussion. This is not universal, of course - many gay people are legitimately "straight-acting", and come off as inconspicuous from straight people. But the notion of straight-acting as inconspicuous is actually a part of heteronormativity - that to appear straight is normal, and that to appear gay is conspicuous. As such, those straight people who are conspicuously straight (as a matter of discussion-sprinkling and other evidence) are still inconspicuous in a heteronormative social context, and they take this for granted. Of course, gay people like us may find it much easier to notice this, but it doesn't usually bug us because we're so accustomed to straight people being straight.
But I have too often observed, how conspicuously gay people can too often find they provoke the annoyance of so many straight people - even erstwhile "tolerant" people - in spite of themselves. It's one thing to cognitively accept gay people, but it's another thing to expect them to have to necessarily conform their behavior and personality to straight-acting "norms". So when conspicuously gay people keep sprinkling their discussion with topics that have any gay element, the heteronormative consciousness perceives it as talking about one monolithic topic - gay things - all the time. And in this perception, their annoyance grows, and this can translate to abusive behavior toward or ostracism of the conspicuous gay person. And the bitch of this is, it's entirely possible for the gay person to seldom see a recurring theme in their behavior, because it's so subconscious and instinctive to them - so, they will see the abusive behavior as straightforward homophobia. And in essence, being heteronormativity, it is homophobia.
But being conspicuously straight or conspicuously gay are not at all bad things, if they are otherwise respectful. It is unrealistic and unjustifiable to expect someone to have a fundamental personality change just because their conspicuous signs of sexual orientation are irritating to someone who does not share it. Ultimately, annoyance and abusive behavior emanating from heteronormative expectations, is real homophobia, and it needs to be tackled. People need to accept the ubiquitous conspicuous signs of sexuality in their midst, just as we gay people are constantly aware of straight people showing signs of their straightness. It's human nature for our sexuality to influence our words and actions in ways we ourselves are usually not even actively aware of.
So, we must end heteronormativity, and also any corresponding homonormativity (which is much rarer). Instead, each new person's sexuality should be a question mark until revealed. (And it is wrong for a straight person to be offended because someone failed to assume in advance that they were straight.) And once sexuality cues are apparent, they should be accepted and tolerated. Our society is already supersaturated with signs of straight sexuality - society needs to come to regularly respect and tolerate both the conspicuously straight and the conspicuously gay in our midst, on equal parity. Because we know neither is going to go away, nor really should they.
I have observed, in social situations in mixed company with straight and gay people, that people have a tendency to inject elements of their own sexual orientation everywhere in their everyday life and discussion. This is not universal, of course - many gay people are legitimately "straight-acting", and come off as inconspicuous from straight people. But the notion of straight-acting as inconspicuous is actually a part of heteronormativity - that to appear straight is normal, and that to appear gay is conspicuous. As such, those straight people who are conspicuously straight (as a matter of discussion-sprinkling and other evidence) are still inconspicuous in a heteronormative social context, and they take this for granted. Of course, gay people like us may find it much easier to notice this, but it doesn't usually bug us because we're so accustomed to straight people being straight.
But I have too often observed, how conspicuously gay people can too often find they provoke the annoyance of so many straight people - even erstwhile "tolerant" people - in spite of themselves. It's one thing to cognitively accept gay people, but it's another thing to expect them to have to necessarily conform their behavior and personality to straight-acting "norms". So when conspicuously gay people keep sprinkling their discussion with topics that have any gay element, the heteronormative consciousness perceives it as talking about one monolithic topic - gay things - all the time. And in this perception, their annoyance grows, and this can translate to abusive behavior toward or ostracism of the conspicuous gay person. And the bitch of this is, it's entirely possible for the gay person to seldom see a recurring theme in their behavior, because it's so subconscious and instinctive to them - so, they will see the abusive behavior as straightforward homophobia. And in essence, being heteronormativity, it is homophobia.
But being conspicuously straight or conspicuously gay are not at all bad things, if they are otherwise respectful. It is unrealistic and unjustifiable to expect someone to have a fundamental personality change just because their conspicuous signs of sexual orientation are irritating to someone who does not share it. Ultimately, annoyance and abusive behavior emanating from heteronormative expectations, is real homophobia, and it needs to be tackled. People need to accept the ubiquitous conspicuous signs of sexuality in their midst, just as we gay people are constantly aware of straight people showing signs of their straightness. It's human nature for our sexuality to influence our words and actions in ways we ourselves are usually not even actively aware of.
So, we must end heteronormativity, and also any corresponding homonormativity (which is much rarer). Instead, each new person's sexuality should be a question mark until revealed. (And it is wrong for a straight person to be offended because someone failed to assume in advance that they were straight.) And once sexuality cues are apparent, they should be accepted and tolerated. Our society is already supersaturated with signs of straight sexuality - society needs to come to regularly respect and tolerate both the conspicuously straight and the conspicuously gay in our midst, on equal parity. Because we know neither is going to go away, nor really should they.
Such attitude is best defined as a willfully malevolent duplicity of perception and response to the same communication offered in contrast by straight and heterosexual couples.
Straight couple: We went out to the lake over the weekend for a family vacation.
Heteronormative response: How wonderful! Tell us all about it.
Gay couple: We went out to the lake over the weekend for a family vacation.
Heteronormative response: Whatever, fags. Please don't elaborate on the type of activities you did out at the lake that you dare falsely define as "family related".
It's sad because one's sexuality is not easy to hide for anyone. What is going to be the homosexual person's cover when they're in their 30s and still uninterested in the opposite sex, and existing in society is sharp social contrast to their heterosexually married peers -- even if they were to remain celibate and adopt mostly ("mostly" because being gay automatically culturally paints the person in the camp of "liberal commies" in the eyes of society) politically conservative values? When society, at large, proactively attempts to identify the sexual orientations of its participants, closeted gay people do not have the luxury of either denial or remaining unresponsive to prodding questions in order to keep their sexual orientation a secret, because those snoopy questions are followed up by either tests in case of a denial of homosexuality to validate them, or a presumption of guilt to a lack of response. Even pointing out such double standards or call out the many "out and torment the fag" games bigoted people play automatically identifies the whistle-blower as being gay, because the vast majority of society is complicit, even facilitative, towards this abuse -- thus identifying all in opposition to it as "fags" and "commies".
Thus, the only way for a homosexual person to remain in the closet while still participating in society is to put on an incredibly-orchestrated facade. If the homosexual is afforded great luck and social luxury, they may have access to conspiring members of the opposite sex who'll provide the cover for the closeted homosexual. If not so lucky, perhaps the homosexual will have sex with many members of the opposite sex and adopting an affected hyper-heterosexual social script for the sole purpose of publicizing their false heterosexual cover and maintaining their straight facade . Perhaps the ultimate deceit, lying to a member of the opposite sex they do not love, the closeted homosexual orchestrating a falsely intimate relationship and getting married to a straight person in the hopes they can force themselves to be heterosexual and/or for the social and cultural acceptance and security such relationships bring to themselves.