I look in the mirror and see a paranoid angry boy who has no ego and little beleif in himself , a fat lazy slob who does nothing for anyone and drags down those he cares for most , hurting them with his viscous words and bursts of rage , his ungrateful behaviours and cruel habit of making them feel in the wrong.

Then i try to explain it all:

Every morning i wake up , go down to breakfast. 5 minutes later, someone insults me after sitting down. Then about 5 other people join in. I laugh it off, say they're just joking. 2 years later i think to myself this joke is getting pretty old. Reality being they're not joking and they're just all egotistical bastards. These pleasant little tidbits of how much of a peice of shit i am bombard me for the rest of the day, and when i reaturn to the boarding house it doesnt stop. Someone has to come in my room, look at me funny, make some cruel comment. I have this every day.

I don't enjoy socialising with these people. so i keep to myself. Yet heaven forbid i should have something interesting to them, then they'll talk to me. But between this and that no one really says anything kind to me. I go to the teachers because i'm not a violent [physically atleast..] person ,so i don't have that solution. and then someone finds out and tells everyone else. Insults just get worse. And then i turn to someone closest to me and all the person can do is compare it to their own situation , and probably end up telling me to man up if he didn't love me enough to keep himself from saying such things. Thankyou for that by the way <3

I can't live in this house anymore. I just can't take it anymore...i've had this for 3 years. Suicidal Ideations and depressive episodes were monthly and several times a week respectively. Luckily my mate gives me faith in myself enough to keep atleast those under control. But everything else is failing , and with exams in January this is the least i need under my belt...

Some of you will tell me to man up. Others will tell me to keep going. Others will tell me they love me and are here for me. But in the here and now, in the real world i spend every day alone with no freinds to talk to , and enemies all around me. My own MOTHER told me i was being bullied thanks to being myself. Soon enough i'm gonna break....