just a fast update,,,, had mace down this weekend really did not do much. just went and got a new shirt and pair of pants for this coming weekend... got most my stuff ready. and i got most of what i wanted for the trip. we did go out and spend some time with matt . think that's the most he and i have talk in 6 months. seems kinda odd still. he i and mace went to a movie. i almost reached out to hold his hand. it not something i think would start trouble but at the same point. he and i are at a point where faded love meets lets be friends. taking his hand to hold it. no matter how right it might feel to me would have been one really big fuck up. he and i are both moving on. i'm proud to say i'm past a lot of pain and hurt that i had a hard time dealing with. but it helped me face something..he and i have been down that broken road. going back would be a waist of what we have learned for it all. i'm not sure how much we'll friends . and trust is not something i am handing out any time soon. he has a busy life. he seems happy with what it's going into. i'm just starting back into mine and the path i am looking down may have a few sharp twist. but i can only hope to face it with grace and open eyes. i am hoping the this trip back to my grandfathers land will help me with some things i am working though. going back seems right but so much of me has been shut down for so long, waking that scares me just the same. in a side note this past weekend was mating session for dragons, hope all my scaled brothers had a safe and fun time. i spent mine in though of things i am working on and things i need more work with. being alone may not be great but at times we all need to face what comes along with it. so that's about it. take care and i wish you all better days.