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The Downward Spiral
12 years ago
Ugh so... I know I said I was coming back a month ago, and then I never did... :/ No one probably cares, but I've been struggling with SEVERE depression- like, honestly, I've been trying to fight off sucidal urges. I really wish sometimes that no one cared about me and realized how much better off the world would be without me, but people can't seem to realize that I'm just a fundamental fuck up who ruins everything... -_- Oh well... (No, please don't give me validating sympathetic comments- this is NOT for attention- this is for letting people know what is going on- super sappy comments will be deleted- I don't deserve any sympathy... I'm a horrible person- I truly believe that, and need to just self flagellate for a while)
But yeah... I have been drawing somewhat, and I worked on my overdue commission somewhat- I've never been this slow....But even my therapist says she's never seen me this depressed... x___x I'm hoping to go to FC this year- that might cheer me up- even though there will totally be people who don't wanna see me and I don't wanna see them... I'm sure that tons of my LOYAL friends will be there... Although then again, I'm on the fence, because the less I interact with people, the easier it will be for them to forget about me, and for me to just kind of crawl into a corner and die.
IDK. Yeah so.... That. :/ I know part of it is because terrible, terrible, unspeakable things have happened to me prevviously around this time of year...and I am constantly reminded/triggered by them.... Sigh..
You will probably see some art later, is what I'm trying to say.
But yeah... I have been drawing somewhat, and I worked on my overdue commission somewhat- I've never been this slow....But even my therapist says she's never seen me this depressed... x___x I'm hoping to go to FC this year- that might cheer me up- even though there will totally be people who don't wanna see me and I don't wanna see them... I'm sure that tons of my LOYAL friends will be there... Although then again, I'm on the fence, because the less I interact with people, the easier it will be for them to forget about me, and for me to just kind of crawl into a corner and die.
IDK. Yeah so.... That. :/ I know part of it is because terrible, terrible, unspeakable things have happened to me prevviously around this time of year...and I am constantly reminded/triggered by them.... Sigh..
You will probably see some art later, is what I'm trying to say.
This time of the year is always rough for depression. The shortness of the days, along with not being able to share in the cheer that others seem to have, as well as the New Year always causing reflections on the past year, makes it a horrible time for a lot of people. You just have to hang in there and tell yourself that the future will be better. Don't believe that things will never change. Everything always changes, and you just have to make sure they change for the better. :)
Blegh.... I think you hit the nail on the head. x.x At least excluding personal experiences... That's true- it does seem horrible for a lot of people. D: Blegh....