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Reason for all the vent art [long]
13 years ago
✚ B O O G E R S ✚
Looking through my gallery you can see four pieces that are all baw. These have been in the span of 2 weeks. I’m sorry to all of my friends that were like “omg let me help you” or “talk to me” and I just blew them off. These two weeks, well…month really, has been probably the most stress I have ever dealt with in a long time since 5909XIII (that’s a date and a number).
Finals happened, which was honestly not stressful, only real stressful part was taking the government final. Now, my dad made a proposition for me that if I got a 3.0, he would allow my boyfriend to fly out here fot this concert thing in February and then out again in May for prom. But…if I got a 3.2, he offered to pay for all of it. Now, that being said he literally said this TWO WEEKS before finals so I was kind of like WELP –stress-. I studied a little bit and such, enough to pass in order to get a 3.0 which is easy, but anything above that be difficult since I have some learning difficulties…along with professional procrastination. So there’s that.
Mostly that.
Then there is the stress that my parents are giving me to become more social. I have explained time and time again that I would be IF I HAD ANY FRIENDS WHO LIVED IN MY AREA AND NOT 45 MINUTES AWAY FROM MY HOUSE. This leads to me being in my room all the time talking to my online friends. I am actually fairly social around strangers, it’s just my family makes me feel awkward since I can’t act as myself TRULY around them (brother maybe since I swear a fuck ton). For example, college visit, meet up with a friend I met online since he goes to that college, I’m all awkward then mom leaves to go home and I stay for an overnight and then my friend and I just talk and act normally, taking goofy pictures and poking each other’s faces.
So there’s that too.
Back to the main issue of the 3.2. I got into my top college, I got a scholarship that will literally pay for AN ENTIRE YEAR of college. I am stressing out to make money in case I DON’T get this GPA. I have told Leland (bf) not to worry about it and he’s all fine and dandy I guess, but I literally have no idea what my grades are now. Dad tells me to relax “you can’t worry about something you can’t change”. The website that shows my grades is deactivated due to the last minute grades to be put in by teachers, which frankly is ironic since I took my finals a good 3 weeks ago…I think…and most of the tests were multiple choice on those scan-tron sheets, Anyway.
Final thing that’s somewhat personal is my whole anxiety fuckwad over how my parents will think of Leland. Honestly I don’t care what they think she he is MY boyfriend and they can’t judge someone literally BASED ON THE FACT THAT HE GOES TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE. And how they judge him on how we play XBOX together a lot and according to them it’s “all he does” which is not true. At all.
Constant questions ramble throughout my mind. “What will Leland think if I don’t get a 3.2? I rpomised him it would be okay. HE promised everything would be okay. Will he be mad? Will he be disappointed? Will we break up because of it?” I also snap at my parents/family in general since I just want to get away to college. Just be on my own, be my own /PERSON/.
I also have a lot of commissions to do…which…isn’t bad, just a stress relief really kinda, unless you are not decisive AT ALL and cant figure out want you want AT ALL, then that really stresses me out since I have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN which I can’t move on with my queue. Plus, I am taking a lot due to my constant need for money since I feel as if I will run out or something idek.
So that’s kinda it…mmm
Finals happened, which was honestly not stressful, only real stressful part was taking the government final. Now, my dad made a proposition for me that if I got a 3.0, he would allow my boyfriend to fly out here fot this concert thing in February and then out again in May for prom. But…if I got a 3.2, he offered to pay for all of it. Now, that being said he literally said this TWO WEEKS before finals so I was kind of like WELP –stress-. I studied a little bit and such, enough to pass in order to get a 3.0 which is easy, but anything above that be difficult since I have some learning difficulties…along with professional procrastination. So there’s that.
Mostly that.
Then there is the stress that my parents are giving me to become more social. I have explained time and time again that I would be IF I HAD ANY FRIENDS WHO LIVED IN MY AREA AND NOT 45 MINUTES AWAY FROM MY HOUSE. This leads to me being in my room all the time talking to my online friends. I am actually fairly social around strangers, it’s just my family makes me feel awkward since I can’t act as myself TRULY around them (brother maybe since I swear a fuck ton). For example, college visit, meet up with a friend I met online since he goes to that college, I’m all awkward then mom leaves to go home and I stay for an overnight and then my friend and I just talk and act normally, taking goofy pictures and poking each other’s faces.
So there’s that too.
Back to the main issue of the 3.2. I got into my top college, I got a scholarship that will literally pay for AN ENTIRE YEAR of college. I am stressing out to make money in case I DON’T get this GPA. I have told Leland (bf) not to worry about it and he’s all fine and dandy I guess, but I literally have no idea what my grades are now. Dad tells me to relax “you can’t worry about something you can’t change”. The website that shows my grades is deactivated due to the last minute grades to be put in by teachers, which frankly is ironic since I took my finals a good 3 weeks ago…I think…and most of the tests were multiple choice on those scan-tron sheets, Anyway.
Final thing that’s somewhat personal is my whole anxiety fuckwad over how my parents will think of Leland. Honestly I don’t care what they think she he is MY boyfriend and they can’t judge someone literally BASED ON THE FACT THAT HE GOES TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE. And how they judge him on how we play XBOX together a lot and according to them it’s “all he does” which is not true. At all.
Constant questions ramble throughout my mind. “What will Leland think if I don’t get a 3.2? I rpomised him it would be okay. HE promised everything would be okay. Will he be mad? Will he be disappointed? Will we break up because of it?” I also snap at my parents/family in general since I just want to get away to college. Just be on my own, be my own /PERSON/.
I also have a lot of commissions to do…which…isn’t bad, just a stress relief really kinda, unless you are not decisive AT ALL and cant figure out want you want AT ALL, then that really stresses me out since I have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN which I can’t move on with my queue. Plus, I am taking a lot due to my constant need for money since I feel as if I will run out or something idek.
So that’s kinda it…mmm
✚ B O O G E R S ✚
you can do it!
Aaa and sry bbu 4 da huge-o commish if its stressing ya :/
Socially all you can really do is shrug off your parents in this department. You know you're social even if it is online. No biggie right?
But hey, don't stress about the impression your significant other will make. Its easy to judge on what little you see, but once the meeting is done with, I'm sure the impression will be much better than just seeing the him play Xbox or going to a relatively lower budget school. At least the guy has the will to learn and go do something with his life right? Parents like judging your significant other very often, it ain't anything irregular about being overly critical about it.
As for grades, I'm sure you're fine. Just waiting around is all you really can do at this point. And your boyfriend?
Dooon't worry. When a man says everything is gonna be okay, that means he doesn't care how it turns out. He just wants your happiness and hes willing to get through whatever means necessary to make it through hard times be them emotional or financial.
I'm in a similar situation with my bf and his finals, where we were worried he was going to be deported if he didn't pass (apparently this is bs but the irish education system sucks anyway). But if you two really do care about each other then I don't think he would break up with you just because of some silly number on a scorecard. If you two want to see each other, there will be ways for you to see each other and your parents can tell that you're both trying your best.
Congrats on the scholarship and I hope things work out for you *hug*