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Odd day really...
13 years ago
General
One more day in my life.
Ever get an opportunity to look at yourself quite unexpectedly and suddenly realize exactly how deluded you really are? Funny how it happened to me today. I went to a meet today, a furmeet. And in a way it was fantastic. I met up with Spike, a fur who had dropped off the radar for years and was amazed with how we connected, and more than that, for the first time I was able to sit with him and talk in a way I had always wanted since I had first met him. That was fantastic. And I’m delighted he is local to the area.
Then I heard the rumbling. It would seem that a local friend who hosts meets of her own has recently run into trouble with complaints about her meets. The problem is that a lot of complaining has been going on behind the scene lately. Rumors and secret discussions and friend of a friend type comments. Accusations of misuse of authority, accusations of certain people not being invited, and even accusations of certain sub groups being unwelcome.
I could easily get into the long list of complaints, that are centered just around myself and the meets my mates and I host. But that isn’t why I feel I have to write this.
I screwed up. I moved to my friend’s side in an attempt to help her. To defend her and in that sense I feel, even now, that I did the right thing. When I stood before the crowd and begged them to come to us with their problems, to give us the chance to fix them, I feel I did that right as well. I even did my best to keep it succinct and short despite some things that came up. Probably didn’t succeed as well there, but I did try.
No… where I screwed up is when I looked all these fellow furs in the face and begged them to come to us I forgot one very important thing I wouldn’t realize until I was driving home. I was in effect, preaching to the choir. These furs WEREN’T the problem and never had been! Why was I reminding THEM about this? The problem was not them.
It was those who DIDN’T come to the meets. These were the predominant complainers, whiners and bitchers. These mysterious, nameless OTHERS who whine about how this meet is run, how that meet is organized, and even who runs them. Those were the ones I should have told.
But they were not there. They rarely if ever come to the meets. These people sit in the shadows of their personal worlds and snipe at the things they see from afar. These same people will likely never come out and form their complaints legitimately. They will likely never email or call us directly and discuss with us the problems they feel the meets have. Not like the regulars can and already do.
And that’s where I screwed up. I was just trying to protect someone from what felt like an anonymous cloud of hate and vitriol. And in the process forgot who I was talking to. These regular furs didn’t deserve to hear me speak as if they might be at fault. Because they were not. I got lost in my protective nature and forgot where the real culprits lived. I owe the regulars an apology.
And now I’m at a loss. How can we restore the strength of our local community, when there are these secretive complainers who chip away at the resolve of those who host these meets? What will happen when the threats, the complaints, the rumors, the accusations, and the all around ill will by these secretive complainers suddenly make those few who host these events give up and walk away? It isn’t the hosts who will suffer, but the whole community, even those who snub it.
I don’t know what to do.
Then I heard the rumbling. It would seem that a local friend who hosts meets of her own has recently run into trouble with complaints about her meets. The problem is that a lot of complaining has been going on behind the scene lately. Rumors and secret discussions and friend of a friend type comments. Accusations of misuse of authority, accusations of certain people not being invited, and even accusations of certain sub groups being unwelcome.
I could easily get into the long list of complaints, that are centered just around myself and the meets my mates and I host. But that isn’t why I feel I have to write this.
I screwed up. I moved to my friend’s side in an attempt to help her. To defend her and in that sense I feel, even now, that I did the right thing. When I stood before the crowd and begged them to come to us with their problems, to give us the chance to fix them, I feel I did that right as well. I even did my best to keep it succinct and short despite some things that came up. Probably didn’t succeed as well there, but I did try.
No… where I screwed up is when I looked all these fellow furs in the face and begged them to come to us I forgot one very important thing I wouldn’t realize until I was driving home. I was in effect, preaching to the choir. These furs WEREN’T the problem and never had been! Why was I reminding THEM about this? The problem was not them.
It was those who DIDN’T come to the meets. These were the predominant complainers, whiners and bitchers. These mysterious, nameless OTHERS who whine about how this meet is run, how that meet is organized, and even who runs them. Those were the ones I should have told.
But they were not there. They rarely if ever come to the meets. These people sit in the shadows of their personal worlds and snipe at the things they see from afar. These same people will likely never come out and form their complaints legitimately. They will likely never email or call us directly and discuss with us the problems they feel the meets have. Not like the regulars can and already do.
And that’s where I screwed up. I was just trying to protect someone from what felt like an anonymous cloud of hate and vitriol. And in the process forgot who I was talking to. These regular furs didn’t deserve to hear me speak as if they might be at fault. Because they were not. I got lost in my protective nature and forgot where the real culprits lived. I owe the regulars an apology.
And now I’m at a loss. How can we restore the strength of our local community, when there are these secretive complainers who chip away at the resolve of those who host these meets? What will happen when the threats, the complaints, the rumors, the accusations, and the all around ill will by these secretive complainers suddenly make those few who host these events give up and walk away? It isn’t the hosts who will suffer, but the whole community, even those who snub it.
I don’t know what to do.
But thank you and I am glad you feel welcome.
The bad part is, these people complaining... would never step up to the plate and host meets on their own. That'd be far too much like work on their part. But I REALLY wish they would. I wish they had HALF the balls they think they did and actually step up and host a meet just to prove what they are saying is right.
And I wish that for two reasons. For one, because they might just wake up and get a good healthy dose of reality and realize how much work goes into such events and how petty some of this backstabbing really is. And two, because they might actually have a point. For all I know they may be right about their methods being better. But until they are willing to step up and PROVE it, I'm not willing to blindly change everything on the whims of an individual.
Besides... the community would do much better with additional meets. Even bad ones. Because we learn from the mistakes, even if they are not ours. And we learn by example from the ones that work out right.
And anyone bitching about X or Y meet or con, should be required to host/staff one before being allowed to bitch again.
btw: expect to see me at more stuff around the city. Since being a hermit isn't making the home life any better, I'll go back to doing what I want and the spouse can go stuff herself.
Trash talking about a meet or the people running it (from the shadows and from behind the anonymity of a make-believe furry name) is probably as high as one can go in the scale of importance in Furry.
Plus my Autism makes it harder for me with so many people showing up.
This isn't anyones fault except mine. Well, it is either my or nobodies fault. I remember posting that no one would talk to me on the lonestar site, but that was influenced by depression.