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☆ star
13 years ago
General
I watched you from afar everything you did was so amzing to me
I was slowly losing my mind over you
I hated I couldn't just say hi
I used to cut myself everytime you tried to talk to me but didn't reply
my dreams were pure sadistic torture
I slowly began neglecting myself every action risked my life just so I could Trick myself into beliveing I could get closer to you
my speech began to slur my intelligence began to disappear
My mind was overflowing with you
I could'nt communicate normally anymore
Then you reached out you're hand to me
I grabbed it
Then my body forced me to let go
I was ashamed of what I had become my wrist were soaking with blood my legs were so sore I couldnt wear pants without shaking uncontrollaby from the pain
I tried to lie but what came out was jibberish a string of words and sounds that didn't form any kind of sentence
you smiled and grabbed my hand
I pulled away scared with tears in my eyes trying to mutter an apology
But you held on
I got mad and tried to hit you kick you anything to make you let go
But you smiled and held on even tighter
then you pulled up my sleeves and stared blankly at the scars and scabs and fresh slits that I made an hours before
You pulled the sleeves back down and held you're head down
You're grip began. Tighten
you looked at me a mangled up sorry thing not fit to be called an equal
and smiled
Then you hugged me
Your breath became hot on my shoulder
You began to sob and brought me to tears
I could feel your heart beat pounding in you're chest
your hug went from warm to uncomfortablly hot
Then you collasped bringing me to the ground
you never said a word
And I try to say so many but probably only managed to mutter a few
You looked at me with tears in your eyes and faded smile
I broke I couldn't control it I needed you
I hugged you hard as I could
You hugged back even harder
And then in this struggle for affection
You did it
you did the unthinkable
You made me smile
you said the words I have always wanted to
I'm happy
Like a star hidden behind smog and pollution
you shined brighter than when I last saw you
And guided me to a new way of thinking
That now
I needed you
and only you
to hurt me
I was slowly losing my mind over you
I hated I couldn't just say hi
I used to cut myself everytime you tried to talk to me but didn't reply
my dreams were pure sadistic torture
I slowly began neglecting myself every action risked my life just so I could Trick myself into beliveing I could get closer to you
my speech began to slur my intelligence began to disappear
My mind was overflowing with you
I could'nt communicate normally anymore
Then you reached out you're hand to me
I grabbed it
Then my body forced me to let go
I was ashamed of what I had become my wrist were soaking with blood my legs were so sore I couldnt wear pants without shaking uncontrollaby from the pain
I tried to lie but what came out was jibberish a string of words and sounds that didn't form any kind of sentence
you smiled and grabbed my hand
I pulled away scared with tears in my eyes trying to mutter an apology
But you held on
I got mad and tried to hit you kick you anything to make you let go
But you smiled and held on even tighter
then you pulled up my sleeves and stared blankly at the scars and scabs and fresh slits that I made an hours before
You pulled the sleeves back down and held you're head down
You're grip began. Tighten
you looked at me a mangled up sorry thing not fit to be called an equal
and smiled
Then you hugged me
Your breath became hot on my shoulder
You began to sob and brought me to tears
I could feel your heart beat pounding in you're chest
your hug went from warm to uncomfortablly hot
Then you collasped bringing me to the ground
you never said a word
And I try to say so many but probably only managed to mutter a few
You looked at me with tears in your eyes and faded smile
I broke I couldn't control it I needed you
I hugged you hard as I could
You hugged back even harder
And then in this struggle for affection
You did it
you did the unthinkable
You made me smile
you said the words I have always wanted to
I'm happy
Like a star hidden behind smog and pollution
you shined brighter than when I last saw you
And guided me to a new way of thinking
That now
I needed you
and only you
to hurt me
