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Valentine trades closed, i want to curl up and die?
13 years ago
General
Trip to, heave and ho; Up, down, to and fro- You have no word
Don't worry, i'll make a list of the people who are trading me in the next journal. right now i just need to rant, i need someone to talk to, i need just soem sign that someone out there is listening to me.
I've had issues with a person for a few months now. she's been slowly diggin me a grave and feeding me mental poison for a long time. I helped her out of a situation with a guy who i became friends with who has now also screwed me over. it's like they are both against me. it's like they both want to see me kill myself or something.
Am i the crazy one, when someone wants to hang out and then when i dont answer my phone (because it's off) conveniently ask t he person i'm hanging out with to go drink, and when i ask what he's doing after lunch tells me nothing, and so i ask him again, "Whats the secret, scruffy boy?" and he tells me nothing. another friend i'm with says "Hes probably visiting his girlfriend" which he starts laughing and says "I wish". i instantly know he's talking about her because hes been trying to get with her for a long time. (She ended up calling him a stalker and told him to leave her the fuck alone, but I guess that didn't end up happening.) So I said "oh, now i know who it is. is this a free party?" to which he replies "Oh so NOW you want to drink, just because SHE'S there." i got angry because he likes to use her to get under my skin. Me and her had a thing going on before he came into the picture. He knows how to push my buttons. I told him to drop it and i said i was only angry because i felt like he was enabling her to drink (She had an alcoholism problem.) he told me to stop mothering her and i told him i just didn't think it was cool that he wants to go get plastered with her when he knows how she is.
so i texted her and asked what she was up to, and she asked if i heard about the shenanigans. to which i told her "Yeah, but i wasnt invited". she flew off the handle thinking i accused her of not inviting me. all the while the dude is texting to her all this random shit talk about me goig into a "Fit of rage" and being "Pissed off the entire time" and "trying to stop him from going over to drink with her". So she calls me and says she doesn't want me to be a part of her life because apparently i'm a backstabbing bitch who thinks she's an alcoholic and is trying to push all of her friends away from her. I told her i didnt know what she was talking about and i wasnt accusing her of anything but she hung up on me. then on fb i get all these angry messages from her saying this is bullshit and all the stuff he texted her. I just..
Why do the people you trust end up fucking you over so bad? I can't handle this anymore. I got the guy a job at my work because i knew he needed it. i helped him through extreme depression. I helped him get over that girl because she was gonna come after him for being a stalker.
I helped her through two abusive relationships. I always listened to her problems and offered my help. I must've given her hundreds of dollars worth of food and tea and things because she said she was hungry.
When I want to be happy, when I want to hang out, they both lean down and shit on me.
I blocked both of them. I turned off my phone because he keeps texting me (which costs me, by the way) that i'm acting like a child (probably in response for me blocking him). I dont know what to do. I have to go to work. I just want to die.
I've had issues with a person for a few months now. she's been slowly diggin me a grave and feeding me mental poison for a long time. I helped her out of a situation with a guy who i became friends with who has now also screwed me over. it's like they are both against me. it's like they both want to see me kill myself or something.
Am i the crazy one, when someone wants to hang out and then when i dont answer my phone (because it's off) conveniently ask t he person i'm hanging out with to go drink, and when i ask what he's doing after lunch tells me nothing, and so i ask him again, "Whats the secret, scruffy boy?" and he tells me nothing. another friend i'm with says "Hes probably visiting his girlfriend" which he starts laughing and says "I wish". i instantly know he's talking about her because hes been trying to get with her for a long time. (She ended up calling him a stalker and told him to leave her the fuck alone, but I guess that didn't end up happening.) So I said "oh, now i know who it is. is this a free party?" to which he replies "Oh so NOW you want to drink, just because SHE'S there." i got angry because he likes to use her to get under my skin. Me and her had a thing going on before he came into the picture. He knows how to push my buttons. I told him to drop it and i said i was only angry because i felt like he was enabling her to drink (She had an alcoholism problem.) he told me to stop mothering her and i told him i just didn't think it was cool that he wants to go get plastered with her when he knows how she is.
so i texted her and asked what she was up to, and she asked if i heard about the shenanigans. to which i told her "Yeah, but i wasnt invited". she flew off the handle thinking i accused her of not inviting me. all the while the dude is texting to her all this random shit talk about me goig into a "Fit of rage" and being "Pissed off the entire time" and "trying to stop him from going over to drink with her". So she calls me and says she doesn't want me to be a part of her life because apparently i'm a backstabbing bitch who thinks she's an alcoholic and is trying to push all of her friends away from her. I told her i didnt know what she was talking about and i wasnt accusing her of anything but she hung up on me. then on fb i get all these angry messages from her saying this is bullshit and all the stuff he texted her. I just..
Why do the people you trust end up fucking you over so bad? I can't handle this anymore. I got the guy a job at my work because i knew he needed it. i helped him through extreme depression. I helped him get over that girl because she was gonna come after him for being a stalker.
I helped her through two abusive relationships. I always listened to her problems and offered my help. I must've given her hundreds of dollars worth of food and tea and things because she said she was hungry.
When I want to be happy, when I want to hang out, they both lean down and shit on me.
I blocked both of them. I turned off my phone because he keeps texting me (which costs me, by the way) that i'm acting like a child (probably in response for me blocking him). I dont know what to do. I have to go to work. I just want to die.
What I see here, correct me if I am wrong but, I guess what you're saying is you've helped these people in so many ways and now they don't seem to want your help any more?
To me it sounds like a bit of miscommunication and people starting shit for no apparent reason, which I'm sure will pass soon enough.
But I am sorry that people are treating you like this, No ONE should be treated like this. Just keep your head up and keep going, don't let people or life bring you down till you're in a situation were you may do something stupid. Keep you're mind off it, do something you enjoy that always helps. The more you think the worse it gets.
After a while if you still want to be around with them try to talk to them and see what's up. Try to build trust with them again.
Worst part is a lot of my other firends are closely associated with these people, and now i'm finding out they've "talked" to them. meaning they've shit-talked me and i probably am shit-listed from all of my other friends, even though i still have absolutely no idea what i've done, other than ask what i've done.
I cant help but think about it. i get to work with him tomorrow and they wont stop texting me even thoug i told them to stop. damn it..
Sorry your feeling so frustrated :(
Thank you for taking the time to post though. i'm just extremely frustrated and sad, it's like anervous breakdown but i really dont want to be on this planet right now.
None of this is your fault, Icy. I know it's hard not to doubt yourself when people who you think of as friends decide to treat you like dirt, but... really. It's absolutely not your fault.
As you said, you were just trying to look out for your friend. That's all. They, for reasons I don't know, chose to interpret your kindness as some sort of attack, but that's them misinterpreting you. I don't know what their deals are, considering I don't know them, but it sounds like they've got a lot of insecurities that they're taking out on you, which is NOT fair. At all. You don't deserve this. Nobody does, but especially not somebody like you who has nothing but good intentions.
Hang in there Icy :(
Maybe I am a fucking lunatic, I really don't know. all I know is that i spent a whole year doing nothing but going out of my way for this woman, taking her on trips, everything.. spending time with her, long talks, whatever she needed. And i'm a crazy evil psycho bitch because of that. I dont get it. I don't get why i'm a bad person for any of what I did. She's the one who called him a stalker and didn't want anything to do with him. i'm wondering if that was all a game. I'm just so hurt dude. And now they've talked to all of my other friends who also associate with them; they got the first word. Who knows that they've said. I'm sorry i rant so much dude. Thank you for your words. I just dont know what to do. i just want to shut them all out but they wont leave me alone.
But, again, that's the thing: The problem lies with her, not you. You are not at fault. At all. You're just trying to help, and for whatever reason, she finds that threatening. It's not you, it's her, and I'm so so so sorry that you've had to suffer so much because of it :(
I know that it's really hard to deal with people like that. On one hand, your common sense is telling you to remove them from your life as quickly as possible and avoid them at all costs, but on the other hand... you know that there's something wrong with them, and your compassionate nature makes you feel like it's your responsibility to try and help. And there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. It just proves that you're a loyal friend. I guess the best advice I can give is that you have to try and remember that no matter what, it is not your responsibility to repair her. You don't have to remover her from your life if you don't want to, but you also don't have to go out of your way to try and help her when she doesn't solicit your help. Sure, you can listen to her when she needs to vent if you feel like you want to do that, but it's not your job to look out for her. It's really hard because you obviously really do care about her, and there's got to be some reason why that is, but fixing her is just too big a job for one person. It's just making both of you miserable. The best thing you can do is to try and limit the amount you do for her. You don't have to remove her from your life; just don't overwork yourself. I'm so so so sorry that this relationship has become so toxic for you :(
Now i get it from both sides. I snapped at him yesterday because he wanted to go get her drunk and he kept trying to avoid that fact, he wouldnt tell me who he was gonna get drunk with, and he kept laughing about it and making it seem like asking, or even asking if i could come, was a big joke. i found out it was her and he accused me, because i got worried for her, of mothering her. he said i needed to grow up and get over it and then the shit flew. because while we were having that conversation, and when he decided to call me passive aggreassive and I replied "No, i'm not passive aggressive. i'm just aggressive, because you know i dont like to be called names, i asked you to stop, andi dont think it's cool for you to want to go get drunk with someone who has admitted to having an alcohol problem." he texted her saying that i exploded and threw a big fit, that i was goign crazy because he mentioned her name, and that i refused to talk to him. so she in turn messaged me, rather than calling me, saying i was a shitty friend, that i wasn't worth her time, all this other stuff. she said she didnt want to deal with me. so i'm done. i've blocked them. but that hasn't stopped the guy from shit talking to all of my other friends and texting me when it costs me money to text and he knows that, and they just wont stop calling and texting me. i wish they would leave me alone. I can't take it.
Ugh, this whole situation is still just really awful though. Are your other friends actually buying into the crap those two are telling them? I'd imagine those who know you well would have a hard time believing them. You don't seem to be the confrontational type in the slightest, so if someone were to tell me you "exploded" and "threw a fit," I'd find that to be very strange, and wonder what might have triggered such an outburst instead of labeling you "crazy." I don't think you have to worry about your real friends turning against you, because I'm sure that they of all people will know just how far somebody would have to push you to make you so infuriated.
It's really fucking hard, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to ignore those two. Don't respond to their texts or calls unless they seem like they actually want to talk it out in a civil fashion and not just throw insults at you (and if they start doing that, end the conversation), and you would be the best judge of that. Aside from that, it's the old tactic I always used against bullies: If you ignore them long enough, they will get bored and go away. If someone's only motivation is to try and make you feel upset, the best way to get them to stop is to simply not give them the satisfaction of a reaction. Of course, I'm not saying you shouldn't feel anything! It still hurts a LOT, and you should talk about it to friends you trust if that makes you feel better (you are always welcome to note me, if you feel comfortable talking about something with me! I'm always here to listen!). The trick is simply to not give them what they want from you, which in this case is to see you feeling bad.
And of course, if it gets to the point where they start trying to solicit you in person... well... the only thing I could think of is a restraining order. They have no right to intrude upon your personal space and threaten you, physically or emotionally!
Ugh. I hate to see you feeling this way, Icy :( I know it's really terrible, but just know that what these two people are saying to you isn't true, and none of your other friends feel that way about you. You're so kind and compassionate, and anyone who isn't blinded by their own rage can see that. I hope all of this shit stops soon, because you truly do not deserve to be treated this way. Hang in there <3
happy to lend an ear if you want to vent.
And that's the thing, She -WONT- talk to me. she wont have a conversation unless it entails her screaming at me and calling me names. if i ask her to just talk, or to come over and talk face to face, she shuts down. I ask her a question, it's either a smart-ass response or "I dont know". and if i try to get a more detailed answer she accuses me of prying into her life and shuts me out totally. It's only if she needs to rant that she'll talk to me. and i listen. but the moment there is any miscommunication and she decides to attack me, if i try to question her or in the very least defend myself, i'm the devil. Automatic shunning. Go to hell card is drawn. And I end up apologizing for who the hell knows what and get ignored until she decides to talk to me again.
The thing for me is, i've NEVER had this problem with anyone else. seriously. all of their friends, my friends, love me. people i know online like me, i think. People i meet randomly love me. She is the only one where it's like everything i say turns to acid in her mind.
I've also tried to explain that I have trouble communicating when i'm upset. because i lose my words and i can't talk very well when i'm shaken. But they dont seem to care. and when i tell them how i feel about a negative situation, they tell me i'm selfish and trying to make myself look like a victim. Its so confusing to deal with this. i'm so stressed from it.
Thank you. if it gets any worse i might take you up on that.
Your situation sounds different, seems like she's not giving you anything to like about her anymore. It's so messed up that people do this to each other. I don't know you all too well but you can't be such a terrible person to have earned such disrespect. What's wrong with her ego that he has to take you down to feel better?
Maybe the best thing to do is find some way to just lay low and let these people all calm down and realize how stupid they're being.
She likes to always pull the "passive aggressive" card on me. If i make a joke, i'm passive aggressive. If I get irritated because she's lied to me about something and either wont admit it or rubs it in my face: passive aggressive. if I am accused of being passive aggressive and try to apologize, she says this further proves my passive aggressiveness and that the doesn't want to talk to me again.. Until she wants something. And then she talks to me. To which I usually avoid her calls because i'm afraid of opening my mouth. And her counter to that is to find out where i'm at and show up there. It's to the point where she's told this guy i'm passive aggressive, and so everytime I ask a question or avoid a jab from him, he says "Look whose being passive aggressive. stop being such a child." I can't tolerate insults like that. I can't..
I know i'm proably gonna get stuck again. But I don't want to. I love her, but right now I also fear her. And that shouldn't be what love is. Love shouldn't be about lies,confusion, accusations, distrust and fear. I still look at her and my heart will melt. But if she looks at me i'm afraid to make eye contact. It's that bad. To me, mental abuse hurts just as bad as physical. I'm sure they've both already shit talked me and slandered my name just for blocking them and trying to shut them out of my heart for a while.constant textx which will cost me money i dont have. It's never been liek this for any of my friends. I've never had anyone else accuse me of being this way. I've had friends for years and even my new friends love me. I think that's what hurts me the most. I just don't fully understand what I did to make her hate me so much, or to make her use me so much. I actually looked online to see if there are tactics in a relationship, like for mental abuse, because i once helped her out of a "situation" with a sociopath. I found this. And on the checklist, more than half of the things on the bullet lists have been done to me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psycho.....l_manipulation
I've caught her in lies recently, too. So my trust has been sliding.
Anyways, i'm sorry for unloading, dude. I guess I rant to collect opinions from other people, to see if i'm as crazy as they say. I try to analyze situations like this that really confuse me, but it's hard to concentrate when you're blindsided by feelings, you know? It's hard to give judgement. This situation you are in.. She treats you good at least, right? Because i really don't want to see anyone be put through what i'm dealing with right now. While it's fun to problem-solve, some problems just aren't repairable, no matter what you try. -hug- Thank you for taking the time to post all of this.
It is difficult to think about certain people and situations in a logical way when there's so much emotion entrenched. I let my friend treat me like I'm her cousin, someone she occasionally cares for, but not on any intimate or close level, because I can't do it any other way. She has me and every time I almost slip away she brings me right back. I'm a firm believer that we are in control of our own lives, but I make an exception for her. It's probably really stupid, but I guess life would be pretty boring if we all acted in ways that made perfect sense all the time.
@-@
WWWWWTTTTFFFF. Okay, so that's exactly, to the T, how i've been going about things with this girl in question, for the past few months. Exactly.
It's like treading on thin ice. Recently she has seemed to care just enough to sometimes check up on me, usually when she wanted something, never to just ask how i've been or anything like that. But She was never close, never intimate. She used to be, but it all got cold for some reason. I think she got bored with me. Then she'll come up with a reason to accuse me of something, say she never wants to talk to me again, says our friendship is stupid, and then three weeks later she wants to know what i've been up to and if i want to go do something.
I'm not gonna tlak you out of it, even though it sounds so incredibly similar, because I don't think this person you are talking about treats you like gum on your shoe. It took me so long to realize she was poisoning me, and even after this, even after i blocked her, if she keeps calling me i know one of these days i'm gonna pick up the phone. and then i'll be caught again. Because she'll make me feel like i'm wanted, like i'm needed, even if it's only for her convenience. :/