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Desperate for Direction...(Good Read for Local Furs)
13 years ago
General
Well, I was honestly debating whether or not I wanted to make a journal in this phase of life that I'm in. Needless to say, I consider this a perfect time.
As I was dealing with the marriage of a brother of mine, the weight of what I thought would be public humiliation of him and everyone in my family (except my mother) was actually lifted off of me during the celebration. Consider it a miracle or not, as much as I hoped that I'd let it go, something else seemed to bother me.
Because of my brother's new success in the case of relationship, a weight was added on to me that is causing this journal for which you are seeing.
You see, unlike most of my family, I am very much inept in two particular fields; in relationships and in career.
Now I know you know I do have friends online, but let's be honest. If I would see them face-to-face, how long would it be before I finally get to see them? Shouldn't I also be trying to seek close bondage for somebody that I can in fact see face-to-face?
"Certainly so," I say, but that seems to feel like a pipe dream to me. Not to mention the fact that I am very critical in knowing who I feel would understand me the most. Please don't take that offensively, though. I just want the best social chemistry possible.
I don't really need to add as much about my job-seeking, other than that I know I'm seeking schooling, but I really want to know what to go for. I'd like help for that, but I'm not in dire straights about it~ xD;
But yeah, I really want people to understand where I'm coming from, and why I want local friends so badly. As sad as it may seem, every member in my family, except my mother, has been extremely rude and ignorant of my existance. Like someone who lacks the close bondage of family members, I feel this huge void in me that I firmly believe needs filled.
I'm not saying that I expect everyone to sympathize with me. In fact, I will respect you if you aren't able to somehow do so. I just want to leave this journal here and see how people react to it. I figure that this might help people understand more about me, but like I say, I won't pressure you on that.
Well, that is all I have to say. I just needed to vent about certain events. That and I really want to pull my motivation back up. Thank you for reading and I look forward to some helpful responses to this journal! :3
-- Foxytail (Tim)
It was fun for a long while while i was younger, but over time it rather sucked for me to be locked in a non-physical relationship with someone who is miles away. When things came down, parents became overbearing and situations got out of hand, I didn't have anyone I could go to and hold, or who could help me (beyond my real life friends from high school) and it felt very depressing. I was thankfully able to get past a lot on my own, but having someone else for you is a very powerful and uplifting experience.
The internet as a thing has dramatically changed our experiences and our abilities to form relationships and interact socially. It's really beautiful because of that. But it also unintentionally stunted a few things that used to be socially common among individuals growing up in environments unique to themselves. It allowed for the creation of an individualized kind of social bubble, where the average person can not only develop an understanding of the world distinct from their parents', but also maintain it and remain socially obscured for indefinite amounts of time. :o
I always found it interesting, but... you know; at the end of the day, realistically, while it's great here on the internet, it's just an expanded tool-- A device created for one purpose and being used for one that its creators may not have seen coming within their lifetimes or with their own lifestyles. As such it's good that we come to understand this and step back into trying to exist socially within real life, reaching out to our neighbors and real people around us. :3
In that case, just look at my latest post below. :P
Though I still want to cling to the friend I have from long-distance, more or less, it's difficult when circumstances cause me to feel vulnerable and the friend can't be there to comfort in that time of need. Now as far as my family goes, my Mom is the only tolerable one. Occasionally, the insecure moments are triggered from either being reminded of the rest of the family or just there with those family members without choice.
I just wish there was somebody out there to bond with almost like I would with my friend online. Likewise, all I should do really is hold my head up and keep trying.
Personally, I like to check out the FA accounts relevant to my state/area. They can be nice ways to see if there are people that at least share some particular interests in things. :>