to those who i have made worry.. i apologize.. so here it is..

before i started writing this.. needed something soothing to help me write all this.. and i was listening to this.. listen to it while u read it plz
[link]

a while ago.. there is a co-worker who i got along with very well.. she is a 17 yr old half white half Vietnamese girl.. her name is Autumn.. a few months later she had gotten her brother a job with us as well.. his name is Nathan.. Nate for short.. me and nate hit it off almost instantly.. me being exceptionally good at fighting games we got along, we would also play yugioh together.. then he introduced me to his older brother dan and there roommate Ken (nate lives with his parents because he just turned 21)

i have had dinner with his family.. his family is very united.. his parents had 2 girls and 2 boys (dan, nate, sadina and autumn) they are the type to turn off all TV's and games and have dinner at the table.. i love having dinner with them.. i had introduced nate and his family to my wife and Daughter.. her and nate hit it off as well.. i know i talk to alot of girls and all.. but not like she did.. she would invite him over while i was at work and text and talk and all that jazz.. me and Jess ( ) were beginning to raise suspicions that something was fishy.. i have full trust in my instincts.. so Jess had suggested that i use the direct approach.. just confront her.. so i did.. and she denied the whole thing.. seeing as it was all speculation and no hard evidence, i let it slide.. but i kept my guard up..

last tuesday ( 1/22/13) it was really slow at work.. and my boss had told me to take the rest of the evening off.. i was originally suppose to work till 11 pm that night.. but he lets me go at 7:30 pm.. i had called Ken (nates roommate) and asked if me, him ,dan and nate could chill.. Ken informs me that they dont know where nate is.. now, i know nate is the type to stay home and play games, and informs everyone of where he is going.. but noone knew where he went.. that was my first suspicion.. quickly i got off the phone with him and called Jess.. i gave her the update and we both automatically assumed something was up.. but we quickly pushed the thought of nate being at my house out of our minds.. i go straight home.. im standing in my front door, and i get off the phone with Jess.. she tells me if anithing happens to instantly let her know, then wishes me luck, i get off the phone and enter my house.. yea.. i walked in on them having sex.. completely naked.. for a moment, i thought i was hilusinating.. or my daydreaming getting out of hand.. but no.. when he saw me coming through the door.. nate gets up and darts towards my bathroom.. she is standing there.. looking at me.. i walk passed her into my kitcheen where i ritually do every night i come home from work.. i take my jacket off and my bookbag off.. and i set it behind one of my dinning room chairs.. she begins talking to me.. but i cant remember anithing she said.. i was in a daze.. my mind attenpting to process all that information.. i didnt realize it, but i stood there for 5 minutes.. then i was snapped back into reality by my cellphone going off.. it was Jess.. she was worried because i hadnt said anithing.. i told her what i walked in on.. she quickly told me to get my jacket and bag and left to her place (she lived about 15 minutes away) and i did.. i left them both in the apartment.. and i went to her place.. i dont remember going there, i dont remember walking to her place, or even seeing her let me in her place, sit me down and give me a cup of tea.. i told her wat happend.. and after i was done, my phone was going off with Text messages from Ebony (wife) saying she was sorry, and watnot.. i didnt reply to any of them.. since she was getting no responce from me, he then called Jess's phone.. and told her everything.. Jess didnt yell.. just got off the phone.. 1 am hit and i decided to go home.. i got home and i went into the bed room, snatched the blanket from her and kicked her out of our bedroom.. i told her she lost all privilege of sleeping in the bedroom.. she didnt struggle.. and i stayed up all night sulking.. i havent sleep since then..

nate has been avoiding me like i am the plague.. in great morbid fear of his life.. or so his siblings have told me.. i saw him at work.. and he froze and went pale.. he was sitting in his car.. when he saw me.. he sped off.. i had more than enough apt time to run out and pull him out of his car.. but i didnt.. i have been doing alot of thinking.. and this is the ultimate test of virtue.. i have every right to beat the shit out of him.. but i have been repeating 1 thing in my mind.. and it has helped me SO much.. its not just a cartoon.. it has helped me in these hard times.. ALL of my co-workers and friends have been nothing but help and support.. (Me-me, Ceara, Jess specifically have made the most help) and this made me realize that if i had no friendship.. i would be lost.. i dont think i could ever forgive my wife.. and a divorce is the only solution at this point.. my main consern right now my my daughter.. she is my world.. and i will do everything in my power to get full custody.. the wonderful thing is that.. im not alone.. everyone will help me.. this gives me strength..

i have given it much thought... but i dont hate Ebony.. or nate... i only feel disappointment and disgust.. but no hate.. because if i did, i would be a hypocrite about everything i stand for..

"Love and Tolerance"