Well, since this is far long overdue, I guess it's about time that I give an 'update' on recent events.

==============
=Life As It Seems:=
==============

There has been a lot of ups and downs lately in the world that is Nialus. Everything from heartbreak to happiest moments, the spectrum of emotions that have been facilitating the day to day have become steadily overwhelming over the past while. The most recent debilitating event being that of a fight with a really close friend of mine. In all honesty, it quite nearly destroyed me suffice to say. But as it is, he gave me a quick declaration of things he wanted to and not to do. This is fine, because at this point I really don't want to agitate the wound more than it already has, so I've quietly decided to bite the bullet and just accept whatever ultimatum.

Among other things, today is the 4 year anniversary of my boyfriend and I. So that was something that helped perked up the mood. I've also been having on and off conversations with friends over the previous weeks, and I know a lot of you might think I'm outright ignoring you for whatever negative reason you might think I have, but cut me some slack, I'm multitasking about ten things when I'm messaged.

There is also the issue of my continued presence here at FA. Don't get me wrong, this is not a declaration of my leave once again, I like being here. But as it stands, it's hard to keep up the energy that fuels the feedback and activity necessary to help maintain a steady stream of people coming to my page. There is also the issue of the "Porn Industry" that FA is fundamentally run on. I love me a good XXX image, but god damnit, it's no wonder that people are ridiculed so often for being a "Furry" lol. When it comes to the decision of me choosing to do Porn JUST so that I am able to rake in a few extra peeps, it's pretty disheartening.


===============
==Art As It Seems:==
===============

Among everything else, I do apologize for the lack of updates drawing-wise. Honestly, motivation is close to 0%. The few quality-lacking pieces I did post was just force-fed inspiration to do SOMETHING. This is mainly due to the fact that the people who acted as my muse, are no longer active or I have nuked bridges with. That horrifying moment when you realize that the reason you were able to speedsketch 30 drawings a week just to make a friend smile is gone, is absolutely soul crushing. So, as it stands, drawing may come to a complete stop altogether soon. Streams are empty, conversations are dull and lifeless, and the negative drama fuels negativity which breeds depression that ultimately leads to me doing nothing in the end.

I really am trying to imrpove upon things, and as it stands, I'm hoping to fix friendships I have moronically ripped apart in the future. But the level of shame is a real deterrent. In any case, this about wraps up everything you need to know.

I do apologize about the lengthy journal, and I know about 99.9% of you won't read it, but it's there for those that do. I'll tell everyone now, I'm not looking for comfort or reassurance. Not looking for people to tell me they're "My friends", trust me, if I didn't think that I'd tell you to outright go f*** yourself 8D. Right now, I'm looking for solutions, reasons to help me restart and respark my desire to draw for YOU guys, and especially close friends.


That's all, kids
-N