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OOPS SORRY ABOUT THAT JOURNAL
12 years ago
I didn't mean to concern anyone! Last night there was just an amalgam of things going on, and I was so distraught that... all I could really do was type it out, haha.
My depressed feelings aren't exactly gone, but I've managed to hide them away, again. Which I generally dislike doing, but I feel like there's just so much going on in life-- stuff with time limits and deadlines-- that I can't really devote time to actually healing these issues, right now.
ANYWAY. FOR THOSE WHO ASKED.
ESSENTIALLY, LAST NIGHT'S DEPRESSION WAS DIRECTLY RELATED TO:
1. A feeling of detatchment from my own artwork.
I'm back to disliking my style, and wondering where I want to go with my own work. THE USUAL.
However, the unusual part of it is that I've virtually stopped drawing, this time. Half the time, I can only draw when I'm either in class, or around other people.
2. Fursuit discouragement
Furry Fiesta is in less than a month, and my suits are ready to go aside from the fucking fur. This is actually probably the root cause of all my depression, haha-- just being able to say "yes, my head is done" would lift SO much of the pain and anxiety off my shoulders. BUT I CAN'T. Something I want so badly, and could so easily do, yet can't due to a simple lack of funds.
3. Lack of funds
Oh yeah, that's right... I have no money. Like, I'm literally $8 away from being able to preorder a ticket to Furry Fiesta, but I'm not going to get paid for the month until after preordering ends. FFFFFF
4. Health concerns
Both my own, and those of my close family. Nothing urgent, really, but... worrisome, nonetheless.
5. INABILITY TO CRY
I WAS BABYSITTING LAST NIGHT, SO I COULDN'T CRY OR VENT, REALLY. It's been a good while since I've just let myself cry, so last night when I actually wanted/needed to, I had to hold back. SO THAT OBV. JUST INCREASED THE FRUSTRATION.
THAT'S WHAT WAS UP.
NOTHING SERIOUS JUST
LIFE
Frankly, there's actually a LOT more than that going on (issues with school, work, etc.) but I got tired of listing things. COMPLAINING JUST GETS BORING IDK.
I feel really lost right now, in general, and I feel like my life's kind of at a pivotal point...
So, right now it's just a matter of keeping in control as much as possible, and putting off my less pressing concerns (my art, etc.) in favor of stuff with deadlines (school, work.)
Or, maybe that's the opposite of what I should be doing?
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
BUT I'MMA JUST KEEP TRUCKING AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.
My depressed feelings aren't exactly gone, but I've managed to hide them away, again. Which I generally dislike doing, but I feel like there's just so much going on in life-- stuff with time limits and deadlines-- that I can't really devote time to actually healing these issues, right now.
ANYWAY. FOR THOSE WHO ASKED.
ESSENTIALLY, LAST NIGHT'S DEPRESSION WAS DIRECTLY RELATED TO:
1. A feeling of detatchment from my own artwork.
I'm back to disliking my style, and wondering where I want to go with my own work. THE USUAL.
However, the unusual part of it is that I've virtually stopped drawing, this time. Half the time, I can only draw when I'm either in class, or around other people.
2. Fursuit discouragement
Furry Fiesta is in less than a month, and my suits are ready to go aside from the fucking fur. This is actually probably the root cause of all my depression, haha-- just being able to say "yes, my head is done" would lift SO much of the pain and anxiety off my shoulders. BUT I CAN'T. Something I want so badly, and could so easily do, yet can't due to a simple lack of funds.
3. Lack of funds
Oh yeah, that's right... I have no money. Like, I'm literally $8 away from being able to preorder a ticket to Furry Fiesta, but I'm not going to get paid for the month until after preordering ends. FFFFFF
4. Health concerns
Both my own, and those of my close family. Nothing urgent, really, but... worrisome, nonetheless.
5. INABILITY TO CRY
I WAS BABYSITTING LAST NIGHT, SO I COULDN'T CRY OR VENT, REALLY. It's been a good while since I've just let myself cry, so last night when I actually wanted/needed to, I had to hold back. SO THAT OBV. JUST INCREASED THE FRUSTRATION.
THAT'S WHAT WAS UP.
NOTHING SERIOUS JUST
LIFE
Frankly, there's actually a LOT more than that going on (issues with school, work, etc.) but I got tired of listing things. COMPLAINING JUST GETS BORING IDK.
I feel really lost right now, in general, and I feel like my life's kind of at a pivotal point...
So, right now it's just a matter of keeping in control as much as possible, and putting off my less pressing concerns (my art, etc.) in favor of stuff with deadlines (school, work.)
Or, maybe that's the opposite of what I should be doing?
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
BUT I'MMA JUST KEEP TRUCKING AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.
Or, maybe that's the opposite of what I should be doing?"
No, keep doing what you're doing. One thing I've found working in the corporate world is that an education, no matter what it is for, carries you a long way. We have many positions that HR won't consider unless the applicant has a college degree. It doesn't matter what they majored in.
If there is one thing you should do, above all, it's finish your education.
Thus far, this semester's workload hasn't been to heavy, so I've been able to do a bit of that, and I think it's helping somewhat! But, we'll see how long that can be maintained, haha.
Thanks a ton for the advice, though, man. :)
A lot of the time, I wonder how worthwhile school is, and [i]do[i] want to just drop the idea... Sometimes, though, just hearing a bit of reasoning for why I'm putting myself through all this can really help me tough it out. So, sincerely, thank you for just sharing a bit of time to comment-- it does help, and I'm sure it's a thought I'll come back to whenever I'm struggling!