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Small Coincidinks
12 years ago
Sometimes the world's small coincidences sneak up on me. Take today for instance.
I head out to class, but on the way I get informed that the schedules have changed and the class today would be something I'd otherwise skip to study on my own. However, I only read the message AFTER I got there due to fear of bringing out my Phone in public (muggings and all that).
So I get there and almost get forced to enter the class I'd just be mindlessly not listening to. Somehow I get away without really getting noticed.
I decided to head over to Burger King, because it's near, and peaceful enough to study in for a while without getting distracted by the internet (I'm home now and finished one topic there).
Lo and Behold as I was in line to buy some Onion Rings (love the stuff and didn't want to be a douche an lounge about without buying anything) my older Half-Sister, the one I never talk about with anyone, and positively despise for personal reasons concerning her causing so much grief to our family, was there. Lined up behind me and called out my name in surprise.
Now what's more, I was JUST discussing something about her yesterday. So this was mindblowingly strange. AND what's MORE, I believe she doesn't even LIVE near there, and according to her was just in the area to pick up a broken camera after she had it repaired.
I have no idea how likely it was we'd meet at all ever after not speaking with her for a year or 2 or more... but there it was.
Now I'd like to tell you that we finally patched things up and everything's okay now, but that would be a huge lie. In an ideal world I would be more forgiving, but then again our world was anything but.
I turned when she called, exclaimed my surprise, asked why she was around the area, she asked why I was in the area, if I was still studying, and some pleasantries. She then offered to treat me some food. Now being prideful as I am I declined. Also being antisocial, I knew buying me food would then lead to us sharing a table and talking. Which was (1) something I can't afford to do because I came there to study (the exam's in 5 freaking days OMG HELP), (2) something I didn't WANT to do because I wear my emotions on my sleeves, and might have done something I'd regret, and (3) something that could lead into her asking for me to stop being a dick (let's be honest I am) and finally forgive her which I'm not ready to do yet.
So... reading that I bet you came to the conclusion that I incessantly denied her proposal. In which you'd be correct.
Now lecture me all you want about missed chances. Of forgiving someone. But let me tell you: You have no idea what she put my family through... the broken trust... I'll admit now that I treated her as a sister before, someone to follow, but as the years went on it became apparent to me that she wasn't someone I should look up to, that for the sake of my younger brother, I should take up the mantel as the Role Model instead. And so I did.
Maybe One day we could make peace... Maybe.... but not today... not this near to one of the most important exams I'll need to take. I made the choice to do what I did... May it be wrong or shallow, I'll be the one living with it anyway.
PS: One more mindfuckng coincidink.... The second most crucial day of the exams... is set on her birthday... Ican'teven...
I head out to class, but on the way I get informed that the schedules have changed and the class today would be something I'd otherwise skip to study on my own. However, I only read the message AFTER I got there due to fear of bringing out my Phone in public (muggings and all that).
So I get there and almost get forced to enter the class I'd just be mindlessly not listening to. Somehow I get away without really getting noticed.
I decided to head over to Burger King, because it's near, and peaceful enough to study in for a while without getting distracted by the internet (I'm home now and finished one topic there).
Lo and Behold as I was in line to buy some Onion Rings (love the stuff and didn't want to be a douche an lounge about without buying anything) my older Half-Sister, the one I never talk about with anyone, and positively despise for personal reasons concerning her causing so much grief to our family, was there. Lined up behind me and called out my name in surprise.
Now what's more, I was JUST discussing something about her yesterday. So this was mindblowingly strange. AND what's MORE, I believe she doesn't even LIVE near there, and according to her was just in the area to pick up a broken camera after she had it repaired.
I have no idea how likely it was we'd meet at all ever after not speaking with her for a year or 2 or more... but there it was.
Now I'd like to tell you that we finally patched things up and everything's okay now, but that would be a huge lie. In an ideal world I would be more forgiving, but then again our world was anything but.
I turned when she called, exclaimed my surprise, asked why she was around the area, she asked why I was in the area, if I was still studying, and some pleasantries. She then offered to treat me some food. Now being prideful as I am I declined. Also being antisocial, I knew buying me food would then lead to us sharing a table and talking. Which was (1) something I can't afford to do because I came there to study (the exam's in 5 freaking days OMG HELP), (2) something I didn't WANT to do because I wear my emotions on my sleeves, and might have done something I'd regret, and (3) something that could lead into her asking for me to stop being a dick (let's be honest I am) and finally forgive her which I'm not ready to do yet.
So... reading that I bet you came to the conclusion that I incessantly denied her proposal. In which you'd be correct.
Now lecture me all you want about missed chances. Of forgiving someone. But let me tell you: You have no idea what she put my family through... the broken trust... I'll admit now that I treated her as a sister before, someone to follow, but as the years went on it became apparent to me that she wasn't someone I should look up to, that for the sake of my younger brother, I should take up the mantel as the Role Model instead. And so I did.
Maybe One day we could make peace... Maybe.... but not today... not this near to one of the most important exams I'll need to take. I made the choice to do what I did... May it be wrong or shallow, I'll be the one living with it anyway.
PS: One more mindfuckng coincidink.... The second most crucial day of the exams... is set on her birthday... Ican'teven...
