Reflections are full of misconceived tidings. I often think I am the worst person in the history of man due to these conceptions. I mean whats killing 6 million Jews to the thought of leading to the death of someone you truly love. Yes, i do value him that much, even after this time. After all regardless of their faith, they and their emaciated and touched bodies mean nothing to me. That is a coping mechanism of humanity after all. The horrible things of the past mean nothing to you because you did not know the people. Holocaust be dammed.

The thought in question is something I used to often cite: "After all, you could be dead tomorrow." As some sort of common anecdote more fitting than: seize the day. Yes it is true that I've found love in others, but its not the same. I often feel like its some compromise. Perhaps I'm just feeling the "jitters" because I'm enjoying a new relationship after all this time, but I'm not sure how good I should feel about it. After all the other party seems in the same boat much of the time, still feeling attachments to his former love... but lucky, and perhaps both unlucky, for him is still kicking and breathing.

He seems much more nervous than I. So I suppose I can consider it being were emo fags and all, but I cant help often thinking of the past. Not in a comparison fashion, but just to the thoughts and feelings I've experienced. I suppose I have to just work though them. As I did with my loves before... I often feel like a strange human being, because in truth I've never stopped loving anyone, no matter how they've hurt me, so I suppose I'm fucked in the feeling department. The logical centers of my brain taking over and protecting me from harm are my friends I guess.

So Rel, Jess, Sarah, Mike, Greg, and especially Gary I still love you all despite your faults. I suppose that's okay.