It is a little worrisome to find your happy place in disrepair and decay, and I can't say I've heard of someone doing that before but I'll offer to share somethings it might mean.

Maybe there's some big changes going on and someone (Not even necessarily you) wrecking your solace is a symbol that you're getting worried that there is no safe place. That there is no refuge from the storms. If it was your own doing maybe there's something about yourself that's bothering you and self-sabotage was an unconscious attempt to make you stop running (misguided or not). If it happens often then I might agree on the "depths of disrepair" but if it's only happened once then I would say you can rebuild and refocus.

Everyone struggles sometimes, just in different ways and if it's that bad that even your bastion came under ruin and siege then maybe something else needs to be fixed. I don't know what else is going on that may have caused this to happen but you can get through it. Might have to repair your happy place or even find a new one if it bothers you to think of that one after seeing it wrecked, though just consider what else might be contributing to your anxieties or issues and see what can maybe be done to address them.

Heck no, I'll get a hammer and nails and fix the place up ... not sure how I can force it to snow, but I'm sure it'll take care of itself. It just took me by absolute surprise to find it like that. I put no mental effort into breaking it. Was just like that when I got there. Like there's a sinister element in my mind I'm not conscious of looking to make me miserable.

While its true I am a life long, serious pessimist and I have to admit that I'm not happy unless I'm miserable, there's a difference between taking a bit of delight in looking on the dark side and always preparing for disappointment so it never hits you hard enough to hurt, and having a panic attack because things have just gone one stage too stressful to handle.

I'm sure it will all be right. Was just in a bad place last night.
Good thing about pessimist Fennecs. They bounce back, more world weary than before, but all the more prepared for the worst that the universe has the strength to hurl :D


Thank you very much for your concern though *hugs* helped to have some advice and comforting. I really do appreciate it.

Thank you.

Not that I'm an expert in the slightest in psychological matters so apologies for possible bullshit, but I reckon it's simply to do with the fact that you just had your first panic attack. Your happy place has previously worked because you've used it to escape matters of less intense mental stress. Panic attack is, well, an attack and really screws with your head: thus, when you got struck with the panic attack, the anxiety messed with your head and thoughts in general and effectively screwed with your mental happy place as a result.

I don't think you're having a breakdown. It normally takes a great deal of effort to learn how to battle panic attacks, often through specific sets of exercises (mental, breathing techniques, etc) you've had to prepare for beforehand; it's not the sort of thing you're used to escape from into your happy place.

You're most likely right *hugs* never had a panic attack before. Was an experience I don't really want to repeat.
Was just one piece of stress too many for me to cope with. I spend too much time bottling everything up. I used to be good at having little sessions of release by going somewhere remote and having a good old scream, but haven't had a chance to do that for a long time.

Think I should schedule a day away in the wild where I can vent.

*huggles* thank you for your concern. Appreciate it.

I'm... semi-experienced with this, in that i've had happy places I've had to move when shit happened. Extremely turbulent changes can wreck a happy place, either bad ones OR good ones, and you need to spend a day working with it, but most of mine I actually found to have been damaged by an outside-inside source. I don't know if that makes sense, let me explain.

Okay, to forenote this, I am an atypical person, I got diagnosed with Aspergers three times (though I don't know when the hell the second one happened, I have a general timeframe but I wasn't actually told 'yeah, you still have it), since I was eight to... about four months ago, so I don't know how much this might apply.

I've spend a lot of my free time (of which I have terribly vast quantities) watching people, and as I do, I devise new masks in an attempt to deal with them. My first happy place (also my weakest, but then I was like, nine) was actually a giant wall filled with blank wooden dolls I could carve faces into, and they were the people I talked to, the people I was close to, my not-book friends. Until I say down one day, because I was really upset and needed some time to myself to facilitate a HUGE amount of anger and rage (I think one of my mom's books got taken, it was after I'd been suspended for a week for... I'm on a tangent, carrying on, but I"m not sure if that was it or not) and the next time I was there all my dolls were broken and there was a note carved into the (wooden) wall. Something generally menacing, though it probably wouldn't be if it happened now. I hid in a book, and my next one was a proper library, with all the books I read (and it was growing quite vast faster than you'd expect). Then about two months later I moved and everything was out of order.

But uh. I think the former case fits better here, because it's a case of vandalism. My case, my anger and hatred I had to bury created a character, a doll, a mask that WAS that anger and hatred and wanted to be expressed, so it did so in a way it felt would let it out best - by shattering the one thing that kept me saneish. I killed it with ice. Maybe what it is is that you've created an alternate persona who likes seeing you in torment. I could be entirely off base though - like I said, I'm kind of horrendously broken in so so many ways, so my masks became a type of minor DID. they were me, but they weren't ME, and one of them REALLY didn't like ME.

Good luck getting use out of this.

Thanks. I wouldn't put it past my subconscious to actively sabotage my happy place. Just never expected it. Maybe that's why it shocked me so much.

I'm not exactly typical myself in that I am and always will be quite possibly the most pessimistic person you will ever encounter. I'm motivated, selfless, humble, friendly and I love to laugh, but at the same time, I continuously expect to be disappointed. I expect things to go badly so that way, it's not so much an issue when they don't cause I expected it. Also, if it goes well, I get to be pleasantly surprised where many people would take it for granted.
The Universe seems to be at constant odds with me. Even without trying to sound paranoid, I feel like I can't have nice things.
I could list a tirade of examples of how life seems dead set to make me miserable, but we'd be here a while and you probably won't believe me ^^

I guess in that respect, I should have seen this coming. I'd just never considered it. My mistake.

I'll rebuild my happy place. I like the view and it took me forever to get planning permission ^^


Thank you for your concern though :D I really do appreciate that you took the time to write so much and share your experiences with me. I do like to listen too :3

I hope you're feeling better and that your new happy place lasts. Just try not to live there. It makes reality so much more disappointing when you come back *hugs*

Oh please. That was my second happy-place - it gets a LOT easier the more you have to rebuild it. My current one is a little glade far far away, with a giant bolder sitting next to a babbling brook where the light level is always juuuust right for a nice relaxing read. Or a spar with one of my ink-friends. Like I said, significant changes make problems, and I'm gonna need a new one since I'll be heading to college soon, but I'll have it set up again within a few hours, tops. Air force brat and all, looooots of moving.

Who did you ask permission for planning it? I just... Find places, and it's never the same kind of place twice, because each place is for a different solution. If that makes sense.

and try me, I'll probably have less problems doubting you than you'd think. Hit me up on one of my IMs sometime, or just toss me a note when you get the chance.

^^ I was kidding about the planning permission.

And it should be fine going forward. It all seems back to the way it was now. Dunno what went wrong.

Oh, and just for an example: I'm a furry who's allergic to fur :S

Okay. so? Perhaps you're a hypoallergenic fennic. It even rhymes, which is kinda odd.

Not that being allergic to fur will be anything you have to get over in Ambush's care. :P

Perhaps try fixing it in your mind. Like, imagine yourself building it back up again. It is a mental construct, after all, and completely under your control. Perhaps remembering that it's part of you will help. Perhaps it's a symbolic expression of something within yourself you are struggling with.

Whatever it is, I hope you feel better soon.

I already feel better today. Got a hammer, nails, new IKEA furniture stores, a smoke machine and a snow blower. I'll have this place back to normal in no time ... I don't remember this post box being here before though ... O.o

Hahaha. Good. Glad to hear it, buddy.

When I need to escape I put myself into a movie I watched and I change the movie to my desires.

Such as the series ST:Voyager would have been cooler is the met up with a separate sect of the Borg that acted differently.
I then go through the different ways each character would have reacted.

And each time I need to go there I pick it up and continue the story.

I don't have the mental discipline or the patience for that ^^ but I'll give it a go.

I've been trying to choreography the novel I'm writing into a Tv show. I'll keep on with that exercise :3

*hugs* thanks for taking the time to comment though. I really do appreciate the concern and the helpful advice :D

lol you'll relies how easy it is.
just start by thinking of how you would have wanted something to end and go from there. ;)