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Annoyed, angry and kinda depressed
13 years ago
Today has been kinda a rough day. Started out good, woke up in a happy mood, got to see my sister and niece, and now I'm depressed, angry and have a horrible feeling in my stomach that kinda makes me feel like just curling up.
Some family stuff happened then, I'm not going into detail much about any of it, but basically my mother has shown her true feelings again about myself being gay. She said pretty angrily that I apparently don't know if I'm gay or not.
That, along with everything else that has happened, pretty much has me feeling like crap.
When I told her I was gay three years ago, she lost control and wouldn't even look at me. Later though we talked a little and things seemed alright, though I know how she feels about it because her first reaction said it all. Every now and then she keeps asking me stuff like how do I know I'm gay and such. Well seeing as I'm only attracted to men sexually, I think that says it all.
Telling my family I'm gay was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I was shaking so bad each time, and almost kept having panic attacks about it. So to keep hearing things from my mother hurts pretty bad. It took me years to realise I was gay, I didn't just wake up one day and thought I like men.
I guess I'm just in a bad place right now, I just wanted to write this to sort of get my thoughts out, a small vent. I try my best to be strong, I have to be a lot for those around me, but even I can't always be like that.
Today just pretty much sucks.
Some family stuff happened then, I'm not going into detail much about any of it, but basically my mother has shown her true feelings again about myself being gay. She said pretty angrily that I apparently don't know if I'm gay or not.
That, along with everything else that has happened, pretty much has me feeling like crap.
When I told her I was gay three years ago, she lost control and wouldn't even look at me. Later though we talked a little and things seemed alright, though I know how she feels about it because her first reaction said it all. Every now and then she keeps asking me stuff like how do I know I'm gay and such. Well seeing as I'm only attracted to men sexually, I think that says it all.
Telling my family I'm gay was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I was shaking so bad each time, and almost kept having panic attacks about it. So to keep hearing things from my mother hurts pretty bad. It took me years to realise I was gay, I didn't just wake up one day and thought I like men.
I guess I'm just in a bad place right now, I just wanted to write this to sort of get my thoughts out, a small vent. I try my best to be strong, I have to be a lot for those around me, but even I can't always be like that.
Today just pretty much sucks.
All I can offer is my full support to you dude if you ever need to vent or just get anything of your chest just hit me up on FB or anything. although I've never personally met you I consider you a very dear friend to me so im here if you need to chat to anyone I cant stand seeing people close to me feeling this way.
I suppose the only person who knows who you really are is you, and you should be accepted for who you are, it must be hard for parents to accept things, I mean I haven't told my parent's everything about me (Including that I'm a Fur and they only recently discovered about my UE) As im not sure how they would respond to it. maybe that's cowardly on my part but that's just how I am, so it was a very brave thing to admit your homosexuality to them which I really do admire you for
Many peoples parents remember are from a different time my folks were both born in the Fifties so they sometimes struggle to understand the 'Modern World' now. Your mother will just have to accept your Homosexuality the only person who knows for definite everything about you is yourself. Im sure given the time your Mother will accept it after all you are her Son but until then i suppose you just have to ignore an indiscretions she may make. Your sexuality makes you you.
Anyway I digress i hope thing will work out soon and am really sorry if I made any Social Faux-pars in what i've said above if so I apologise. Anyway you know im just a message away if you need to vent or rant of get anything off your chest, i may not be any good at offering advice but i will always listen and try to help out as best i can
*Hugs*