Guys, I think I've reached a sort of turning point in my life. Recently, I've been thinking a LOT; it's mostly been about myself. I think I'm really starting to realize who I am as a person, and all kinds of things. I'm a lot different than the 13 year old who jumped into the furry fandom... My God, it's been about five years now. I've changed so much over the course of these years. I just want to let you guys know some things about me, and why you don't see me very often, and why you probably WON'T see me very often.

First off... I'm still a furry... I think. I remember when I first got into the fandom through Pokemon, I was so excited to meet people who shared an interest in all the weird stuff I liked. It was really refreshing, and those early days were truly great. The porn was just mind boggling, and all the stories and everything. But in recent years, I've just not been so excited about that anymore. I still check FA and Wildcritters daily for new stuff, and even still save stuff. I still fap quite often, but I've noticed myself skipping some nights on occasion, just because I don't feel the need. I don't know if I've bled myself dry of real sexual wanting, or if it's just I'm finally outgrowing the surge of hormones that comes with being a teenager, I don't know.

But while Pokemon and furry things are becoming less interesting to me, for some reason, I've gained an absolute OBSESSION with ponies. I can't tell you why. I remember, back in '10 and '11, when pony porn started to show up. I didn't think anything about it, and just thought, "Oh, cool, some sexy horse porn," saved it, and went along. It wasn't until the summer of last year, 2012, that I actually got into the fandom. It wasn't a long, painful process like it is for many. I had already been a furry for 4 years, what was this to that? And that allowed me to sail pretty easily into being a brony.

I just don't know what it is, but I can't seem to get my mind of ponies. I'm not sure that I'm quite as obsessed as what I was when I first became a Pokephile, but everynight is spent with me almost exclusively doing pony things: reading fics, looking at art, watching videos, listening to music, etc. Maybe it's the fact that the fandom is quite a bit more open that allows me to fit in with it so well, I don't know. It's not that I'm a really open person to a lot of people, it's just that with the music and videos on Youtube that furries don't quite have, it's allowed me to really get into the fandom so much more.

Also, the show. I, like many other people, don't know what it is about these colorful ponies, but I just can't help but love the show. I love the characters. I even love the ones I don't love. The show has allowed the personalities of the faces obviously shine through, and implant themselves in my head. When all this first started for me, I liked Rarity. She was sexy and had a sexy accent and was classy. I still love her for that. Then, after hearing a song and reading some stuff, I really fell for Princess Luna. And now, most recently, it's Twilight Sparkle. There's just something about her personality that just lures me in. With Rarity and Luna, it was more the looks and the backstory in that order that made me like them. Not that Luna isn't great; she's still the prettiest to me. But with Twilight, I've just become quite obsessed with her, and the way she thinks, acts, talks, etc.

I've REALLY been feeling the past few months that I'm not a fully sane person. That may seem like an obvious thing, considering I'm a furry, but it goes beyond that. My mind just doesn't work the way that everyone else's seems to. I actually think it may be a mild form of autism or something, but I don't really know. I mean, I know I can think and reason logically, but my mind just functions so abnormally, that I don't even know what to think about myself, other than I'm pretty much a freak. I'm really having a difficult time explaining to you guys what I mean, because I don't really know what I mean, to be honest. At first glance in real life, I seem like just a simple nerd. I can fit in with "normal" people just fine, talk about sports, talk about women, music, video games, etc. But then again, I can also just as easily go up to a furry and tell them why I find tigers to be sexy as fuck. I'm into almost every single fetish under the sun, but I don't divulge in them very often. My mind is so scattered and random, it's hard to keep track of.

But, I think I can honestly say that I really don't care. I've learned to deal with people thinking I'm weird over the years, and learned to not give them half a fuck, so I really don't feel bad about being so different and strange... I actually quite like being able to stand out from everyone else. I guess you could say I'm a hipster to the extreme, and to many parties. I'm a hipster to the furries, because I can just as easily fit in with the normal crowed, and I'm a hipster to the normal crowed because I can just as easily fit in with furries. The only real big group I can't say I fit into is jocks and people of the physical type. While not being like, morbidly obese, I'm not a twig either. I'm extremely out of shape, but oh well. But being so different from everyone, and yet being able to also relate with them, sort of leaves me feeling exiled from everyone else. Again, I don't feel sad about this or anything, and again, it's refreshing to be able to distance myself from other people. But, then again, I do sort of wish I could fit in with more people more often. I'm such an introverted person most of the time, and hate spending more than a night with any of my friends typically before I'm ready for them to go home and leave me to myself.

But anyways, I don't want to spend this entire journal bitching about being different. What I really wanted to let you guys know, is while I will still probably write on occasion, I think I've sort of stepped outside the Pokemon circle. As in, don't expect to see anything Cafe Plaisir related. I may get an idea and write it again some day, who knows, but I think I've just exhausted the Cafe, and really all of Pokemon. It really pains me to say I've changed so much. I still love them and everything, and hell, I'll still proabbly buy Pokemon Y, but I just can't see myself being as emotionally invested in it as I used to be. I guess what I'm saying, is I've become a lot more of a brony than a furry. I don't really know what else to say.

I'll still be around. Don't think I'm leaving FA, because I'm not. I just... won't be as active with the community any more. Also, after this May, I'll officially be a college student. If there's one thing I've learned from high school, it's that I am not the most responsible person in the world. If I don't focus in college, I'm worried at what the outcome may be. So college is going to be a very big obstacle for me to overcome, and I have trouble focusing when I have friends to talk to. Those of you who have me added on Skype and never see me, it's not that I hate you guys, I really don't. It's just that... If I'm not busy, I really just don't feel like talking to anyone, except to a couple real life friends. I hate to say I'm picking favorites, but I just don't really know.

So, as I said, I'm not leaving FA... but I think now is as good a time as any to just let you guys know... It's been a great 5 years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything else. A lot of my best and worst memories lay buried within the depths of the furry/Pokemon fandom, and I love you guys for giving me some great times. So, good ride guys. I WILL see you around.

...abrupt ending, whatever.