Ok, so this is going to be one of those brain dumps where I hopefully wash 20+ years of issues out of the wetware. First out is trust; I have a difficult time fully trusting anyone I meet. This goes way back to when I was in the army and learned the hard way that not everyone could be trusted. It seemed like whenever I would loan out my stuff that I rarely if ever get anything back. As for how I was treated, for the most part with indifference. At worst with hatred. This actually goes back to highschool where the only time anyone wanted to have anything to do with me is if they needed something from me. Well, after I left the military, I found the civillian world to be not much better but at least there aren't any duchebags abusing the privileges of having rank. Well after having my trust used so many times, I just decided to quit having anything to do with having "friends".
Well, it has been a long time since I have had more than one or two friends I can actually trust and now I have found a group of people, furries, that are really nice to me and treat me with respect! My problem is I have 20 years of mistrust causing me anxiety and making it difficult for me to trust those whom I know in my heart are trustworthy. I even had difficulty letting someone I like snuggle with my favorite plushie over the fear of not getting it back. Kind of silly huh?