You know, the Ghost people know didn't always exist. Not a single person you know knew me before "Ghost". The year I went to Youmacon as ghost, was supposed to be my last big bang before I left everyone here. About 8 months prior to Youma 2010 I had fallen out of my long relationship with a girl. The break up was horrible, I had found out, she used me, there were others while we went out, she never loved me at all and was faking everything about our relationship. For 2 years I lived a lie and it consumed me...When we finally broke up, I slowly fell into a depression. I began cutting myself constantly. I still have scars here and there. It's a miracle I have few because they were over 70% of my body. I did that for months...I didn't sleep for 5 weeks with exceptions of passing out after a few days and by then I was hallucinating perfusly. I lost contact slowly with all the people I knew growing up. After 5 months of a depression so deep it would've already killed most; I began to make my amends. I saw nothing in this world after I lost the only thing I cared for was left, my dog Skype. I decided I was going to go somewhere and live how I've been basically training to my whole life up to that point. I did months of planning, I met someone who wanted to do the same. By September, I was already to go and I was bound to go on a bus to a town called Mira, CA. We were going to meet there on September 27th, 2010...The bus was cancelled, not enough people. we bought another ticket for me to leave to Miro now on November 5th. This made me realize, I could go and enjoy the one place that made me be myself. I had gone to Youmacon 2009, I loved it. I decided I would go to it one last time as something fantastic just weeks before. So Ghost was born...On Thursday night, i was about to leave, but the garage at our new house broke. It took us an hour to fix it, then we left for the ren cen. As soon as I walk in I met another kid who loved my ghost rig. We ended up getting some pictures and walking around for a few minutes until I met the head of security at the time. We became great friends and I helped him and his crew a ton...That is where I met brad and bash. Comes Saturday morning, They had a vote to see if they wanted me to officially be on Youmacon staff. Without a word they all raised hands and so it was...Saturday night rolls around; after the rave started it was 3:15AM when I was doing my rounds on that floor. Then I saw a tall blonde haired blue eyed guy, slender, about my age wearing fox stuff. he reminded me of a picture I drew just days before. We talked, traded numbers, and I said I'd love to show him the picture of a "kitfox" I drew. After no days of sleep from Wednesday to then on Saturday at 3:30 am. I went up to my room and stripped down to lay down on the bed in my room I had to myself. When I laid there, I thought, "He's the one..." then my mind raced..."What if he doesn't have a room like so many out there and ends up sleeping in a stairwell???" So I shot up, still no sleep, and got back in gear. I couldn't just text him, my phone was fried from all the sweat...I looked from then to 11:30AM when I couldn't literally take another step. I looked absolutely everywhere. If you know luna, she'll tell you. It's how we met. It turns out he did have a room and he went to bed shortly after we met. I met every member of youma staff and most people at the con looking for him. Anyone who remembers would tell you that. I finally retired in my room. I woke up at 1 and got my things and scampered out of the room in gear. My room was up for the weekend...I went down to con ops, where you were watching over last youma, and I just sat there. For a whole hour I just sat there, for unknown reason to me, Balling my eyes out. Lee came in and asked what was wrong. I just shook and hung my head. I was crying, because all this, all these people, all this joy..and him, I was about to leave in just a few days. I sobbed uncontrollably...After an hour I had put myself together and found the strength to get up and do what I did around the con. Just as I walked out of the con lounge room, I found him. Right there, standing with his friend. I was so relieved, after all that searching, here he was, basically waiting for me outside that door. I showed him that drawing and we talked. Relieved, I said by and then he and his friend had left the convention that Sunday evening. I ended up staying with Lee's security group for another 2 days before I went back home. On that last night, I sat there, Looking at the tickets, spending my entire night quietly sobbing again. I was to leave all this tomorrow...It was at that moment I Shredded the tickets. These people, this place gave me hope in the world. It was my light in the after crawling and falling through so much darkness...Sid was his name, the person I was going to leave with, Sid Anderson was what he went by, you can find him here On Facebook. I never heard from him again, I don't know where he went or If he did go to that place 30 Miles east of that small town called Miro. But one day, I want to go there and lay flowers. As a thank you for the long road I walked to find the light I did.

My entire life changed after that and that story still continues today and I have so many to Thank for it... From Furry connection north 2011 where I met  keeatah ,  MorinW ,  drakonicknight , :icon lisky: ,  vent_fox after commissioning the talented keeatah...  Evauk Has played a large role in the hyena hybrid you know and love. I met so many there and have become so close with many of you...

At Anthrocon that year, I met so many more people who have played major roles in who you know today... Bazeel , wolftweak , I couldn't have been more happy to meet you guys and hang and talk how we did.  Shadee ,  onai ,  keeatah ,  MorinW ,  drakonicknight ,  lisky ,  vent_fox Again I have to thank for how you all looked over me at AC that year, And no matter what has happened, I wish I could've done more to return the favor. I'm sorry for all negitive that has happened aswell and very sorry to  hoofer who saw me break down...That, now looking back on it hoofer, was awesome. That bmw arse deserved it. Good luck out there over seas man, get back safe...Then there is the humblest, most kind people I have seen who gave me much hope;  sannightfire and  Shoop let me not only stay in there home during AC and made it possible but fed me food and we hung out, as if we had known eachother our whole lives. San painted my nails btw for all those who noticed at AC2011...I met so many good friends I could never forget today at AC most of whom are like brother and sisters to me now;  Partywolf09 ,  halo_rising ,  nexus_folf ,  blindcoyote ,  Venku ,  vervain , :Zantor64: ,  TsumeZyzco ,  Tenki-101 ,  krelt ,  Luckychance02 ,  Kavi_Chayumar ,  Isaactheotter ,  havoc214 ,  Hoofer ,  flowkitty , feuerfuchska8 , DJravi , Darkdragon23 , Dariouskoopa , Cyrsynik , Camo_Husky, Panzier , bradley8787 , Bane2253 , Aurum_Aethera , And lastly noted here but not yet by far the least or last of the list 50L1d...But a very special thank you too, bane2253 , Shadee , Onai , Keeatah , lisky , Hoofer , Luckychance02 Whom without you all being there for me in my times of need I wouldn't be the person you see now. Your acts of kindness got me through a lot of hard times on the trip home, and you know who you are, you didn't have to get me food, a massage, a drink, but you did out of the pure kindness from your hearts. You didn't have to do what you did to help me when I needed it but you did and to you Shadee especially I am in your debt. It was just a energy drink or few maybe, but it kept me awake and alive long enough to drive home without crashing. To all of you, I'm forever in your debt.

To all of you and the many of you I haven't listed I forever owe you a debt, I could never repay in one lifetime.

There are many events after that, and many who have influenced me since. Many of you have become like family to me...The moral of this story is, to never give up like I almost did. For if I had given up then, If I hadn't by chance stayed for youmacon 2010 The Ghost you know and have met would be very died, most likely alone, In that place...30 miles east of a small town called Miro. To all those who have made all my joy possible, to all those who were there for me, to all my friends you know I'd give my life for you and I'd only regret I hadn't another to give because it wouldn't be enough.

Those who knew me before I was Ghost, I was Breda, I was rambo, ninja, lost, alone, always angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, in a shell...A Ghost. Because of everyone of you and what I had gone through before I was who I am now, I am a stronger person. I am no longer that husk of a person, that person died long ago on October 28th, 2010, Thus, Thee Ghost was born and shaped by all of you.

So I leave you with this...

Never give up, Never surrender, You are who you make yourself to be. I have made myself a better person and because of that, I try and be there for everyone of you. I hope not one of you have to go through what I did, I nearly died more than once...I am just a Ghost of my former self absolved of my darker side.
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As a reminder to all those who were there for me...You'll hear me say.

"Pray you never need me but rest assured I won't let you down...Right here underneath my wings, you can rest your head."

Yours Dearly,
Ghost~

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