Thinking back on the past few years....after losing the ability to be with  Mudpaws .... i did not think id ever be happy again.
Seriously....i was in the darkest most loneliest place imaginable...every day was a test of how much pain i could endure and still retain the will to live.

There were times i sat on the toilet with a bottle of pills in my hand,tears streaming down my face and going over(in my mind) the reasons why i shouldn't just chug the bottle of pills and end that horrible misery i called a life.
Im very glad that i did not go thru with it...i would have died alone having never experienced the level of joy i find myself experiencing this Valentines day.

Not only will i be spending it with someone who loves me...someone i am living with and wants to live the rest of his life with me(and this time...gasp...actually means it)...but i also am now more alive than i have ever truly been in my life...every day i wake up next to  yaegashi is another day of experiencing the joys of all the little things he does that make me feel wanted,loved and happy.
The "Impossible Dream" has become reality....i am Loved.

I am very grateful to all my friends who provided me with emotional support during my darkest hours(  Cindercheth and  dotter most of all....seriously...you 2 REALLY helped me more than you could ever possibly fathom)...really i am...even if it seems like im avoiding everyone since i moved here to Nevada...to be honest....i just dont have a reason to be online 24/7 anymore...before i would talk to friends online to keep myself sane(if you can call the miserable wretch that i was,sane) but now....now all i have to do is snuggle with the kitty and im happy...i am hardly online anymore.

So...to anyone reading this and is spending this holiday alone....dont despair...if someone like me can find love then there is hope for ANYONE.