First off... thanks to all that provided feedback on my last Journal. It really helped me see both sides of the argument for a name change. After a lot of deliberation I've decided to stick with Yarrick for now. I couldn't think of a nickname that I liked better; or find one that was as unique or rolled off the tounge easily that wasn't taken.

I've had the name for some time and after doing enough research to find out it is an actual Russian last name. So if people ask where the name came from I can point at that rather then referencing a company with the EA code of Ethics.

I may examine it again in the future... but until a name jumps out at me that I feel a connection to; changing it for the sake of changing it doesn't seem like a wise move *shrug* So for now a. tleast... yeah you still call me Yarrick.

The second part of this post is the significance of the day. Valentines day. It's never been anything other then just another day; and that hasn't changed. The last two years I've been putting forth effort into trying to fix that . I havent had much luck. A few dates; nothing that got me into a real relationship. Nothing that has panned out. Two of them wanted way more a lot quicker then I felt comfortable giving. One was... complicated at best so it ended the best way it could. And the most recent; I got the hint that she doesn't want it to continue because all I get is excuses and re-schedules from her, and she never contacts me on her own *sigh*

The two that made me uncomfortable did teach me that I may not be ready for a relationship right now anyways. I'm not very 'experienced' per say and I guess my mindset is just too old fashioned *shrug* I'm a private individual and unlike 99% of modern society not sex driven. I would have made a fine gentleman in say 1955. But it is not 1955. What most gals want I don't have to give so that is that.

But looking back, I'm feeling ok with this. I can say atleast I tried. I have a lot of other things on my plate right now and enough friends and social clubs I belong to that I have outlets. Would it be nice to have a comapnion that shares my interests and wants the same out of a relationship as me? Of course it would.

Do I "Need" to have a relationship to be happy? The answer I've found out is No. I'd much rather be single and have the freedom that comes with it then feel I am forced into something I am uncomfortable with or just dont feel a bond.

If the stars align and I find my "soulmate" by cosmic chance I am ready to accept it. But at this point I'm done with trying to actively stretch myself because society tells me I'm 31 and never had a relationship so that means there is something WRONG with me. The same society that tells me there is something wrong with me for living at home with my parents, and I've allready covered that one.

So F* society. On BOTH accounts. After my credit cards are paid off I am going to open up a photography studio. Then I can laugh my face off at society. When asked "what have you done with your life?" and I can point to something truely unique. Sure; the american "standard" is to move out, get your own place, get married and have a family with 1.5 kids, two minivans and a dog named Ralph. Why do I need to live a "standard" life? That just sounds so... boring...

So yeah. Valentines day is just another day. And I'm fine with that.