So wow what a rough day today, I just need to put it on paper right now, feel free to read if you want to...On tuesday we heard that my granny had fallen and broke her hip. She wasn't in the best shape of her life, demented and her body giving up on her some years ago when she fell down some stairs during a vacation. She was supposed to get surgery but there were too many complications for her to carry on with that. So I got a call from my mother, crying, saying that granny isn't okay and if I could come over to the hospital, because they were going to let her go. So I waited for my brother to come home and we drove to the hospital. When we arrived, my mom and my uncles told me to go in the room where she was and say my last goodbye to her. I was doing ok so far, being strong, but once I stepped in that room, seeing that poor old woman, not moving, with a breath mask on, I just collapsed and couldn't stop crying. It was so hard to look at....Everytime I think back to that moment I can't help but shedding a tear, today felt so surreal, like it didn't happen...

So everyone was there, her sons and daughters and grandchildren, we all took our turns saying our last goodbyes to the woman who stands at the foundation of this great loving family. Without her, I wouldn't be here. She had a rough life coming from Indonesia with 4 of her children, living in poverty for most of her life. And yet, she made it work, she made my mother, uncles and aunts into strong wealthy people, we owe it all to her. Everyone gathered as the doctor removed her from the breathing device and we all hugged and held each other when she took her last breath in life. It was all unreal and emotional to see it, seeing someone pass away really does something with you. Seeing your strong uncles, who you've never seen weak, collapse and cry as their mother left this earth. So she moved on to a better place, not in pain anymore, free from the bounds of that old human body. Surrounded by people who love her, we got to say one last goodbye to her with dignity.

I always found it really rough to visit her, she didn't recognize anyone anymore, not even her own children. That's why I didn't visit her often. Actually I recently told my mom that I wanted to visit her again, because it has been a while, now I didn't get that chance. I kind of feel guilty about that now...But it's ok now, I gave it a place in my heart and I think it was even for the better. She's free now, free from pain and I hope she can look down from heaven with a smile and look at our strong family with a sense of pride. She will be buried next to my grandfather, who I've never known. I promise to visit her grave and think about her, and when I forget how important she was in my life, I hope to read back on this journal.

A big thank you to my boyfriend, who was by my side all day today. We managed to salvage our Valentinesday, and got my mind off of this. I love you soooooo much and I'm so glad I can call you mine! Sorry it wasn't the Valentinesday we had planned, things went a little differently. But thanks to you, I could still enjoy the day.
Also thank you to all the reactions I got on twitter! Thanks for your support, it means a lot to me!

Rest in peace Grandmama! You're in a better place now! I love you!

Oh, and, 2013 sucks so far!