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A brief history of FA Science
17 years ago
General
January 1, 2005: FA Science begins operations as a foundation for producing art of a unique and inspiring quality. Early experiments focus on the enjoyment brought on by ink blobs and stick figures with breasts.
January 2-25, 2005: Excessive periods of facility downtime due to budget cuts on server RAM. Experiments interrupted halfway result in dozens of test subjects killed.
March 15, 2005: FA Science receives a willing test subject applicant, setting a record by being its first.
April – June 2005: Mostly random server downtime. Employees angered after being prescribed a new drug known as ‘Real Life.’
July 6, 2005: Founder and CEO Floyd Alden Slick suffers severe head trauma due to a careless chamber pot. Administered to the Enrichment Centers medical wing where he is pronounced comatose.
July 30, 2005: Floyd Alden Slick awakens from his coma with notable brain damage, but surprising increase in artistic quality. In a meeting held directly above the enrichment centers furnace, he addressed all employees with a plane of action to:
“Rework our purpose to *momentary seizure * better serve our furry friends. We must broaden our horizons. *five minutes of singing ‘Time of My Life’* No theme shall be left unchallenged. No dead horse left unbeaten. No orifice left unviolated...*incoherent mumbling*...Gentlemen, we will dare to be bold and original by doing exactly what everyone else is doing. Only we will do it FASTER, HARDER...possibly with PEANUT BUTTER. Now someone get me a cheese sandwich!”
At which point he curled up into a fetal position and softly giggled to himself for several hours.
August 1 – December 10, 2005: Unexpected facility downtime. Escape from Enrichment Center rendered impossible due to limburger cheese sandwich left on the hard drives of the life support systems.
December 15, 2005: Floyd Alden Slick called before council of FA Administrator’s for effectively turning his entire staff to chocolate and eating them during mandatory lockdown. Council disbands unexpectedly hours later, granting FA Science complete immunity to future actions.
December 16, 2005: Pictures of Floyd Alden Slick wearing a loincloth of candy wrappers and covered in chocolate circulate the internet. Many seem doubtful on the chocolate part.
December 25, 2005: Newly hired employees celebrate FA Sciences official “Screw the yules, we have money” day.
January 1, 2006: Remodeling plan to expand FA Science’s Enrichment Center set to include over fifty test chambers of various themes. Meanwhile paparazzi spot several FA Administrators appearing in public with hermaphrodite concubines. Accusations of FA lurkers and inactive users kidnapped for test subjects go unfounded and dismissed as hearsay.
January 7, 2006: Launch of Cait Sith genetically engineered employee series given green light. Project purposed to create a competent facility manager that ‘I can legally discipline for looking at me funny.’
January 24, 2006: Cait Sith model #1 successfully animated, only to promptly die in newly completed Vore Test Chamber #3. DNA of kidnapped test subjects extracted for genetic cloning.
February 8, 2006: In an effort to improve moral, Floyd Alden Slick hacks all radio frequency’s to continuously play Disney theme songs. Cait Sith #3 is thrown into Inflation Test Chamber #8 for ‘looking at him funny.’
February 9, 2006: Increase in strife as employees and test subjects bang heads against blunt objects in an effort to forget catchy theme songs.
February 12, 2006: Ducktales! Woo-hoo!
February 14, 2006: Cait Sith #6 leads employees in first annual cult suicide by big barrel of Kool-Aid. Most notable is the group’s inability to sing ‘Tale Spin’ in harmony as they die.
March – August: Continued work on test chambers. Cait Sith #9 incinerated for destroying Floyd Alden Slick’s personal music collection and files.
September 1, 2006: Newly constructed FA Science Enrichment center unveiled in televised broadcast. Media and civilian groups invited inside for personal tours and demonstrations of test chambers.
September 2, 2006: Unexpected Facility downtime. Thousands killed. Survivors given complimentary test application approval and escorted to reconditioning.
November 4, 2006: I could really use a cheese sandwich right now.
December 9, 2006: Cub porn declared legal by FA Administrators. Cait Sith #12 comments publicly the arguments are ‘more retarded than the Iraq War and Abortion combined. At least those things are real.” His head is later spotted on a protestor’s pike.
2007: Mostly testing and kidnapping with lots of downtime.
January 2008: Floyd Alden Slick suffers increasing bouts of paranoia. Many employees are given unscheduled testing appointments and reconditioning. Suppository orders are trippled.
February 2008: Cait Sith #29 is produced after proving Intelligent Design wrong twenty-eight times. Implementing dominant genes from past models proves great metabolism and healing, as well as an exponential threshold for pain. Model #29 is promoted to Testing Director after surviving systematic trips to Herm Test Chamber #34 ‘for giving funny looks.’
March 2008: Paranoia increases among surviving senior staff, although Cait’s therapy shows remarkable progress. Testing reports improve from ‘crimes against humanity’ to ‘you can’t tell I’m sadistic.’
April 1, 2008: The enrichment center is flooded with a non-lethal age regressing gas as an April fools joke.
April 2, 2008: The Happy Time No Yiff orphanage is reported for finding an insanely large number of baby furs abandoned on its front lawn. Most were given good homes or to Chinese restaurants.
April 3, 2008: F*%&ing fur pedos.
April 4, 2008: Floyd Alden Slick converts to Buddhism and barricades himself in his office. All future interactions with the outside world done through occasional messages sent via remote terminal. Mostly in the form of posting art and demand for provisions.
April 7, 2008: FA Science becomes one of the world’s largest independent consumers of peanut butter.
April 15, 2008: Green light is given for the development of the Justified Educational Research Computer AI in an effort to balance a sudden drop in overall employee attendance.
May 2008: Ucc nehb udt de fcu0 muboj Jack u ticc re0!
June 20, 20008: FA Science ‘free cookie if you walk through the open blast doors’ day a rousing success. Unwilling test subject applications reach record highs. Cait’s cookie baking skills unanimously declared ‘meh.’
July 1 – August 6, 2008: Unpredicted facility downtime due to some idiot leaving cookie ingredients on the server hardware. Hundreds of test subjects die from suffocation, dehydration, and excessive yiffing.
August 7, 2008: JERC is given its first test activation amidst thunderous applause by fresh clones and test subjects.
Unknown date: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP US!!
January 2-25, 2005: Excessive periods of facility downtime due to budget cuts on server RAM. Experiments interrupted halfway result in dozens of test subjects killed.
March 15, 2005: FA Science receives a willing test subject applicant, setting a record by being its first.
April – June 2005: Mostly random server downtime. Employees angered after being prescribed a new drug known as ‘Real Life.’
July 6, 2005: Founder and CEO Floyd Alden Slick suffers severe head trauma due to a careless chamber pot. Administered to the Enrichment Centers medical wing where he is pronounced comatose.
July 30, 2005: Floyd Alden Slick awakens from his coma with notable brain damage, but surprising increase in artistic quality. In a meeting held directly above the enrichment centers furnace, he addressed all employees with a plane of action to:
“Rework our purpose to *momentary seizure * better serve our furry friends. We must broaden our horizons. *five minutes of singing ‘Time of My Life’* No theme shall be left unchallenged. No dead horse left unbeaten. No orifice left unviolated...*incoherent mumbling*...Gentlemen, we will dare to be bold and original by doing exactly what everyone else is doing. Only we will do it FASTER, HARDER...possibly with PEANUT BUTTER. Now someone get me a cheese sandwich!”
At which point he curled up into a fetal position and softly giggled to himself for several hours.
August 1 – December 10, 2005: Unexpected facility downtime. Escape from Enrichment Center rendered impossible due to limburger cheese sandwich left on the hard drives of the life support systems.
December 15, 2005: Floyd Alden Slick called before council of FA Administrator’s for effectively turning his entire staff to chocolate and eating them during mandatory lockdown. Council disbands unexpectedly hours later, granting FA Science complete immunity to future actions.
December 16, 2005: Pictures of Floyd Alden Slick wearing a loincloth of candy wrappers and covered in chocolate circulate the internet. Many seem doubtful on the chocolate part.
December 25, 2005: Newly hired employees celebrate FA Sciences official “Screw the yules, we have money” day.
January 1, 2006: Remodeling plan to expand FA Science’s Enrichment Center set to include over fifty test chambers of various themes. Meanwhile paparazzi spot several FA Administrators appearing in public with hermaphrodite concubines. Accusations of FA lurkers and inactive users kidnapped for test subjects go unfounded and dismissed as hearsay.
January 7, 2006: Launch of Cait Sith genetically engineered employee series given green light. Project purposed to create a competent facility manager that ‘I can legally discipline for looking at me funny.’
January 24, 2006: Cait Sith model #1 successfully animated, only to promptly die in newly completed Vore Test Chamber #3. DNA of kidnapped test subjects extracted for genetic cloning.
February 8, 2006: In an effort to improve moral, Floyd Alden Slick hacks all radio frequency’s to continuously play Disney theme songs. Cait Sith #3 is thrown into Inflation Test Chamber #8 for ‘looking at him funny.’
February 9, 2006: Increase in strife as employees and test subjects bang heads against blunt objects in an effort to forget catchy theme songs.
February 12, 2006: Ducktales! Woo-hoo!
February 14, 2006: Cait Sith #6 leads employees in first annual cult suicide by big barrel of Kool-Aid. Most notable is the group’s inability to sing ‘Tale Spin’ in harmony as they die.
March – August: Continued work on test chambers. Cait Sith #9 incinerated for destroying Floyd Alden Slick’s personal music collection and files.
September 1, 2006: Newly constructed FA Science Enrichment center unveiled in televised broadcast. Media and civilian groups invited inside for personal tours and demonstrations of test chambers.
September 2, 2006: Unexpected Facility downtime. Thousands killed. Survivors given complimentary test application approval and escorted to reconditioning.
November 4, 2006: I could really use a cheese sandwich right now.
December 9, 2006: Cub porn declared legal by FA Administrators. Cait Sith #12 comments publicly the arguments are ‘more retarded than the Iraq War and Abortion combined. At least those things are real.” His head is later spotted on a protestor’s pike.
2007: Mostly testing and kidnapping with lots of downtime.
January 2008: Floyd Alden Slick suffers increasing bouts of paranoia. Many employees are given unscheduled testing appointments and reconditioning. Suppository orders are trippled.
February 2008: Cait Sith #29 is produced after proving Intelligent Design wrong twenty-eight times. Implementing dominant genes from past models proves great metabolism and healing, as well as an exponential threshold for pain. Model #29 is promoted to Testing Director after surviving systematic trips to Herm Test Chamber #34 ‘for giving funny looks.’
March 2008: Paranoia increases among surviving senior staff, although Cait’s therapy shows remarkable progress. Testing reports improve from ‘crimes against humanity’ to ‘you can’t tell I’m sadistic.’
April 1, 2008: The enrichment center is flooded with a non-lethal age regressing gas as an April fools joke.
April 2, 2008: The Happy Time No Yiff orphanage is reported for finding an insanely large number of baby furs abandoned on its front lawn. Most were given good homes or to Chinese restaurants.
April 3, 2008: F*%&ing fur pedos.
April 4, 2008: Floyd Alden Slick converts to Buddhism and barricades himself in his office. All future interactions with the outside world done through occasional messages sent via remote terminal. Mostly in the form of posting art and demand for provisions.
April 7, 2008: FA Science becomes one of the world’s largest independent consumers of peanut butter.
April 15, 2008: Green light is given for the development of the Justified Educational Research Computer AI in an effort to balance a sudden drop in overall employee attendance.
May 2008: Ucc nehb udt de fcu0 muboj Jack u ticc re0!
June 20, 20008: FA Science ‘free cookie if you walk through the open blast doors’ day a rousing success. Unwilling test subject applications reach record highs. Cait’s cookie baking skills unanimously declared ‘meh.’
July 1 – August 6, 2008: Unpredicted facility downtime due to some idiot leaving cookie ingredients on the server hardware. Hundreds of test subjects die from suffocation, dehydration, and excessive yiffing.
August 7, 2008: JERC is given its first test activation amidst thunderous applause by fresh clones and test subjects.
Unknown date: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP US!!
