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Need to vent. Anyone wanna listen to a stressed out cougar?
13 years ago
General
To summarize, I have panic disorder, and I'm being plagued by a clingy family member. But if you want all the details, keep reading. I told this to a friend recently:
Cousin offers you a tutoring job for $30 a month? Decline. Thanks to this tutoring crap I barely have the time to do what I want anymore.
I am being paid to tutor my brainless, technologically-impaired cousin with her online college classes.
I've never been to college, never had online classes, yet she chooses to come to me rather than a professional because I am A) Cheaper (lol family my ass.) and B) I'm the smartest person in my family other than another cousin of mine. One out of only two in my family to ever legitimately graduate high school.
It's exhausting, to say the least. Especially when the forty-year-old narcissistic woman child doesn't, well, do her damn school work, but rather comes over to force me to play games for her because she's too god damn incompetent to play them herself.
So 6 days of the week, it's 'ALRIGHT JONATHAN I'M HERE, GET MOTIVATED! TELL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS BYE, I'M HERE! COME ON JONATHAN WE GOT TA PLAY R' GAME I AIN'T GOT MUCH TIME WE GOTTA STUDY.' Then I get stuck playing Skyrim, Borderlands, Fallout 3 or whatever game she's immersed herself in for 6-8 friggin' hours, we DON'T study, and then we've got to do all her assignments all at once, last minute. WHEN mind you I have no clue what I'm doing either, because at that point in time I've got to take a crash course in the chapter. For her sake. But I get paid, so yay.
So rather than chatting with friends, playing games like I want to, watching supernatural, RPing, or anything else I want to, I have to humor that parasite all month, each month. The only time I can do anything is at night, but everyone's asleep, so that just leaves me with games or RP, even though most of them are asleep too. And so my sleep schedule is fucked, and then I'm right back at the beginning.
So.... Yeah. My life as it is right now.
The sad thing is... It's just a ploy for money. A 'get rich quick' scheme. She honestly things that with ME as her ace in the hole, she'll ace her schoolwork and get a high paying job and become some sort of money god. OH, AND she tried to sex up one of her teachers. What's even sadder, I think it's working...
Oh, but the gaming thing? That started this very same time last year. Skyrim?
When I first got it, I thought I wouldn't be able to get it, so I told her about it in the hope she'd get it for me as a gift. No surprise, the answer I get is 'I ain't got the money, ask Uncle Walter(my father), see if he'll get it for us!'
Well, one of my friends decides he's not into the game because he's a tasteless COD fanboy, and offers it up for $30. And I'm like 'Well fuck I can do that, I'll take it!'
So I get Skyrim, start playing. Best damn game I've played, right? Well then SHE comes down, and thus makes me sit and play it for her. So... She falls in love with it, and then she's down here EVERY. DAY. from February to May of 2012, making me sit and play Skyrim until looking at the case makes me want to vomit. Ruined, utterly ruined. Hell, gaming in general, which I LIVE FOR? Ruined.
That's how I became a furry. I literally had nothing else to do, and I wanted to meet other gays in a place I'd feel accepted. So... Yeah. The bitch KILLED Skyrim for me. Not just Skyrim, but gaming period. And then I ended up here.
Hold up, before you say it, I know what you're thinking;
'But Jon, if it's bothering you that much, just tell her to fuck off!'
Right? That's what you'd be thinking?
Well, EHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Wrong. Several problems with that:
1. I have a conscience.
2. She's family.
3. She's bi-polar.
4. She has some type of mental disability.
5. Chronic depression? Check.
6. A Temper? Hell hath no fury, eh? The woman beat up her ex boyfriend for asking to see other women.
She's on pills for ALL that stuff. So, you can't tell me that in my situation, you wouldn't be piss-your-pants terrified to even think of telling her off, or feel bad about it.
So honestly? What do I do? I'm at the point of stress where I feel like I could just lash out at something or someone. I just, I dunno if I can deal with it anymore. I'm a tolerent man, but this? *sigh*
Cousin offers you a tutoring job for $30 a month? Decline. Thanks to this tutoring crap I barely have the time to do what I want anymore.
I am being paid to tutor my brainless, technologically-impaired cousin with her online college classes.
I've never been to college, never had online classes, yet she chooses to come to me rather than a professional because I am A) Cheaper (lol family my ass.) and B) I'm the smartest person in my family other than another cousin of mine. One out of only two in my family to ever legitimately graduate high school.
It's exhausting, to say the least. Especially when the forty-year-old narcissistic woman child doesn't, well, do her damn school work, but rather comes over to force me to play games for her because she's too god damn incompetent to play them herself.
So 6 days of the week, it's 'ALRIGHT JONATHAN I'M HERE, GET MOTIVATED! TELL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS BYE, I'M HERE! COME ON JONATHAN WE GOT TA PLAY R' GAME I AIN'T GOT MUCH TIME WE GOTTA STUDY.' Then I get stuck playing Skyrim, Borderlands, Fallout 3 or whatever game she's immersed herself in for 6-8 friggin' hours, we DON'T study, and then we've got to do all her assignments all at once, last minute. WHEN mind you I have no clue what I'm doing either, because at that point in time I've got to take a crash course in the chapter. For her sake. But I get paid, so yay.
So rather than chatting with friends, playing games like I want to, watching supernatural, RPing, or anything else I want to, I have to humor that parasite all month, each month. The only time I can do anything is at night, but everyone's asleep, so that just leaves me with games or RP, even though most of them are asleep too. And so my sleep schedule is fucked, and then I'm right back at the beginning.
So.... Yeah. My life as it is right now.
The sad thing is... It's just a ploy for money. A 'get rich quick' scheme. She honestly things that with ME as her ace in the hole, she'll ace her schoolwork and get a high paying job and become some sort of money god. OH, AND she tried to sex up one of her teachers. What's even sadder, I think it's working...
Oh, but the gaming thing? That started this very same time last year. Skyrim?
When I first got it, I thought I wouldn't be able to get it, so I told her about it in the hope she'd get it for me as a gift. No surprise, the answer I get is 'I ain't got the money, ask Uncle Walter(my father), see if he'll get it for us!'
Well, one of my friends decides he's not into the game because he's a tasteless COD fanboy, and offers it up for $30. And I'm like 'Well fuck I can do that, I'll take it!'
So I get Skyrim, start playing. Best damn game I've played, right? Well then SHE comes down, and thus makes me sit and play it for her. So... She falls in love with it, and then she's down here EVERY. DAY. from February to May of 2012, making me sit and play Skyrim until looking at the case makes me want to vomit. Ruined, utterly ruined. Hell, gaming in general, which I LIVE FOR? Ruined.
That's how I became a furry. I literally had nothing else to do, and I wanted to meet other gays in a place I'd feel accepted. So... Yeah. The bitch KILLED Skyrim for me. Not just Skyrim, but gaming period. And then I ended up here.
Hold up, before you say it, I know what you're thinking;
'But Jon, if it's bothering you that much, just tell her to fuck off!'
Right? That's what you'd be thinking?
Well, EHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Wrong. Several problems with that:
1. I have a conscience.
2. She's family.
3. She's bi-polar.
4. She has some type of mental disability.
5. Chronic depression? Check.
6. A Temper? Hell hath no fury, eh? The woman beat up her ex boyfriend for asking to see other women.
She's on pills for ALL that stuff. So, you can't tell me that in my situation, you wouldn't be piss-your-pants terrified to even think of telling her off, or feel bad about it.
So honestly? What do I do? I'm at the point of stress where I feel like I could just lash out at something or someone. I just, I dunno if I can deal with it anymore. I'm a tolerent man, but this? *sigh*
I'm guessing you wouldn't be telling this if you didn't already try it, but is there any other immediate family members that you've told this to or can assist you in getting her off your back?
Only other consolation I can hopefully give is that if she's been pulling this crap since 2012, hopefully the course she's doing will finish up rather soon, depending on how long it was originally set to take, and she'll move onto her own business again. That or if discussing it in the family isn't helping, bseeking options outside the family, like a counsellor in the local community or something? (Though technically, that's what you're doing here now, I suppose)
Again, sorry if i'm just stating stuff you've already tried heaps of times before, resolving family conflicts isn't exactly a strong point of mine. I tend to be fairly soft as well most of the time, truth be told. Just hope that whatever happens, you get to have a break from it all fairly soon.
You and your father are allowing your cousin to walk over you, and the status probably won't change until people stand up to her.
You have a conscience, and so do I, but the difference is that my conscience ends when the threshold of reasonable ends. You are being used, and you have the right to stand up for yourself. You /should/ stand up for yourself. And even if you feel guilty about it, is that guilty heavier than the hell you're going through?
Re #2: So? Family is a blood relation. It's important, but it's not an excuse for abuse, mental, emotional, or physical.
Re #3: So? She's not incapable of comprehension, and while bi-polar disorder is a real problem, it's not a crux people should be falling on to excuse their behavior.
Re #4: Maybe I can give this one to you. Maybe, but again, by tolerating the problem, what is it doing to you? This doesn't sound like a small problem, but a very big one that is ruining many things for you. You can forgive yourself for being selfish here, and if people fault you for looking out for yourself, they're probably more selfish than you are by far. As in, truly selfish and not doing what you're doing, which is saving your sanity.
Re #5: See above. I'll also remind you that her depression is not your responability.
Re #6: If she lays a hand on you, that's assault. Domestic abuse. Again, there's no excuse for it, and the fact that you're afraid of your cousin speaks volumes. If you must, get a restraining order.
So, yes, I'm saying take up for yourself. I don't think taking a stand to a parasite (that's what she is) is something you can blame yourself for, and really, if anyone does want to fault you for it, fuck them. Yes, sometimes that's not what you want and it hurts too, but trailblazing can be a necessity especially when you're doing it for the right reasons.
I would tell your dad that this has become too big of a problem and that it needs addressed. You are not her slave, and what she's doing is abusing you, and you're legitimately suffering for it. His son is being used, and he's tolerating that, and if he continues to tolerate it, fuck him too.
I know it's hard to adopt that attitude, but it's one that you sometimes have to take up. It's one I hate having to use, but I realize that if I don't, I'm actually worse than I would be if I didn't take up for myself. Family, friends, it doesn't matter. I am not their toy to use.
If you want to talk, I'll be here for you. *hugs*