And finally, the last journal for tonight.

I really miss having an online presence as a furry. I miss having people online to talk to. My social life exploded for the longest time, but nowadays I'm tired of it, I can't stand the RL interactions anymore, I can't stand a lot of the people, the backstabbing, and the general feel of my local community.

For the longest time it was super enriching while I was naive, and I wanted everyone to like me, and wanted to pal around with everyone. Now there is no part of things that isn't just petty somehow. Every experience has been cheapened, so on.

Ever since I stopped playing SecondLife after a couple years on it, and then finally dropped out of Furcadia after 10 years of that, and just stopped interacting online with non locals to the point that I never even log into my messengers anymore, I've of course gradually lost contact with many of the people that I used to consider friends. My follower list here on FA is missing plenty of people that I considered important once upon a time, or even my facebook.

I miss thinking about the fact that I had long distance friends I could visit for a vacation if I chose, and several to choose from at that. I miss thinking about all the people I could meet at a far away convention, or even that someone could see me or my badges and recognize me without ever having met me. Since 2010 I've just dropped out of it all, went from being somewhat known after years of building that up to now being nothing.

It's weird because you'd think that exchanging an online presence for a real life presence would be the goal.

I blame dropping out of the online scene partially to my confidence awhile back to start dating more aggressively, going out socially, and then now having a long term relationship that is basically about 2 years running now, for better or worse. I don't have time to roleplay or talk to people a lot. It definitely couldn't be the same, and I always sucked at small talk anyways. That doesn't mean I don't get sentimental. *sighs*. It's not like even that "online life" was all roses anyways, not even close.

I have a girlfriend, a house of my own, a dog, a car that isn't ancient, I'm going to school full time and getting stellar grades and am on track to a potentially amazing career, one could argue some sort of social life available when I want it.... I should have all the happy feels right? Then why does it suck so much sometimes.

It feels utterly ridiculous to even express nostalgia for online activities too.