Today, I feel like the colour has been drained from my body, and I feel a little tired and empty.
Whether it is just emotional disorientation or emotional exhaustion I don't really know, but it feels horrible.
I had too many cigarettes yesterday... I didn't want to smoke that many. I'm hoping I can cut it back down before it gets any higher, so that I may quit once more.

In all honesty, my head and my heart are singing two different songs, neither are pleasant and sound horrible alone, but together the sound clashes to make a harsh reality of a distorted world.
I feel like I am battling myself, and it's the hardest thing I have had to do... I've never faced anything so strong, so powerful, and so skilled as to knock me off of my own feet and take my breath away other then me, myself... I'm just a shadow of myself, and no match to face my true self, my true spirit. A monochrome me versus a vibrant and shining doppleganger... who is the fake? I really don't even know anymore.

It's just like last year, only this time I am not exploding with rage...
but that doesn't change the circumstance, I have only made things worse for myself. I'm only human, half human atleast for now... Human minded... Half-human minded.

This star has lost its shine, and I don't know when it's going to come back.
Colour will return, and so will light, and so will the shine, I just need to find the strength to beat myself. So until then, bear with me, time is a little slower in my world now without colour.

And so for now, time stands still.