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Babyfur or Furry No More?
13 years ago
General
"Everybody, shake your body, lift your hands, stop frontin', you're just a puppet" -Puppet, Thousand Foot Krutch I really don't know any more guys. The fact that I have to live with this secret is "eating my spirit" in a sense and I cannot take it any longer. My beliefs and values are no longer respected by myself, and I am debating of whether or not to "fall away" from my faith. Personally, I respect the fandom... honestly, I do... but I feel I cannot live with myself anymore and the shame and embarrassment that goes hand-in-hand with it. It was fun for the time being but I cannot keep diapering myself and not start feeling like a complete fool. Whether or not I continue with my art or not, I do not know; everything is in limbo right now. On Wednesday, I called my best friend after posting the following message on Facebook:
"To whoever views this,
Secrets can destroy people, especially if they are kept hidden from your friends and family. Honestly, I have a secret that I really want to bring into the light with my friends but I am just far too ashamed and embarrassed by it. Also, I have no idea how such people would take it: would they laugh or mock me for it? I feel as if I am the only one in this world that struggles with this and is desperate to come clean. All I am trying to say is I have lived with this secret for far too long and if I cannot feel safe with talking to someone about it, I fear I will be consumed back into the secret. Right now, I feel insecure of spilling this secret I have; I just need encouragement and someone to talk to, who would not laugh no matter how stupid it sounds. Just putting this forward: it is pretty ridiculous. And if I find out word is leaked about this, I will literally ignore and avoid you all because word spreads pretty fast. I already had everyone against me once; I do not think I would be able to cope with a second of prolonged depression.
I am willing to reveal this secret but only if I know for a fact that you will not stab a knife in my back and twist it further in, laughing as you spill out my emotions like blood oozing out of a deep wound. To leave on a harsher note, do not dare to play games with me; I am dead serious. If people who I did not tell know of this, it will be like you slaughtering a broken child. If you wish to know, you better be aware of the repercussions that may follow. And trust me, I find out things sooner or later.
Also, I am not mad with anyone; I am just tired of living with this secret.
That is all."
He was understanding after I revealed that it was an addiction that I want to be free of. So he wants to help me get through it. I plan on showing him everything I have involved with it: stories, pictures, art, and whatever else that has been hindering me. I do hope that it is not too late for me to be rescued from my deep pit of despair.
This does not mean that I will ignore all my friends that I have made... I just feel rotten and miserable as a result of this secret. Took 10 fucking years to realize how much it was ruining my life. And now, this addiction is affecting my work, church, home, and personal life. Personally, I am just fucking sick of it all. I want to be free of this addiction. All I know is I don't want to fuck up my life anymore. Dreams, goals, and desires have all been crushed because of too much of a dependence I developed for my family when I should start becoming independent. Whether or not I was doing this for comfort or sexual pleasure... I don't even have a clue. I just want it to end.
So all I know is that... I don't want to live this way anymore. Everything is in limbo. Feel free to comment but don't you DARE try to persuade me to return to 'padding up" because I am just fucking sick of the whole shit that is going down.
"To whoever views this,
Secrets can destroy people, especially if they are kept hidden from your friends and family. Honestly, I have a secret that I really want to bring into the light with my friends but I am just far too ashamed and embarrassed by it. Also, I have no idea how such people would take it: would they laugh or mock me for it? I feel as if I am the only one in this world that struggles with this and is desperate to come clean. All I am trying to say is I have lived with this secret for far too long and if I cannot feel safe with talking to someone about it, I fear I will be consumed back into the secret. Right now, I feel insecure of spilling this secret I have; I just need encouragement and someone to talk to, who would not laugh no matter how stupid it sounds. Just putting this forward: it is pretty ridiculous. And if I find out word is leaked about this, I will literally ignore and avoid you all because word spreads pretty fast. I already had everyone against me once; I do not think I would be able to cope with a second of prolonged depression.
I am willing to reveal this secret but only if I know for a fact that you will not stab a knife in my back and twist it further in, laughing as you spill out my emotions like blood oozing out of a deep wound. To leave on a harsher note, do not dare to play games with me; I am dead serious. If people who I did not tell know of this, it will be like you slaughtering a broken child. If you wish to know, you better be aware of the repercussions that may follow. And trust me, I find out things sooner or later.
Also, I am not mad with anyone; I am just tired of living with this secret.
That is all."
He was understanding after I revealed that it was an addiction that I want to be free of. So he wants to help me get through it. I plan on showing him everything I have involved with it: stories, pictures, art, and whatever else that has been hindering me. I do hope that it is not too late for me to be rescued from my deep pit of despair.
This does not mean that I will ignore all my friends that I have made... I just feel rotten and miserable as a result of this secret. Took 10 fucking years to realize how much it was ruining my life. And now, this addiction is affecting my work, church, home, and personal life. Personally, I am just fucking sick of it all. I want to be free of this addiction. All I know is I don't want to fuck up my life anymore. Dreams, goals, and desires have all been crushed because of too much of a dependence I developed for my family when I should start becoming independent. Whether or not I was doing this for comfort or sexual pleasure... I don't even have a clue. I just want it to end.
So all I know is that... I don't want to live this way anymore. Everything is in limbo. Feel free to comment but don't you DARE try to persuade me to return to 'padding up" because I am just fucking sick of the whole shit that is going down.
Mostly I'm sad that you see it as an addiction and that you want to leave it all behind.
But if you don't feel comfortable anymore I think you need time and space to clear your head.
So please do that and I hope that you can find your way again ... whatever that way might be.
I just hope that I sincerely make the best decision for myself.
If it is doing more harm than good for you though, then by all means stop. Though statistics show that most of us that try to stop end up picking it back up later. For most of us its a comforting thing that helps us cope with stress. If you want, you can just stop for a while and see if you feel better. Then you will know for sure. Also, you don't have to pad up IRL to enjoy being a babyfur. You can still play and RP online with others if you want.
I could've hardly said it better myself, very much describes my thoughts on the matter.
Especially about asking yourself the question: Does people HAVE to know?
I've done that myself.
I'm the same way too, I maybe a child at heart but I don't pad up either.
If you want to talk Im always here for my friends and if you dont you dont have to