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Some tips for finding inner peace.
12 years ago
This will by no means be a comprehensive list, and not all of these things will be right for everyone. However, the following are all revelations that made a real difference for me, so if anyone out there is feeling a lot of turmoil in their life and are not sure what to do, maybe one of these steps will help.
Do What You Wanna Do
Your friends, family, and mentors all want to look out for your best interests. They want to expand your life experiences and help you grow. They don't, however, know what makes you happy and it's ultimately up to you to decide which of the things they set before you are actually right for you. Be grateful for their suggestions and concern, but do NOT feel obligated.
Don't go to college just because your parents and teachers told you that's what you're supposed to do. Go if you want, don't go if it's not what you want. Your friend wants you to play X game with them. Look into the game and give them a chance to tell you why they're so sure you'll like it, but only play it (or accept it as a gift) if you really want to play it, otherwise let them know what you are into at the moment and see if you can find something you'll both enjoy.
Let's Talk About Those Vices in Your Head
We all have our vices. That's not something to be ashamed of. Failing to identify them or letting them run our lives, however, IS. So what makes something a vice? The way I'd put it, a vice is anything that makes you feel good in the short term, but is harmful or degrading in excess. Alcohol. Coffee. Tobacco. Marijuana. Gambling. Pain relievers. Games we're addicted to long after they cease being fun. Unhealthful and or excessive eating habits. Excessive masturbation. This is just a sample list off the top of my head.
Look at these habits, and any other things that form a big part of your daily or near-daily existance. Ask yourself, "Would this habit be harmful to someone if they were doing it several times more often than me?" Then ask yourself, "Would it be a big deal to me if I stopped doing this for a while? Have I ever caught myself thinking that I NEED this habit or thing?" If the answer to either of these is 'yes', you may want to tone down your indulgence of the particular vice.
The wisest men, the dedicated monks and gurus of the world, usually seek to give up ALL forms of vice entirely. They learn to live without them so that the temptation is not even an issue. I don't believe that sort of extreme of purity is necessary for the common man, however. Our vices, after all, are fun. They add an element to our individual character. With a rational mind and a little strength of will, I believe it is possible for most of us to enjoy our vices without them running (or ruining) our lives.
Less Competitive, More Co-op
While it is true that competition can be a powerful motivator, making us push harder and give our best, it also unfortunately brings out the very worst in humanity. Let's talk specifically about competitive games, although this all would apply similarly to anything else of a competitive nature in our lives. Perhaps you, personally, aren't bothered by the spiritual and moral corruption of other players around you. Perhaps you don't worry about how well you stack up against others, and are perfectly happy just playing the game. If this is the case, congratulations! You're the kind of person who should be playing competitive games!
For others, however, winning becomes more important than playing the game. We find that we have something to PROVE. Respect for our fellow players dies, simply because the game dictated them to be our enemy and they are standing in our way, or maybe our teammates fail to perform to our standards and we think they are dragging down our potential. The desperate may even resort to cheating. At the end of the day, what do we have? Stress. Not the personal best competition was supposed to bring out, but rather a decay in personal standards. Maybe, at best, a handful of people impressed with our skills and at least as many others we've created hostility with. If this describes your experience when playing competitive games, then you should probably avoid them altogether.
Likewise, if you were more like me, perfectly willing to enjoy the game win or lose, willing to respect your opponents as much as your teammates but frequently finding the experience ruined by the failings of others, finding yourself [/i]angered[/i] when others cheat or give you unwarranted hostility. Maybe even angry at yourself for not living up to your own expectations of greatness... then you, like me, should probably also avoid playing competitive games. Ideally, you would be able to find a healthy bit of competition away from all the less desirable players, but... it probably isn't going to happen. Even if your personal friends are all fine, upstanding people who would never cheat and play every game like true gentlemen, well... there's a good chance that their friends aren't. Let me tell you, that gets awkward really fast. No, best to just shy away from competition.
Co-operative Games, on the other hand, are something I can't sing the praises of enough. Regardless of your relationship with competitive games, co-op games are something you should make a habit of playing often. A GOOD co-op, that puts the success of the players in each other's hands, has a remarkable way of bringing out a spirit of brotherhood in people who don't even know each other. It's you, a human being alongside other human beings, being faced with a soul-less representation of evil. It is an experience that forges friendships and brings existing friends closer. If it's NOT a good co-op game, well... you'll know it because your 'allies' will start to feel more like 'competition'. (Exceptions to the rule include games like Zelda: Four Swords or Magicka, wherein you're at your teammates' throats but mostly it just comes out humorous. You're antagonizing each other yet enjoying it... you know, like having a pet cat)
A good co-op game will give you as much opportunity to feel and look like a total badass as any competitive game would. Only instead of being an unstoppable killing machine, you get to be a hero. I'll let you ask yourself which is more satisfying. Maybe instead you're the weakest member of the team? It becomes an exercise in trusting others. At the same time, you'll feel compelled to better yourself because you don't want to hold them back. From the other end, playing with less-skilled players teaches us patience for our fellow man, because (if the game is designed well) there will be no incentive to leaving anyone behind.
Do What You Wanna Do
Your friends, family, and mentors all want to look out for your best interests. They want to expand your life experiences and help you grow. They don't, however, know what makes you happy and it's ultimately up to you to decide which of the things they set before you are actually right for you. Be grateful for their suggestions and concern, but do NOT feel obligated.
Don't go to college just because your parents and teachers told you that's what you're supposed to do. Go if you want, don't go if it's not what you want. Your friend wants you to play X game with them. Look into the game and give them a chance to tell you why they're so sure you'll like it, but only play it (or accept it as a gift) if you really want to play it, otherwise let them know what you are into at the moment and see if you can find something you'll both enjoy.
Let's Talk About Those Vices in Your Head
We all have our vices. That's not something to be ashamed of. Failing to identify them or letting them run our lives, however, IS. So what makes something a vice? The way I'd put it, a vice is anything that makes you feel good in the short term, but is harmful or degrading in excess. Alcohol. Coffee. Tobacco. Marijuana. Gambling. Pain relievers. Games we're addicted to long after they cease being fun. Unhealthful and or excessive eating habits. Excessive masturbation. This is just a sample list off the top of my head.
Look at these habits, and any other things that form a big part of your daily or near-daily existance. Ask yourself, "Would this habit be harmful to someone if they were doing it several times more often than me?" Then ask yourself, "Would it be a big deal to me if I stopped doing this for a while? Have I ever caught myself thinking that I NEED this habit or thing?" If the answer to either of these is 'yes', you may want to tone down your indulgence of the particular vice.
The wisest men, the dedicated monks and gurus of the world, usually seek to give up ALL forms of vice entirely. They learn to live without them so that the temptation is not even an issue. I don't believe that sort of extreme of purity is necessary for the common man, however. Our vices, after all, are fun. They add an element to our individual character. With a rational mind and a little strength of will, I believe it is possible for most of us to enjoy our vices without them running (or ruining) our lives.
Less Competitive, More Co-op
While it is true that competition can be a powerful motivator, making us push harder and give our best, it also unfortunately brings out the very worst in humanity. Let's talk specifically about competitive games, although this all would apply similarly to anything else of a competitive nature in our lives. Perhaps you, personally, aren't bothered by the spiritual and moral corruption of other players around you. Perhaps you don't worry about how well you stack up against others, and are perfectly happy just playing the game. If this is the case, congratulations! You're the kind of person who should be playing competitive games!
For others, however, winning becomes more important than playing the game. We find that we have something to PROVE. Respect for our fellow players dies, simply because the game dictated them to be our enemy and they are standing in our way, or maybe our teammates fail to perform to our standards and we think they are dragging down our potential. The desperate may even resort to cheating. At the end of the day, what do we have? Stress. Not the personal best competition was supposed to bring out, but rather a decay in personal standards. Maybe, at best, a handful of people impressed with our skills and at least as many others we've created hostility with. If this describes your experience when playing competitive games, then you should probably avoid them altogether.
Likewise, if you were more like me, perfectly willing to enjoy the game win or lose, willing to respect your opponents as much as your teammates but frequently finding the experience ruined by the failings of others, finding yourself [/i]angered[/i] when others cheat or give you unwarranted hostility. Maybe even angry at yourself for not living up to your own expectations of greatness... then you, like me, should probably also avoid playing competitive games. Ideally, you would be able to find a healthy bit of competition away from all the less desirable players, but... it probably isn't going to happen. Even if your personal friends are all fine, upstanding people who would never cheat and play every game like true gentlemen, well... there's a good chance that their friends aren't. Let me tell you, that gets awkward really fast. No, best to just shy away from competition.
Co-operative Games, on the other hand, are something I can't sing the praises of enough. Regardless of your relationship with competitive games, co-op games are something you should make a habit of playing often. A GOOD co-op, that puts the success of the players in each other's hands, has a remarkable way of bringing out a spirit of brotherhood in people who don't even know each other. It's you, a human being alongside other human beings, being faced with a soul-less representation of evil. It is an experience that forges friendships and brings existing friends closer. If it's NOT a good co-op game, well... you'll know it because your 'allies' will start to feel more like 'competition'. (Exceptions to the rule include games like Zelda: Four Swords or Magicka, wherein you're at your teammates' throats but mostly it just comes out humorous. You're antagonizing each other yet enjoying it... you know, like having a pet cat)
A good co-op game will give you as much opportunity to feel and look like a total badass as any competitive game would. Only instead of being an unstoppable killing machine, you get to be a hero. I'll let you ask yourself which is more satisfying. Maybe instead you're the weakest member of the team? It becomes an exercise in trusting others. At the same time, you'll feel compelled to better yourself because you don't want to hold them back. From the other end, playing with less-skilled players teaches us patience for our fellow man, because (if the game is designed well) there will be no incentive to leaving anyone behind.
In the PC version, 9/10 times nobody uses their mic at all and the remainder of the time it's friendly. You'll get some relatively unhelpful teammates some of the time, but nothing too bad.