Well as it really seems my account it dead..no it's not because I am busy no it's not because I am lazy.. it's due to pure neglect of myself.. I've become severally depressed my judgments' are clouded feelings are drawn down..im not even really sure what to do anymore things are not what they seem on the outside. I do not even know or come to know how It is so easy to write out to a bunch of people who really do not care.. much will not read this..lol..im sure some will and say "everything is fine" and honestly everything is mostly fine,, I have a roof I am well fed I have the luxry of a computer xbox tv.. ect..why am I so unhappy..? because I know I will not do ANYTHING with my life... will sit here like a fucking rock.. I want to become more but give up so easily..it makes me sick I tell everyone cheer up things will be fine fuck it..

Im sick of working at this dumb job I want to go to school.. I want to do things I love.. I wanted to backpack around the world things I set out to do has become just memories of better days.. what could of been if I did this..I should be happy,,I have someone who loves me to death..someone who wants nothing more then my happiness but I feel a rift I know that rift is me..I know it's my fault he's undhappy to.. yet here I am taking to a bunch of strangers who do not care..why is it so easy to do this and so hard to talk to him.. fuck im sorry..


AND here we have the reasoning why I am not on this account...thanks for looking at this and thanks for stopping by! save the messages for someone who needs it.