Listen up fags and faggetes, it's pronounced 'a-sparta-me', no matter what your labia-soft-fingered friends and some whacked out pronunciation guide says.

I hear the correct way to say this sweetener's name is something like 'ass-per-tame', which to me sounds like how Piers Morgan would tongue-fumble through this while gagging on a pair of shriveled old man balls. It's flatly wrong, and disingenuous.

A goddamn MAN pronounces it 'a-sparta-me', because foremost no man should pass up an opportunity to say 'Sparta', and it's clearly a simple enough word with one of those "I'm a chemical name" style '-me' suffixes thrown on the end.

Now, I hear you whining that the company says otherwise, and a masculine approach is inappropriate due to this being most commonly associated with 'diet' products. To this, I counter you with the cold hard facts and a moist towelette so you can dab the sand out of your vagina.

Easiest man-test about anything ever is to ask yourself a question. Do pussies bitch about it? Pussies never bitch about antiquing. Pussies never bitch about solar power. Pussies DO bitch about Aspartame.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspar.....me_controversy

Look at that shit! There's references and everything. People get more menstrual cramps from Aspartame than they do from their uterus eating less than 30 minutes before swimming.

So clearly, bad for my organs, feels good. Man territory. It belongs right up there with tobacco (pronounced toe-back-co) and alcohol (pronounced 'booze') as words that both denote an object of masculine awesomeness AND are badass guttural words in their own right. Aspartame might benefit from a 'co' syllable like those two, but I'm just going for human badass here. We don't need everything to sound like a Klingon curse.

So remember, ask for it with pride. A-sparta-me, and stand up against the thousand nations of the pussy-shit lisping horde who insist you pronounce it otherwise.