flood my mind, ima try that thing where i put headphones on and type down what comes to mind, ofcourse doing this means this journal is nonsense so bare with me, Ive been thinking alot recently about all the bullshit problems alot of you think you have so Im here to point out that what you consider to be big problems and issues arn't> to put it simply get over it!

By now i must seem like an asshole well good cause i am one but in reality im just honest.... or rather im blunt thats a good word for it yea, blunt i need to point out here that currently in life i don't have that many problems other than trying to pay bills rent and feed myself, but these arnt problems are they??? NO this is life simple and pure, it sucks in the words of a talented rapper "life is naturally hell, we have to work to put a smile on"-Hopsin so why then do things as simple as living seem hard? i mean i know some people who are really really struggling right now and yet they do there best mebers of my faimly an.... there it IS JUST LIKE THAT See this time i was able to keep my train of thought going for a while but ya know how it goes.... Ya wanna know something fucked up??? i want to kill..... I want to dig a knife into someone I want to watch them try to run from me as there blood pours from there fresh wound, I want them to beg for there life as i corner them!! but more than anything... I want them to fight back! I want them to strip me of my blade and thrust it deep into my heart i want them to make me suffer as i have made countless others suffer, HMMM perhaps this is getting a bit to dark, but we will continue down this train of thought for a while still til it derails... I WANT TO RELAPSE, I want to wake up to three lines waiting for me I want to pass that meth pipe to the left I need that costume cut EX made just the way i like it! I want to deliver sell and rob, yet i dont want any of this I quick cold turkey ya know i quick it all, Well except Marijuana ya know whats funny they say its a gate way drug yet i start on meth and ended with pot funny huh?

I think ill have to stop this train as these tracks are stable and ive said so much already but huh seems like i have alot on my mind dont it?

also in regards to the start just know that this was not directed at anyone i was just venting as most of the people who write said journals are, and to be honest i wasn't even venting but instead putting what popped into my head down Also I have no intention of relapsing i haven't touched hard drugs in about 5 years with the exception of Coke which i did about 3 years ago but yea i have it under control, so no one needs to worry nor should the people who didn't know this about me, the me you know now is the real me I dont plan on changing but if this information changes how you look at me that is also understandable, i keep thoughts pent up and this is a simple way of releasing them Heck i don't expect 90% of my 80-somthing watchers to even read this


For those of you who have read this I thank you for wanting to take a step into my head its a scary place and you were very brave lol

Love-Zer0