FA+
Shop
Well did not mean to rant...
13 years ago
General
Well not sure that my journals get read anyways but it is time for a new one.
I really have to admit I have issues with talking to people that I do not know via the internet. I mean I go to tell someone that I really enjoy their work and I feel like I am being that creepy fan boy that drools over them, trying to stroke their ego because that is as close as I will get to stroking them, this is not the case (though I am told that I have a way with words). Though not that my personal life with friends has been going much better for me. I guess this is what being retrospective will get you sometimes. I try and say what I mean, in a no, I do not want to wear your skin kind of way. I hear a lot from artists on the various sites I go to saying that comments are encouraged, I guess I need to start adding that to my posts. See if I am coming off as bad as I feel like I am, and how I need to improve. Social interactions have never been something that I have been really good with.
I guess the reason I feel freer here talking on a personal level is that no one here really knows me, if I fuck up in a glorious way I can just not come back. Disappear and pop back up as another anonymous name. I do have trust issues, and confidence issues, that stem from the merciless bullying that I dealt with growing up, my biggest tormentor shared a room with me till I was 11, and still treats me in the same manner.
Yes I have been going through some personal shit as of late. Caused mainly by those that should be making me feel like something other than a worthless piece of shit. This site used to be a means of escaping that but lately I get pained by seeing everything here and remembering that my main creative outlet is no longer available to me (so broke it is not even funny, and comp is too broken to run photoshop) hell I am sure that I have a few trades that I ow still.
Okay I think that I am going to end it here. I guess I needed to get somethings out there and this was as good as a place as any. I just ask if you do read please comment even if all you have to say is that you were here. Would make me feel better in a way I need right now.
I really have to admit I have issues with talking to people that I do not know via the internet. I mean I go to tell someone that I really enjoy their work and I feel like I am being that creepy fan boy that drools over them, trying to stroke their ego because that is as close as I will get to stroking them, this is not the case (though I am told that I have a way with words). Though not that my personal life with friends has been going much better for me. I guess this is what being retrospective will get you sometimes. I try and say what I mean, in a no, I do not want to wear your skin kind of way. I hear a lot from artists on the various sites I go to saying that comments are encouraged, I guess I need to start adding that to my posts. See if I am coming off as bad as I feel like I am, and how I need to improve. Social interactions have never been something that I have been really good with.
I guess the reason I feel freer here talking on a personal level is that no one here really knows me, if I fuck up in a glorious way I can just not come back. Disappear and pop back up as another anonymous name. I do have trust issues, and confidence issues, that stem from the merciless bullying that I dealt with growing up, my biggest tormentor shared a room with me till I was 11, and still treats me in the same manner.
Yes I have been going through some personal shit as of late. Caused mainly by those that should be making me feel like something other than a worthless piece of shit. This site used to be a means of escaping that but lately I get pained by seeing everything here and remembering that my main creative outlet is no longer available to me (so broke it is not even funny, and comp is too broken to run photoshop) hell I am sure that I have a few trades that I ow still.
Okay I think that I am going to end it here. I guess I needed to get somethings out there and this was as good as a place as any. I just ask if you do read please comment even if all you have to say is that you were here. Would make me feel better in a way I need right now.
