Sorry for the rants guys, it's just it makes me feel better to type it and know that someone reads it. No one I talk to can help me but myself, but there is nothing I can do and this is my only way of keeping sane and not get into a fight with my parents.

Is it sad that I feel more at home at Dylan's house than at my own house? I mean I live here, but I don't belong. Had this sudden realization today while on my way home from his house. I was visiting Rick and Tiff and the cats, they treat me like family and I am so grateful to them for accepting me into their family TT~TT My greatest wish is that my parents could be the same way. They think that it's creepy that I wanted to visit Dylan's parents while he's gone, they are my family too, why wouldn't I go visit them? I don't want to not see them for 7 months. I know and understand that my parents grew up in terrible situations and that made them grow up tough; I do not live in the same situation that they did, they raised me well, I know my right from wrongs and I don't put myself into bad situations. I mean flip! Yesterday I went to Owen's birthday, there were 4 other people there, 3 were guys and his girlfriend, they are all 15-16 mind you (yes I know a 20 year old hanging with 16 year olds, weird? Idc, I forget how young Owen is because he is very mature for his age), anyway, I stayed the night and even got permission from my parents *key point* and I got in trouble today :/ My mom decided to give me a lecture. She said she doesn't want me to become "one of those people that doesn't know when to leave" what? I really don't understand where she got this from, it really does not apply to the situation I was in. Also she was afraid that I was gonna get raped. Really? By a nerd 16 year old that I could kick his face? She said there could have been a date rape drug in my drink and I wouldn't even know. What kind of parties does she think I go to? What kind of friends does she think I have? Seriously, she gives me this lecture after/before every party I go to. For the record, my definition of a party is a gathering of some friends, maybe 10 at the most, and we sit around and eat junk food and laugh at each other and play games. The worst part is that she always does these things at the worst times. She gave me this lecture while we were out picking up my grandpa from his care home. Another time I was on my way out the door to go on see a movie with Dylan and his mom and my mom asked me if I was still a virgin; really? right then? was that necessary? I honestly can't have a nice conversation with her to save her life, it will be nice at first, but then she twists it around and instantly drops me to the floor. She only cares about grades and studying and getting a good job or just the logical stuff in life. She doesn't have any interest in my personal life or my private life, I wouldn't even mind telling them everything, if they would listen or even care. My dad doesn't even want to hear that Dylan and I cuddled on the couch while we watched a movie. They never ask questions that actually mean anything, they are just making small talk to get to the only thing they care about. Today my mom asked me how Rick is doing and I said fine, the only reason she asked was as an ice breaker to find out if he got the job in Hawaii or not, she doesn't care about him, why would she? I don't even think they've met.

I told Owen today that the way I can describe my life is that my parents build a glass box around me, since I couldn't see the walls I thought there were none. I played happily in the center of the box, never straying toward the edges, but now that I'm older I can see the world outside the box and I desperately want to be on the other side of the glass, I run to each edge over and over trying to find a weak spot. The only way I can be free is to smash through with a money hammer and be rid of my parents and live my life with Dylan, and work through our struggles together and be happy. If my sister can get he driver's license this summer then I can move out when Dylan comes back and I can take the bus or find a car pool with someone. I don't think I've ever been so serious about moving out ever. This needs to happen soon. I need that job over the summer.

Also at the party I lost the bracelet Dylan gave me for christmas (AGAIN) About 2 months ago the clasp got jammed during an intense 40 minute long tickle session, it's been fine wearing it around until last night. Sad part is I took Owen to Target so he could buy Borderlands 2 and I don't know if it fell off in his house, outside his house, in my car, in the parking lot or in the store.... I left a description and a drawing of it and my phone number at the lost and found, hopefully a honest citizen finds it and turns it in for me T.T or it's in my car or Owen's house.
EDIT 3/11: I found my bracelet T.T Turns out I never wore it to the party at all....

To end with good news, Dylan finished orientation, he got his uniform and his head shaved xD He also listed me as his beneficiary :'3 It's just another thing that makes our relationship more solid for me, I mean not that I have any doubts xD but it still makes me really happy just knowing that. I should be receiving my first letter from him soon <3 My visit with Rick went well, he said I could come over anytime I want to escape my parents xD I don't even talk to him about that really and he knows I hate it here! And Tiff gave me a real mango, first time I've eaten one =3 I only got to spend 2 hours over there because I had to be back to take my grandpa home, but next week, maybe Friday I can stay longer.

And that's all from me for now.

And on a side note my room has gone from smelling like maple syrup to fruit loops.