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Life appears to be on a downwards spiral and I don't like it
12 years ago
General
So yeah, basically this months has completely and utterly destroyed whatever confidence/happiness/whatever I'd built since moving away from home to get a new job.
I think what's really hurt is admitting to myself that I can't afford to see my friends (AKA; go down to MCM London in May). I mean it physically hurts.
You know that pain you get in your chest when something upsets you that badly? I've had that the past hour.
Admitting to my best friend that I couldn't go hurt, so much, still does. I mean, it's taken a huge weight off of my shoulders but... God the pain, physically and mentally. It's going to be nearly a year between seeing her and others :(
Hopefully now I don't have to worry about that expense I can begin to pick myself up slowly and re-build myself again.
Just wish my car would behave :( have to take it back to the garage tomorrow, third time this month.
So yup.
Here's to hoping things improve.
Ruth
xxxx
(( Fuck I hate feeling like this ))
I think what's really hurt is admitting to myself that I can't afford to see my friends (AKA; go down to MCM London in May). I mean it physically hurts.
You know that pain you get in your chest when something upsets you that badly? I've had that the past hour.
Admitting to my best friend that I couldn't go hurt, so much, still does. I mean, it's taken a huge weight off of my shoulders but... God the pain, physically and mentally. It's going to be nearly a year between seeing her and others :(
Hopefully now I don't have to worry about that expense I can begin to pick myself up slowly and re-build myself again.
Just wish my car would behave :( have to take it back to the garage tomorrow, third time this month.
So yup.
Here's to hoping things improve.
Ruth
xxxx
(( Fuck I hate feeling like this ))
Just wish my confidence would stop preventing me from going out for meals and stuff when they invite me :(
I mean I've made friends and I really do enjoy their company but... I've always got something stupid voice at the back of my head telling me it's just a facade and it's some cruel hoax and they'll all stand me up sorta thing. I know it's stupid but I can never shake that feeling :(
Heh, what a jolly old night we're having.
:/
sgfsgds it really does suck
I've not seen anyone but jared in months and
LOL THIS JOURNAL OPENED A BIG WOUND FOR ME BLAH BLAH BLAH
chin up ruru
Trying again on Saturday, fingers crossed.
/hugs your wound/
Keeping chin up, or trying to :)