This is something that i have been deeply...deeply thinking about for the last few months, and it is why I have barely spoken to anyone in that time frame.


I went to the ER a few months ago because I had developed a kidney infection, and holy fuck is having one of those painful as hell. I couldn't sit still, i paced back and forth for hours as the intense, searing pain throbbed relentlessly in my back. I finally had broken down and got someone to take me in.


They drew blood (Because i had mentioned my hypothyroidism). They left me in that little ass room, pacing back and forth in pain still, for 20 agonizing minutes. When they finally got back, they told me the bad news.

My liver is basically slowly failing (they couldn't figure out if it was cancer or what, >> Dumbasses.) This doctor could be a quack, which i'm hoping and praying on. She told me that at the rate it's going, I'll be lucky if i have 5 years left in me.

For the last three months, all I did was curl up in a dark room and pretty much sink into myself, I hardly spoke a word to anyone. in all three months I maybe uttered a sentence all together.



But, now i've come to face my own mortality and you know what? I'm not going to let this kill me, i am not going to leave behind the people that i love, i want to actually grow old with the few friends that i love.

Dead in 5 years? I don't fucking think so, I'm a fighter, i always have been and I always will, this won't get rid of me. I've literally lived through hell growing up, avoiding getting shot on the way to school everyday (gotta love Aurora, CO >>) I've been hit by cars, fallen off of 2story buildings, had accidnts that should have been fatal.

But I'm still here, and i always will be.

Alan Blutmond
Rega
Shane (Dingo)
my sis, Lunar
my bro, paws

and a few other dearly important people to me have my deepest, most heart felt gratitude for pulling me out of this funk i was in, some calmed me down and others were in my mind and heart, without them I probably would have already faded away.

Thank you *Smiles for the first time in 3 months, tears in my eyes*