As many of you have noticed, I have been extremely inactive as of lately on this site. I would just like sincerely apologize for my absent for such a long period of time. I did not intent to be away for so long, I actually had no intentions of being away period. Though things tend to always try to work me it would seem. But as I was saying, I just want you all to know that I offer my most earnest apology. I know many of you are waiting on me and I have kept you waiting for so long with no words of when I would show up next. I am so sorry for this! I know how angry you must be and I do not blame you for such, I understand what it is like to be waiting to hear from someone and they just seem to disappear. I never intended to do so but I did and I am so ashamed for my recent actions. I did not intend for this to happen but it did and I take full responsibility for this cause.

For those of you in particular that are waiting for commissions pieces, I will be contacting you shortly in regards to your orders. I have not forgotten them and I have them all document. If things need to be fixed up or however they need to be altered, we will talk about them through notes.

For anyone who is wondering as to why I have been so inactive as of lately and why I have not been drawing, this is the part you should read.

As soon as I came home for my trip from MFF, I closed all of my commissions so that I could focus on all the orders that I received there. I was not going to take on any more pieces because it would not be fair to work on other orders until I finished what I have to do. I started working on them but shortly after, I fell ill with the flu and was unable to continue with my work for a longer period of time than expected. I was eventually able to recover and I started getting back to work but that is when things started to hit the fan over here.

My family has always been an interesting one, full of love but at the same time it is hard for us to get along sometimes. But shortly after I got back from MFF, things started to get serious around here. I’m going to sort of be vague here but I’ll share a little.

We all began fighting……a lot. The fighting got to the point where I could not even stand to be in the house anymore. But the only place I was able to escape to was either work or to be with my boyfriend. Work has become a soul crushing place and sometimes I just felt I was not welcomed at my boyfriend’s place because of reasons. Everywhere I went, things just crumbled around me and I was unable to keep the cheerful outlook that I normally have when it comes to life. I tried my best but it was a chore just to get up in the morning. Then it came to the point where my father told my sisters and me that things did not look good and that if they were not fixed, my father was going to sell the house and kick us all out. He told us to be ready to leave.

I felt like I was being abandoned by my family. I know that unfortunately, it happens to people, but I grew up with lots of love and surrounded by family. But it felt was though it was all disappearing. I did not know what to do, so I tried to turn to the people but I felt that no one wanted to be bothered with my trivial life.

I could not figure out what to do, so I panicked, I freaked, and I broke down.

I lost my ability to draw, I was unable to even pick up a pencil, and I was unable to do anything. All I could muster up was pulling myself out of bed and going to work so that I could make enough money and my minimal paying job so I could pay the bills so I would not be kicked out sooner. I cried myself asleep a lot in the beginning and I just sat there staring at my tablet or paper and I tried, I really did, but I was unable to draw anything. It hurt so much because that was what I felt could save me in some way. But I just could not do anything.

This went on for the last few months.

I was looking for anything to get me draw. I was looking through images to become inspired, I tried bettering my life to bring up my spirits. I tried drawing but I could not bring myself to like anything past a few stroke lines. I felt so ashamed of myself for not even being able to sketch, I COULDN’T SKETCH! I felt so humiliated, especially around the people that I was looking for motivation from. An artist who could not even sketch a few lines, it was a joke and it hurt.

But I was not going to give up, I could not give up on myself. And the thing is I didn’t.

I am not sure how I did it, but I am drawing again and I cannot explain how happy I am. I kept doing everything I could to try to fix myself and I somehow found a way. Though I feel that the support and push from my boyfriend is really what helped in the long run. It feels that some days, he’s the only one that really seems to care. I know many others do, but it is funny how strangers tend to be more supportive of me lately than the people I things are close to me. It has been so long and I feel complete again.

Things are starting to get better but there are always going to be wars fought and wounds that need to heal. But it takes time and I’m working on that too. Right now, I am well and I am taking care of myself. I cannot let this happen again because I really felt that part of me died when this happened. Long story short, depression is a bitch and it will do a number on you.

Sorry for the long read. I am better now and I am back stronger. So sorry for the wait, I am working to catch up on all my late work. And as I stated before, I have not taken on any other commission work so that I can be fair to those of you who are waiting. I am sorry for the wait and I can hope you forgive me. Though it will be much easier for you to forgive me when I finish up your commission pieces. It will not be long now, I am working hard to get them done.

Once again, I am truly sorry for all of this but I am back and here to make amends and make sure everything goes right.