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No end in sight...(warning: sad rant)
12 years ago
General
❤
❤ 
Sorry for the major delays in art
I've had a lot going on and there just seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel
Warning: Ranting/Depression to follow. If you don't want to read it then don't, no one is making you. And if you're going to complain about what I'm upset over or how much I am complaining, then do everyone a favor and just move along k? :3
I haven't been this depressed in, well I don't think ever
You know all those commercials about depression?
I feel like that today
Nothing that I am usually into or makes me happy is even remotely interesting to me right now
I can't seem to convince myself to draw
I did a few doodles last night but other than two I kept hating them and would give up
I've picked up both my beads and my paracord and said, yeah I'm going to make stuff, this will make me feel better!
And then I just don't even start
I guess I just feel like a failure at everything right now
School is NOT going well...at all...
I have 5 weeks left, and that's not enough time to make it better if I even could
I have a Cadet Review Board (disciplinary hearing) this week for an alcohol violation
If they really wanted to, they could drop me from school
I'm not going to make grades this semester, which means I can't come back next semester
My family is going to make my summer hell
I never do anything right in their eyes as it is
now I'm failing out of school....again
and down to smaller stuff
It's really disheartening when you feel like you create pretty cool stuff
everyone says hey you should try selling that stuff cuz its cool
and then no one ever buys
Paracord, Kandi/beadwork, art
none of it just seems to be good enough
and if I offer stuff for free EVERYONE wants it
but as soon as it stops being free, nothing
To be fair I did have one person recently want to commission me
but he couldnt because he's in a diff country and doesnt have paypal
And to top all of this off...all I have wanted for the past month is to see my boyfriend
but 3 weekends in a row now, plans have been ruined
and always last minute
even the weekend I did get to see him...
our first time seeing eachother after talking about getting together
His bike broke down, I had two flat tires, and it ended up costing me 4 hours worth of driving someone else's car and the gas plus a train ticket home just to get him here for like 4 days
Every plan after that it was something
a surprise ticket, weather, last minute job interview
none of it is his fault...and he feels awful
We just can't seem to get a break for some reason
he's busy all this month
I leave for home second week of next month
and he's leaving in July for the Navy
I'm trying to think positive
which I am usually really good at
but I just....can't
I can't shut off all the negative thoughts running through my head
it's rather painful really
Maybe after I get through all the bad junk this week I will feel better
but we'll see❤
❤ 
Dogzzilla
~dogzzilla
just take your time, c: i hope you feel better soon ^.^
KitsueClover
~kitsueclover
OP
Thank you much :3 I am feeling much better now. I think I just needed to let it all out....and eat, eating is good X3 I think yours is next on the list once I get through stuff this week
KandiKatKreations
~kandikatkreations
I'm here if you need to rant hon. *squish* Text me, call me, whatever. I'm here for you darling. *hugs tight*
KitsueClover
~kitsueclover
OP
Thanks kitteh :3 I would have messaged to rant at you but i didnt really want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to spill it all out. Which I think made me feel a little better. A few hours after posting this I was feeling MUCH better. It still all sucks but at least im not crying and feeling so depressed that I'm making myself sick X3
KandiKatKreations
~kandikatkreations
I'm glad you feel better at least. And I didn't necessarily mean that you had to come to me over this specific thing. Just in general. I'm here to talk about anything. *squish*
