My dear, failure is giving up completely and allowing yourself to do nothing beyond the darkest of times. That is hardly failure. You seem to be persevering well enough. It's a lot more than what some furs would do.

The goal of my education, my college classes, getting my degree, job searching, seeking medical help for my ADHD and depression was to invest in myself and make me a valuable human resource that generates enough value to support myself. After 6 years and much work I have now run out of time and options and have failed to achieve this goal.

Every day I live I go a cost of living more into debt. I cannot afford to exist. If this is not the definition of failure I do not know what is.

Don't you dare do something stupid. Your parents are awesome enough to take you in so you can get back on your feet. At least you went to get a degree and have education. I got shit right now. I can't even go back to college because I completely lack any viable transportation to actually get there. I no longer have a job thanks to my boss pulling some nasty politics on me behind my back. Technically you're better off than I am right now. I think you need to meditate and reevaluate things and go from there rather than thinking you've failed. This is nothing more than another opportunity.

And I just gave you the definition of failure in my last comment. Ponder on that.

I do not intend to take my own life. There is a very big difference in wanting to die and feeling your existence is of no value. This is a lack of opportunity not a lack of utility. I am trained and educated in a job field that is not needed at my education level in this country anymore. I cannot afford to increase my education level or retrain for another field. I cannot compete with others in my field. I lack the experience to break into the periphery of my field. Unskilled labor is available but others are in more need then I and I am both overqualified and under experienced for that work and it does not pay a living wage. There are many things I can do, there is just no unallocated money in people's pockets to go to paying me to do them.

I have given up on seeking at this time and now must wait for conditions to become more favorable. I am unable to do anything more.

There is nothing wrong with living with your parents in your 20's or even early 30's. Also, they are your flesh and blood. Paying back with interest is silly. They're your parents, not friends or strangers. I find it sad that society today frowns upon children living with their parents. The country I come from, you only move out if you get married or are in a serious relationship that lasts more than a year. That way, everyone benefits financially much better.. The only exception is if your parents hate you and don't want to know you, but in your case, that does not seem to be the situation.

All the best to you, hope your spirits are lifted soon!

I feel really guilty about it. They paid for my college and housing during college and it took me 5 years to get my 2 year associates degree. They've sacrificed enough for me. I came from a single income house with a mother that was a homemaker. My father retired this year so he's on pension now. Since he retired any money I've received from them has come out of their retirement savings which are in CD at 3% APR and it was my father's suggestion that he would be happy if I matched that rate which is only fair. His profession was certified public account (CPA) so he knows finances.

My parents know I'm bi and know about furry which I'm less of these days so I don't expect to have too much interpersonal friction. I won't be living the lifestyle though if you know what I mean.

By the way. Just for your information, I have zero education except for my high school diploma, yet I earn over $60K per year. It's very easy to do. You have to go where the money is, not expect it to come to you. And yes, I'm only 26.

I lack experience though and where education is not required it seems that experience is. If not that then it's all interpersonal networking and I don't have too much of a social life anymore. What I can go out and get is minimum wage retail but a lot of times I'm a bit out of place being painfully overqualified. There's a lot of unskilled immigrant workers here that compete fiercely for those because that is the only work they can get and they need it badly. I cannot move elsewhere without money. I need a middle class white collar job with medical benefits badly.

I know it wont make you feel any better but when it comes to failure, I have you outdone as far as I'm concerned.

But really, it's not over until its over. True failure is when you give up. You haven't failed yet. You just haven't made the progress that you wanted. Maybe you'll just have to take a few steps backward before finally getting forward momentum you need.

I hope things improve for you.

- I took a few steps backwards when I flunked out of Digipen and lost 10k of tuition money in credits that transfer nowhere.
- I took a few steps backwards when I moved out of Bellevue and left Bellevue Community College a few credits shy of my Associates in Communications (radio broadcast emphasis) and Associates of Computer Science (many math credits shy)
- I took a few steps backwards when I lost touch with my friends in Seattle
- I took a few steps backwards when I came to realize that there was no social community here for me
- I took a few steps backwards when my tribe on SL collapsed and my hardware started to be unsuitable to allow me to be there
- I took a few steps backwards when after I was accepted for the radio program at Mt. Hood Community College they refused to consider my prior experience and I never got my radio degree
- I took a few steps backwards when I lost medical insurance and started going into medical debt
- I took a few steps backwards when I ran out of money to finish my Associates of Fine Arts which was 60% complete and required 8 more art classes
- I took a few steps backwards when I had no money left to complete my Bacceulerate of Science in Computer Science so I will go no further in my education
- I took a few steps backwards when I got a car and started paying insurance and maintenence on that and gas went up to $4.00 negating any freedom it was supposed to give
- I took a few steps backwards when I signed my 30 day notice of intent to vacate and became a homeless person

Forget not making progress, I am in freefall and unable to arrest my catastrophic descent and impact with rock bottom is imminent. I have failed to hold onto anything at all I valued and loved. My life is defined by loss and I mourn every day. I have lost all hope and my goals are out of reach.

Don't tell me I've just had a few setbacks. I have failed repeatedly and consistently and there is no forward momentum. This is my parents arresting my fall because I am incapable of doing so myself. They're going to take care of their poor mentally ill son who has no future.

Conversely, my younger brother (by 4 years) is in his final year of college for an Associates of Foreign Language in German and a Baccalaureate of Science in Chemistry and is going to go on to Graduate School next year (the school pays). He's applying to Stanford, University of California Berkley, Cal-Tech, amoung others. He'll be getting his PhD in chemistry and wishes to teach at the college level. His IQ and mine are only 1 point different we are both highly gifted but he does not have ADHD and I do.

Try living with that knowledge.

Several of the things you listed were not your fault and you had little if any control over. To blame yourself for things that are outside of your control is illogical and unnecessary. You are not in control of the community around here, you are not in control of gas prices, and you are not in control of the fact that you need medication.

I'm not going to argue too much on what you consider to be all your failures because if I were in your place, I know I would be saying the exact same thing so I do have to empathize with you, but forgive me for not knowing everything about your past or your situation.

I'm sure it must be intensely frustrating and humiliating knowing that your brother is so successful and you currently are not. I'm not going to write that off as something easy to live with.

But there's at least one thing you do have. You are gifted AND you know it/believe it. Imagine living with the knowledge or belief that you are not gifted, that you are nothing special, that you are not bright or talented, or anything like that.

I'd rather be a talented and gifted failure than a worthless, incompetent, mediocre failure.