So....all day yesterday and even now today i feel as if soemthign very bad is going to happen in my life, i have this....sense of forboding.....yesterday was...one of those days really....i...dont know whats going on or why i have this feeling, but i hope all my friends and family, and my friends family members are ok right now

On another note.....iv been thinking lately, my manager had said that its been ten years (today) since his mother passed away (me and my sunday manager are buddies, odd i know but still).....and iv been thinking lately how short life is, and i look at my life now, iv wasted at least two years of my life being...depressed and feeling shitty for myself (yes even thought about suicide once or twice) but i look at others who have it much worse....i admit there are many out there that have harder lives to live, harder than mine has ever ever been, hell now that i think about it....why was i depressed?...i dont fucking have a clue....i made excuses, i made myself feel like shit....when it was un neccesary, i look around me and i see so many people, both careing and only acting liek they care. AS for me, im going to try and be better, i dont gerentee i wont be depressed...but...im not going to be depressed for no reason at all anymore, because iv realised that life is to short to be like this constantly.

Over the years iv learned how to look past what people say to me, i can see past what you say to me IRL, i can see past lies, i can even see past faces.....you can be smiling and happy inside...but ic an tell on the inside your not fine or ok....and iv done the same....iv been at my worst before and still smiled and said im ok, only 2 of my friends in real life were able to see past what i said, i thank them still and im glad we hang out...and i have to thank those iv met on here that are being good friends to me even now...some of you have left or no longer talk to me but i still consider you my friends.

And i still miss and lvoe those that have passed away in my life.