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No need to read this, I just need to get stuff off my chest
12 years ago
Recently, I have been getting more and more depressed with every single day that passes in the shitty cesspool of a country where I live. So many opportunities that I have applied for or attempted to make use of have just wound up in failure.
My family think I am gay and dont want to hear anything more on it even though I am bisexual. I have only a handful of 'friends' if you could even call some of them that. I am failing at my university course due to my depression and the fact I find everyone hostile. It is because of this that I have no job prospects and therefor no money. I have never had a relationship because people only see me as a friend and I doubt that anyone would want to spend time with a waste of space failure like me. I might be the one that helps people through the tough times, helps them feel happy when they are down, helps them with advice on relationships as an outsider... I get hardly anything in return.
I had applied to get studying in America, a fresh start if you will, however it seems my applications was never received even though I paid a substantial fee that I didn't have at the time. This was my means of escape from the stagnation that I feel is forming here, the growing fetid swamp surrounding me. Yes that running away, cowardice maybe, but its the only option I felt I had.
Everything about my life is going wrong and I feel I am losing more control of it with each passing second.
I dont know what to do any more.
My family think I am gay and dont want to hear anything more on it even though I am bisexual. I have only a handful of 'friends' if you could even call some of them that. I am failing at my university course due to my depression and the fact I find everyone hostile. It is because of this that I have no job prospects and therefor no money. I have never had a relationship because people only see me as a friend and I doubt that anyone would want to spend time with a waste of space failure like me. I might be the one that helps people through the tough times, helps them feel happy when they are down, helps them with advice on relationships as an outsider... I get hardly anything in return.
I had applied to get studying in America, a fresh start if you will, however it seems my applications was never received even though I paid a substantial fee that I didn't have at the time. This was my means of escape from the stagnation that I feel is forming here, the growing fetid swamp surrounding me. Yes that running away, cowardice maybe, but its the only option I felt I had.
Everything about my life is going wrong and I feel I am losing more control of it with each passing second.
I dont know what to do any more.
I always find it better now to just ignore hostile people, I know you might be feeling lonely on your course if everyone is hostile towards you but you don't need people like that in your life so why would you even be bothered to let them make you feel bad.
I hope you get it sorted, don't waste another thought on stupid ignorant people even if its family and it sounds harsh, its not worth trying with them. Maybe if they never hear from you it might make them realise how stupid they are being but if not they obviously don't care much for you.