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anxiety=withdrawing from school, and the silver lining
12 years ago
i can't even begin to explain the amount of bullshit i have been dealing with lately, but its like every facet of my life is just overflowing with stress-inducers. last thursday i had a full blown break during my concept art class, was able to excuse myself to the restroom before i totally lost it and started hyperventilating.
take note, here's what NOT to do when you dee someone having an anxiety attack:
1. do not tell them "just calm down and everything will be okay."
2. do not tell them "just tell yourself it will be better"
3. do not tell them "just stop letting things get to you/just stop having anxiety"
4. do not touch them unless they directly ask to be touched, or they touch you.
5. do not stand there awkwardly and quiet/fretting over them.
these are all things some idiot girl did when she entered the bathroom. i know she had good intentions but she just tripled the length and intensity of my anxiety attack.
here are some GOOD THINGS to do when you see someone having an anxiety attack:
1. calmy and rationally ask if they need you to get them anything, such as water
2. speak in a calm voice, keep a distance, but be polite and patient
3. if you have anxiety, and understand what they are going through, do not start telling the person all about your own problems, but it is okay to relate your experiences, such as with commentary like "oh, i know what that's like. just gotta ride it out sometimes" or other general statements.
4. suggest deep breathing, but acknowledge that it doesnt work for everyone [even though it really does work for pretty much everyone, but anxiety=pessimism most of the time, so don't TELL them to breath, just SUGGEST slower beathing]
5. get them to start talking, but do not ask directly what the source of th anxiety is--let them bring it up, or talk about some random subject. talking uses brain power and pulls a person out of subconcious thought and into explanatory thought, and can make breathign easier because the person's thought process has shifted
6. leave in a timely manner, do not treat them as if they are the msot important thing ever--get back to what you were doing before so they can finish up for themselves.
these are all things that a professor at school did, even though we didn't know each other and she never even got my name
Due to these things, i will be dropping out of at least one, if not both of my classes at school, and i am dropping my concept art major. It is alot of extra money for the 3 classes left in it, all the other classes for it i already took for my major but now all the classes are extras, and i just don't need to do it--i don't want to do concept art for a living, so why push myself in a class that is only triggering my anxiety to rise even more, ya know?
Though don't get me wrong, school is not the source, its just a trigger for the more personal issues that i do not want to, and will not go into here, even if you send me a private note. those i am comfortable telling already know so don't ask.
Still unsure if i'm going to be dropping my art history class or not, going to try to do it but i gotta guage how the next week goes as to if it's worth it.
i'm gonna be working 1-2 days a week at mum's office to keep busy and earn money to pay bills and also save up, and this will also open up alot more time for commissions--firstly finishing the one's i have [and following up with people who i'm waiting on details from].
THE SILVER LINING
i will now have alot more time to focus on something i enjoy and that i am very good at: making costume parts, mostly cast things that you can't normally find.
Plenty of people do resin masks, eyes, claws, pawpads... i'm gonna try to do some different things.
1. heavy duty, ultra-realistic resin hooves cast onto heel-less shoes for a realistic look and fit [all feet done in this way]
2. resin paws [starting with a wolf/large dog type], in 2 types, one made to be furred, and one made to be painted with texture in the cast itself
3. ANTLERS. i know alot of you guys are content with the slick cheap plastic ones, sometimes real ones work, but i'm not easily contended myself. Plus, those palstic ones don't work for reindeer, or elk, or any more unique cervids! i'm hoping to make affordable realistic antlers cast from the real thing, wearable not jsut on fursuit heads but also on a human head
4. down the road, REPTILE & AQUATIC PARTS! but what will be special about mine? NO FUR, NO FLEECE. instead, latex/silicone coating over spandex, for a real scaled look and feel. feet, legs, tails, whatever you want. I want some good looking velociraptor feet with big-ol resin claws.
i'll be open to any suggestions or commissions for custom work that involved casting and alot of extra labor most people can't do. My goal is to create the next generation of realistic fursuit parts and anthropomorphics beyond just the face and the fur, with less foam and less exageration--more of your body for your fursona.
I'll be making a video of the next cast hooves i do within the next week, and also of the process as i get my antlers/sheds, mold, and cast them.
I also have my second Maquette commission for a non-profit company that works towards HIV/STD awereness, and i'm honored to be able to do this pro-bono job, which also gives royalties and gets my name out there.
As always, i'm open for commissions for maquettes [sculptures] of your personal characters! If you're interested, check out the characters you see here for examples of the variety of work i can do.
EDIT 4.16
I realized that alot of people don't know what it means to have a major anxiety attack/meltdown like i experienced, and in my exasperation i failed to clarify for commissioners, friends, acquaintances, and concerned parties.
To clarify, i mentioned time opening up for commissions--this means finishing the ones i currently have before taking on new ones, as you can see both here and on my WEASYL, my commission status is listed as closed. However, i will not be able to get to them as soon as i'm sure you guys would like. I know i'm overdue on the only two things that i have the go-ahead to complete, but you have to understand, i am sick. And i'm not referring to physical illness [although, actually, my crazy hives/rash thing that i thought was cured is back, and i've been having some severe nausea and insomnia].
The illness i'm referring to is the chemical imbalance at the root of my severe chronic anxiety, and to a lesser extent my depression and my ADHD. I am on medication. I have been on medication for ADHD sinc ei was 5, i have been on medication for depression since i was 14, and i have been trying to find an anxiety medication that works for the past 2 years. We found one in september, i had to go off of it because we thought it made me sick, and today i finally got back up to the dose i was previously on, but it can't fix the damage already done, only help me cope with future thing.
My anxiety doesn't ordinally give me severe meltdowns like occured last week, the last time i had one of those was over 3 years ago. My anxiety presents in physical symptons: heart palpitations, hot flashes, chills, shaking/jitters, nausea/vomitting, fevers, and extreme drowsiness.
Every day i struggle with a severe chest pains from intense heart palpitations as i drive to school.
Every day i struggle with shaky hands when i draw around my classmates and friends, so much so that i can't ink a drawing at all.
I wear layers year round-tank top, tshirt, sweater, jacket, socks, leggings, shorts or skirts--winter through summer, to accomodate the chills i get in 80 degree weather, and the hot flashes i get in 40 degree weather.
Not to mention, the chills/shakes i get, the ones that make my whole body jolt suddenly, sets off my 2 dislocated ribs and my bad hips, often paralyzing my momentarily to the extend that i have to have someone help me to the floor to lay down until my body relaxes and "resets" so to speak.
I can't work on commissions right now. I may be okay right this second, i managed to distract myself with a stupid drawing of one of my bff's as a magical girl, but as soon as i look at a bottle of ink or dye, i start shaking again and my head starts swirling and i get scared.
If there were any drawing in art history i'd be screwed, but there's not, and its cheaper for me to keep taking the one class that it is to drop both, but i can't do... much of anything... i'm kind of useless for now, unless its like making a cast of the hooves cause i already had the mold and its like pouring a class of OJ to make hooves. .-.
long and short, please, leave me alone. follow my journals for updates, also follow my twitter, riothawk, for minor life updates.
take note, here's what NOT to do when you dee someone having an anxiety attack:
1. do not tell them "just calm down and everything will be okay."
2. do not tell them "just tell yourself it will be better"
3. do not tell them "just stop letting things get to you/just stop having anxiety"
4. do not touch them unless they directly ask to be touched, or they touch you.
5. do not stand there awkwardly and quiet/fretting over them.
these are all things some idiot girl did when she entered the bathroom. i know she had good intentions but she just tripled the length and intensity of my anxiety attack.
here are some GOOD THINGS to do when you see someone having an anxiety attack:
1. calmy and rationally ask if they need you to get them anything, such as water
2. speak in a calm voice, keep a distance, but be polite and patient
3. if you have anxiety, and understand what they are going through, do not start telling the person all about your own problems, but it is okay to relate your experiences, such as with commentary like "oh, i know what that's like. just gotta ride it out sometimes" or other general statements.
4. suggest deep breathing, but acknowledge that it doesnt work for everyone [even though it really does work for pretty much everyone, but anxiety=pessimism most of the time, so don't TELL them to breath, just SUGGEST slower beathing]
5. get them to start talking, but do not ask directly what the source of th anxiety is--let them bring it up, or talk about some random subject. talking uses brain power and pulls a person out of subconcious thought and into explanatory thought, and can make breathign easier because the person's thought process has shifted
6. leave in a timely manner, do not treat them as if they are the msot important thing ever--get back to what you were doing before so they can finish up for themselves.
these are all things that a professor at school did, even though we didn't know each other and she never even got my name
Due to these things, i will be dropping out of at least one, if not both of my classes at school, and i am dropping my concept art major. It is alot of extra money for the 3 classes left in it, all the other classes for it i already took for my major but now all the classes are extras, and i just don't need to do it--i don't want to do concept art for a living, so why push myself in a class that is only triggering my anxiety to rise even more, ya know?
Though don't get me wrong, school is not the source, its just a trigger for the more personal issues that i do not want to, and will not go into here, even if you send me a private note. those i am comfortable telling already know so don't ask.
Still unsure if i'm going to be dropping my art history class or not, going to try to do it but i gotta guage how the next week goes as to if it's worth it.
i'm gonna be working 1-2 days a week at mum's office to keep busy and earn money to pay bills and also save up, and this will also open up alot more time for commissions--firstly finishing the one's i have [and following up with people who i'm waiting on details from].
THE SILVER LINING
i will now have alot more time to focus on something i enjoy and that i am very good at: making costume parts, mostly cast things that you can't normally find.
Plenty of people do resin masks, eyes, claws, pawpads... i'm gonna try to do some different things.
1. heavy duty, ultra-realistic resin hooves cast onto heel-less shoes for a realistic look and fit [all feet done in this way]
2. resin paws [starting with a wolf/large dog type], in 2 types, one made to be furred, and one made to be painted with texture in the cast itself
3. ANTLERS. i know alot of you guys are content with the slick cheap plastic ones, sometimes real ones work, but i'm not easily contended myself. Plus, those palstic ones don't work for reindeer, or elk, or any more unique cervids! i'm hoping to make affordable realistic antlers cast from the real thing, wearable not jsut on fursuit heads but also on a human head
4. down the road, REPTILE & AQUATIC PARTS! but what will be special about mine? NO FUR, NO FLEECE. instead, latex/silicone coating over spandex, for a real scaled look and feel. feet, legs, tails, whatever you want. I want some good looking velociraptor feet with big-ol resin claws.
i'll be open to any suggestions or commissions for custom work that involved casting and alot of extra labor most people can't do. My goal is to create the next generation of realistic fursuit parts and anthropomorphics beyond just the face and the fur, with less foam and less exageration--more of your body for your fursona.
I'll be making a video of the next cast hooves i do within the next week, and also of the process as i get my antlers/sheds, mold, and cast them.
I also have my second Maquette commission for a non-profit company that works towards HIV/STD awereness, and i'm honored to be able to do this pro-bono job, which also gives royalties and gets my name out there.
As always, i'm open for commissions for maquettes [sculptures] of your personal characters! If you're interested, check out the characters you see here for examples of the variety of work i can do.
EDIT 4.16
I realized that alot of people don't know what it means to have a major anxiety attack/meltdown like i experienced, and in my exasperation i failed to clarify for commissioners, friends, acquaintances, and concerned parties.
To clarify, i mentioned time opening up for commissions--this means finishing the ones i currently have before taking on new ones, as you can see both here and on my WEASYL, my commission status is listed as closed. However, i will not be able to get to them as soon as i'm sure you guys would like. I know i'm overdue on the only two things that i have the go-ahead to complete, but you have to understand, i am sick. And i'm not referring to physical illness [although, actually, my crazy hives/rash thing that i thought was cured is back, and i've been having some severe nausea and insomnia].
The illness i'm referring to is the chemical imbalance at the root of my severe chronic anxiety, and to a lesser extent my depression and my ADHD. I am on medication. I have been on medication for ADHD sinc ei was 5, i have been on medication for depression since i was 14, and i have been trying to find an anxiety medication that works for the past 2 years. We found one in september, i had to go off of it because we thought it made me sick, and today i finally got back up to the dose i was previously on, but it can't fix the damage already done, only help me cope with future thing.
My anxiety doesn't ordinally give me severe meltdowns like occured last week, the last time i had one of those was over 3 years ago. My anxiety presents in physical symptons: heart palpitations, hot flashes, chills, shaking/jitters, nausea/vomitting, fevers, and extreme drowsiness.
Every day i struggle with a severe chest pains from intense heart palpitations as i drive to school.
Every day i struggle with shaky hands when i draw around my classmates and friends, so much so that i can't ink a drawing at all.
I wear layers year round-tank top, tshirt, sweater, jacket, socks, leggings, shorts or skirts--winter through summer, to accomodate the chills i get in 80 degree weather, and the hot flashes i get in 40 degree weather.
Not to mention, the chills/shakes i get, the ones that make my whole body jolt suddenly, sets off my 2 dislocated ribs and my bad hips, often paralyzing my momentarily to the extend that i have to have someone help me to the floor to lay down until my body relaxes and "resets" so to speak.
I can't work on commissions right now. I may be okay right this second, i managed to distract myself with a stupid drawing of one of my bff's as a magical girl, but as soon as i look at a bottle of ink or dye, i start shaking again and my head starts swirling and i get scared.
If there were any drawing in art history i'd be screwed, but there's not, and its cheaper for me to keep taking the one class that it is to drop both, but i can't do... much of anything... i'm kind of useless for now, unless its like making a cast of the hooves cause i already had the mold and its like pouring a class of OJ to make hooves. .-.
long and short, please, leave me alone. follow my journals for updates, also follow my twitter, riothawk, for minor life updates.
wolfbrother9393
~wolfbrother9393
Thanks for sharing the do's and don'ts. I always want to help but don't know what to do in those situations. I guess I was probably part of the problem.
