I've never read your writing before, so I read the most recent 5 or so written submissions in your gallery.

You're just stating things that happen, using no more than a few words a line ending almost everything with a comma. I don't doubt that you are writing things you feel strongly about, but I can't feel it. The text is too dry for me to determine how you feel. You should write only a couple of stanzas or so in an attempt to capture and amplify your emotions rather than just type out what you're thinking about across a larger body of text.