Why is it when I feel like the world is caving in, and frustrated with hoe things are going in my life, I turtle and wall my self off, and end up pushing people away? And why is it the more frustrated and bottle up I get the more and more the most petty and insignificant of things get to me? What is worse it at these times I feel what I can only describe as a darkness creeping in, with brings with it a very dark thought. that though scares me, but it always comes when I feel like I hit rock bottom.
This cycle seems to come every time I hit a rough patch in my life. This time at the third month of being jobless after following my gut instinct and picking up everything and moving to Texas. The frustrations mounted I walled enough even though I have been staying with the two people I can talk too about anything,my bro and his wife. And now since I did what I do when I get this way and turtled up,instead of talking about my problems with my bro and his wife. Something so petty that it should have not have even bothered me in the least, cause me to snap and do something really stupid. And because of my stupidity and me inability to open up when I should, I may have destroyed my friend ship with my bros wife, and I only have my self to blame in this. I look back every time I do this I end up hurting people who care about and are just trying to be there for me. And all because I want to be stubburn and handle my promblems my self………