Loved, its not a feeling when someone says they like you for your fursuit or the things you have accomplished. Its not a feeling when someone says that want to engage in sexual activity with you. Its not a feeling when some stranger cuddles you at a party cause they're equally desperate or alone. Its not a feeling when someone flirts with you especially when they're already mated. Its not even a feeling when you're mated sometimes, cause I know people in relationships that still don't know what its like to feel loved. All these examples are just temporary solutions to a permanent problem, like putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound. 4 years ago, I wanted to feel special and I succeeded but the truth is, I cheated. I wore a costume a little more longer than I actually wanted to because of the attention it brought, attention I never witnessed before and I said/did things exploiting people's feelings to insure them that they would come back for more. I do enjoy making others feel happy but still, I felt a boundary was crossed. I finally realize that there's absolutely no point in doing these things because again they are temporary solutions and to make matters more difficult I just don't want a boyfriend, I just don't feel like it. It ironically makes me a hypocrite because I've been guilty of pressuring someone of the same sex into a relationship with me but that's another story and I've already suffered the consequences of that. I just love women, I have a deep respect for them especially in this fandom because I feel like they get disrespected or looked down upon sometimes and that pisses me off. It's my natural instinct to wanna do nice things for them and show them a good time. Its frustrating for me cause I rarely get to do this especially when I see so many of my male friends looking like they're enjoying what they have on the outside, the same thing I'm severely lacking on the inside. Friends and fam aside, I just want to feel loved and I want to make sure I earn it the right way. My ambitious desire has managed to inspire me to write a few songs, some based on true events and others thought up by pure imagination. If you are curious about my interpretation of love feel free to check them out. Also for the first time ever, you can see my other pieces of work in full form in order of oldest to newest down at the footer of this journal. Thank you for listening.


1. All By Myself
2. Fly Away
3. The Best
4. Something New
5. Webcam Affair
6. Left Behind
7. Furst Time
8. Anubis Island
9. Relapse
10. What's Left
11. Stab My Heart
12. Loved
13. The Twilight Saga
14. Behind These Yellow Eyes

2025 Update:

After Dead Dog Dance I definitely wanted to do something smaller, more intimate, so a follow up to Special made sense. I remembered this being better than Special but this album was really frustrating to read. The first five songs a part from "Fly Away" are honestly kinda boring and "Webcam Affair" I straight up hate, I think it's the worst song I wrote since "Whimpers". The middle portion is really where it's at for me, from "Left Behind" to "Relapse" is where things finally have a pulse. Then the next three songs are whiney, one where I'm complaining about the fandom, another one where a girl hurts me and I encourage her to keep doing it (which I'd never do today) and another that's basically a reprise of the song "Special". Then finally the last two songs I fuck with hard, so in the end I'm on board with half of the songs here and the other half I'm checked out. Also I'm dropping in random furry references to keep it a furry themed album when I didn't have to, that was a weird choice. I was leaning more into a pop sound this time but funny enough I still end up using a lot of songs from R&B artists, I wish I committed more to actual pop artists. There's great stuff here but the vision wasn't fully realized to it's full potential leading this project to become a mixed bag. Luckily I think I learned a lot from these mistakes when I went on to write Mated, but next time we'll be diving in the final full fledged furry album bringing an end to an era.